Username37 Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 My ex changed big time. She was so sweet, innocent, shy, and just the coolest girl ever. She was also big, but I loved her for her. Now she's in the party crowd, hooking up, and probably drinking/smoking. She lost weight and became more....social and distant. I don't understand why someone would act this way after a long term. Did she always have these urges? It's been bugging me for the past 2 months. Could this be a self-esteem problem? Will she realize what she's doing too? She's smarter than this. She's a hardworking girl whose too good for all of this. Maybe she was using me? Because once she started losing weight, she probably realized that she can do better than me (She got really really pretty btw) And yeah, I miss her like crazy. I'm happy I dated the REAL her for 1.5 years and even though she's doing this crazy ****, I know deep deep down, she's still THAT girl. I don't know what to do. I want to "save" her ya know? But I don't want her to be like "GTFO of my life" and crap like that. I told all of this to one of my good friends. He told me I should fatten my ex up again XD It was a good joke, but I don't want her to be fat again if that's what it sounds like. I want her to be the old her again.. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 My ex changed big time. I want her to be the old her again.. Your ex died the moment she left...and the woman you loved no longer exists...and will never exist again... Don't try to hold onto hope that the "real" her is still deep down in her...for all you know, the "new" her is the "real" her...the only reason it feels like that was the real her is because it was real to you...it's what you experienced... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted July 22, 2010 Author Share Posted July 22, 2010 Your ex died the moment she left...and the woman you loved no longer exists...and will never exist again... Don't try to hold onto hope that the "real" her is still deep down in her...for all you know, the "new" her is the "real" her...the only reason it feels like that was the real her is because it was real to you...it's what you experienced... I know where you're getting at. It's painful but true. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTruthChaos Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Hey - chin up, chest out What you've been through sucks. but I think I can maybe cheer you up a bit by telling you a bit of my story. With my ex and I, I could feel the 'him that I knew' dying BEFORE he ended it with me. It's like he was just....somewhere else. I saw a photo of him that he took just a couple of weeks before he ended it...and he didn't look like 'mine' anymore. I could see he just wasn't the same person by the look in his eyes. After he ended it with me and made his new relationship public on FB just 3 weeks later, I saw a photo of the two of them together. And I knew that photo had been taken while we were still together, I could still see myself in his energy field. At least you didn't have to see stuff like that when you were still together, thinking that everything was just fine... *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Sadcakesleo Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 I understand how your feeling. I know its tough but you have to realize that people change for better or worse. look back five years ago in your life. You weren't the person you are now and I'm sure five years from now you will be different also. You need to stop trying to figure out why and how it happened and start accepting that it's over. I know it is tough, believe me I'm dealing with it also but your not going to find a good answer ever. The sooner you accept it the better you will feel and if anything know that you had her at her best and now it's time to let go. Link to post Share on other sites
ResetReality Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 I understand how your feeling. I know its tough but you have to realize that people change for better or worse. look back five years ago in your life. You weren't the person you are now and I'm sure five years from now you will be different also. You need to stop trying to figure out why and how it happened and start accepting that it's over. I know it is tough, believe me I'm dealing with it also but your not going to find a good answer ever. The sooner you accept it the better you will feel and if anything know that you had her at her best and now it's time to let go. this is very true, ask anyone on here about how there Ex's have changed after they got dumped, they all change, mine started hanging out more with her mates, after we broke, and they have changed her, worse thing is she felt like she had to choose her mates over me, simply because her mates didn't like me, saying that i never stopped her seeing her mates, so confusing man XDXD whatever your ex is going through mate its her way of trying to get over you, shes ended it with you so she can go out and have some fun without the feeling of betraying you, the novelty will wear off, and if it doesn't then do you really want to be dating someone so immature? someone who lives for the weekend and doesn't see beyond that? don't get me wrong, i like a good time, but my ex's mates are the ones that can't see past the next weekend like mentioned before, people change, i thought my ex was a wonderful girl, the way we spoke, she was very sensible, smart, had future goals and looking back now, i can see how she changed, like yours, she was shy, loving, and as she grew up, she was 17 when we met, she changed, for the worse, it happens, but above advice says its over and you need to accept that Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted July 22, 2010 Author Share Posted July 22, 2010 Gosh, I remember 4 weeks ago, she sent me a birthday card and inside it said "Whatever you may hear, remember, you know the real me, so don't forget that." I don't know, she's basically admitting she's doing this ****. Almost like she doesn't care ya know? And I know I should let go. But it's tough. I can't stop imagining her grinding up on other guys and other guys using her as an object and not as a real person ya know? I don't get hooking up and why people do it.. Link to post Share on other sites
jlr Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 My ex did all kinds of things she never would have before after our split. And she also said things to me, acknowledging what she was doing, and how ****ed up it was. The problem is, just because they KNOW what they're doing, doesn't mean they'll do anything to ever change it. Some people just go into a downward spiral. And I think that there's a lot of soul searching going on in your early 20's, and some people just do dumb things, try dumb things, to try and figure out what everything means. My ex went through a sort of early life crises. I don't think she really knows who she is right now, or what she wants. I got lost in the wake of it all. It's funny, even now, after almost two years of being broken up, she says "we know each other better than anyone" and **** like that when I've run into her. She knows that I know who she is deep down in there. The problem is, she doesn't want that person to come out anymore. She's trying different shades of herself instead. And, well, they're not the most appealing sides. Link to post Share on other sites
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