maria gostrey Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 i'm having just the hardest time putting my life back on track. backstory: we weren't even dating really. we met online so it was a long distance thing entirely. he pursued me and then we became friends. best of friends until started having feelings for him but i never said anything because a) the distance b) i didn;t believe in online relationships. he was obsessed with one of his friends in real life and vented to me about ways to get her attention. then a year or so later he told me that he "liked" me, one day out of the blue. i was shocked yes, but confessed that i had always liked him. and then...nothing happened. we tried to meet up a couple of times but it didn't work out. i was getting increasingly vexed because after a year of telling me he liked me, 3 years of execessive flirting and by-like behavior, he hadn't once asked me to be his gf. but whenever i brought up other guys and the interest they showed me he'd get jealous and mad. i almost made him jealous on purpose, as if that would give him an initiative to make things official with me. but nothing changed and until he started coming online less and less. i was distraught and upset and felt incredibly neglected and used. i blew up this one night and told him he took me for granted and about how after leading me on for 4 years, he hadn't once made a move to take us towards something substantial. we had a terrble fight. i told him i deserved better. he agreed. i come on the next day and apologize profusely. he says that its okay and we move forward. only then he disappears. as if he has fallen off the face of the earth. *poof*. come 3 months after his disappearance, i stumble upon pictures of him on facebook kissing another girl. after further poking around i realize that he had found himself a real life gf. to say i was horrified is an understatement. a month later, he came back online as demonstrated by his returned facebook activity. he officially declared himself in a relationship with her and returned my many messages to him during his disappearance with a short and succinct note. he wrote and i quote: "i feel as if I can respond to this now. Yes my disappearance had something to do with our last conversations, one specific phrase in said conversation in fact, w which lead me to do copious amounts of thinking and reflecting by which I realized some other things I had overlooked. However, thank you for your concern but I am fine, as is everything on my side. Despite my disappearance I hope everything is also well on your end. I hope the remainder of your undergrad went smoothly and that you are on your way to your various career goals. Respond to this as you will," the aftermath/ right now: i haven't responded, its been 11 days. i don't know what to say...though i have a lot of questions...the most important one being, how did he, after our four years of knowing each other and being great friends and confidants if not more, decide to just rip me out of his life? how did he not even respect me enough after all that time to come out and ****ing tell me that he had met someone else. *sigh* i hurt so so much. i've cried so so much. i'm losing my grip. i've been home since my graduation from college and am barely working on finding a job. all i can think about is him and his betrayal? or is this something i deserved. a couple of weeks before his disappearance he had been trying to slip in "je t'aimes" during our conversations. i didn;t take them seriously because our words of affection usually were "je t'adore". i asked him about the switch one day and he nonchalantly replied that he was using them merely as the same thing. i wonder if he thought i rejected him... basically i am a mess... any advice and insight would be so so helpful Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 AW I am so sorry you are hurting so deeply. Constant contact for months or years to nothing is devastating... Unfortunately he has moved on, and you are on the short end. Pick up the pieces and move on yourself. Look for a real guy, one that you can see and touch and share your thoughts with. NC is good for you. He quit talking to you, he moved on and got a gf without sharing it with you. You are so much better off. You didn't do anything to cause this, it was him. Best wishes to you and your healing. Link to post Share on other sites
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