All of my friends are getting engaged...

[Nikki Sahagin]

Okay I'm 21, but the majority of my close friends are already engaged. The weird thing is, although I don't want to be engaged (at least I don't think I do) and I certainly don't want to be married (ever) or have children (for a LONG LONG time if at all), I feel somewhat pressurized, in a sort of sheep-like, mentality of the herd type of way. Its a bit like waiting to cross the road when a cars coming, but everyone else walks, so you do too, even though you didn't want to.

 

Its brought out a strange competitiveness in me and I DON'T KNOW WHY. It's so odd. I mean, why do I feel competitive over something I don't even want? I guess no one likes to be in the minority, and when all of your friends are getting engaged, you become the single minority...and its awkward.

[giveittofate]

I completely feel you...I'm 24, and I've been thinking more and more about the future, since my break up...I've never wanted to think about engagement til my late 20's early 30's, just due to financial reasons, and just maturing more as a person and learning myself before I make the biggest commitment of my life...still with how logical I can make things seem, I still become worked up due to the anxiety and thought of being 30 with no significant other, while all my friends are engaged, married, or in a serious relationship...that's what terrifies me and makes me want to find that person....just to avoid the chance of loneliness in the future once all my friends are settling down and I may not.

 

Then again, things seem to only work when we least expect them, and you can't force a time frame for these things....but it only recently became a scary thought that seems to enter my mind a lot lately...damn, the real world can be scary at times.

[dave560]

I am 23 and don't feel this way too much.

 

I think a little cynically, just considering ridiculously high divorce rates makes me realise that if any past relationship was completely right you would still be with that individual. Marriage is something I think that requires complete certainty in the decision, weighing in all the available facts on a person and the relationship, and not just for the sake of doing.

 

Early twenties, definitely for me, would not be a healthy time to commit to one person for the rest of my life.

[xpaperxcutx]

I'm not particularly jealous of my friends being in relationships because they're a year younger than me ( a few turned 21 already) and it's still too early to settle down. They may be in relationships but what's there to envy about them except that I'm happy they're happy?

The problem really is you Nikki. You're not happy with yourself.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I'm not particularly jealous of my friends being in relationships because they're a year younger than me ( a few turned 21 already) and it's still too early to settle down. They may be in relationships but what's there to envy about them except that I'm happy they're happy?

The problem really is you Nikki. You're not happy with yourself.

 

Yes I agree with your final comment.

The thing is there are many things that I enjoy doing and I have actually mapped out my 'plans' for happiness shall we say - for the time being I just have to wait for them to come to fruition by working and saving money. I hope that once I am DOING those things I enjoy and fulfilling those plans, happiness will come. You did hit the nail on the head there though. I am a very restless and unsatisfied person.

[screwball]

...I am a very restless and unsatisfied person.

 

Can you expand on that Nikki?? I'll let the cat out of the bag about my line of thinking, but first, you seem a bit like me and I'm curious about why you feel that way.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Can you expand on that Nikki?? I'll let the cat out of the bag about my line of thinking, but first, you seem a bit like me and I'm curious about why you feel that way.

 

Hi. Sorry to reply so late. You have probably lost interest in my story by now! I'm easily bored and incredibly restless. I love to always do something new and get bored and depressed by routine and familiarity. I always feel I have the potential to do and be more, when I feel I'm not utilising it I feel frustrated. I am very achievement oriented, that's where I feel my worth lies primarily, in what I can do and create. I suppose my biggest issue is boredom. No matter what I do, I get bored of it very easily. I suppose it is the idea of things I am drawn to and the reality always falls short.

[smudge21]

39 here and have never been married. Had long term relationships of course, but never really been one of those who wanted to get married, or even have kids. Part of it may be down to my family splitting up when I was in my early teens, I know that **** can stay with you. I don't know though. I have friends who have got married in the early 20's and some who waited until 30. Some of the relationships ended and they were back to single/dating life in their 30's/40's and some who's marriages are still going strong.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that everyone is different and you shouldn't worry about what others are doing or what their ideas on life should be. Just do whatever it is that makes you feel happiest. If you have doubts about engagements and marriage, then don't do it. If you meet someone who is clearly the love of your life and you can't imagine being without them, then get on one knee and pop the question. Do it because it feels right, not because of what others are doing.

 

Oh and I can totall understand Nikki - getting bored easily and wanting to experience new things. I do often feel when in a relationship that there's things I'm missing out on and that always starts giving me doubts. Same with when I'm working. I'm in one job, but what else could I be doing. I guess until I feel settled, then I don't want to settle... does that make sense?