What the F**k - random text msg from her - do i reply

[smk]

What the mother F*****g F**k –

 

She texts me this morning – I don’t think the msg was for me – but she texts me some random msg about her dog being ill (vomiting all night and refusing food)….

 

Given, I love her, and to be completely honest only tolerated her dog because of that love (the little runt bit me countless times and once went for my pecker – I was not a happy bunny) – but seriously why text me this crap?... do I really want to know… you don’t call me for a week then send me some random text about your dog being ill…. I DON’T CARE!!!!!!!!

 

Do I reply??? What do I do??? Seeing a msg from her has got my heart racing…

[A Hot Mess]

Don't do it!

 

Look at how out-of-sorts you are over just a text. Imagine how you'd feel if you talked to her on the phone. Especially if she doesn't act as receptive to hearing from you as you'd probably like. Her sounding indifferent to your voice will destroy anything you've done up to this point.

 

Take a breath and put her out of your mind. It was either a mistake or she's trying to mess with you/see if she still has control.

[smk]

Don't do it!

 

Look at how out-of-sorts you are over just a text. Imagine how you'd feel if you talked to her on the phone. Especially if she doesn't act as receptive to hearing from you as you'd probably like. Her sounding indifferent to your voice will destroy anything you've done up to this point.

 

Take a breath and put her out of your mind. It was either a mistake or she's trying to mess with you/see if she still has control.

 

worst part is - i actually woke up this morning and was feeling really good about today - yes i did think of her but was actually smiling this morning and then i get the msg and it throws me into turmoil...

 

yeah i know what you mean - it would have been day 8 of NC and now its starts again.. I have so far resisted the urge to reply. I know if i did phone and her voice was unresponsive then it would take me 10 steps back from the 2 i have taken forward - yet its so hard...

 

Why would she do that - i know she has no friends whose names are even remotely close to mine - does it mean that she was thinking of me this morning - why do break ups have to be so crap... why cant i just be with her...

[TaraMaiden]

Because it's over.

Don't let a message like this put you into a tailspin.

Basically, if the message was meant for you, and she really did deliberately send it to you, and it's not a genuine mistake - then look at the underlying motivation.

 

"Let's phukk his thinking up all over again.

This text is not about him, it's not even about the dog. It's about me, and wanting attention.

It's about me wanting to yank his chain, get him flailing and rocking his world.

And not in a good way.

I just want him to not forget me.

He's been off the radar for 8 days now, so I'm just going to make sure he knows I'm here, stirring the pot."

 

She's doing this to cause an upset.

it really wouldn't matter what she'd written, at all, really.

She just wanted to remind you that it's only over when she lets you go.

And by the sound of it, she's trying to keep a grip on you.

 

If you let her - that then becomes your choice.

it's your choice whether you let her creep into your mind and play havoc.

 

The question in situations like this, is never - BUT NEVER - what the hell is she doing?

But -

What do I do now?

 

And you do precisely what you have been doing, should continue doing and must do:

 

You ignore her.

[smk]

Because it's over.

Don't let a message like this put you into a tailspin.

Basically, if the message was meant for you, and she really did deliberately send it to you, and it's not a genuine mistake - then look at the underlying motivation.

 

"Let's phukk his thinking up all over again.

This text is not about him, it's not even about the dog. It's about me, and wanting attention.

It's about me wanting to yank his chain, get him flailing and rocking his world.

And not in a good way.

I just want him to not forget me.

He's been off the radar for 8 days now, so I'm just going to make sure he knows I'm here, stirring the pot."

 

She's doing this to cause an upset.

it really wouldn't matter what she'd written, at all, really.

She just wanted to remind you that it's only over when she lets you go.

And by the sound of it, she's trying to keep a grip on you.

 

If you let her - that then becomes your choice.

it's your choice whether you let her creep into your mind and play havoc.

 

The question in situations like this, is never - BUT NEVER - what the hell is she doing?

But -

What do I do now?

 

And you do precisely what you have been doing, should continue doing and must do:

 

You ignore her.

 

thank you for the great advice Tara... If it wasnt for this place i would have lost it all by now... Its the only place I know that I can truly turn to for help and I wish that one day I can be in a position to help others on here...

 

It just completely wrecked my day seeing the msg from her - especially in the morning - what you said about her underlying motive made so much sense - i know she is not a bad person but she hates being alone and hates being lonely. We bonded very quickly and spent almost every awakening hour either in each others company or speaking to each other...

 

I have ignored her, and hopefully as the day progresses i wont think about it too much or try and analyze the situation through a million different angles...

[TaraMaiden]

 

I have ignored her, and hopefully as the day progresses i wont think about it too much or try and analyze the situation through a million different angles...

 

This is the problem.

It's not her contacting you, it's not the text, it's not the subject matter.

 

It's the scenarios we build up around the situation.

The stories we tell ourselves. The evolving and ever-tangling thoughts we create a plot with.

The text is one thing.

The content is another.

 

But now, all you can do is add bits, and build it up into an earth-shattering monolithic issue that has left you shaken and completely out of whack.

 

This is what causes the problem: self sabotage.

You dwell.

You sit, and stay and create an earthquake and tornado in your head.

 

Drop the b1tch.

She's needy and craves company.

If she really needed you and craved your company, she wouldn't be messing with your head now, would she?

She's selfish.

Don't give her your time, FOC.

 

Your choice.

Brush her out of your head with the broom that is indifference.

[HeavenOrHell]

Please don't reply, don't let her use you cos she's lonely, she is being insensitive. You know it will set you back if you reply.

[DustySaltus]

Let her feel the consenquences of HER actions. What Tara is saying is absolutely correct.

[smk]

Everyone thank you for the advice - I have been doing so well and all it took was that one little msg to set the cogs in mind running wild and building up these silly scenarios - i have been strong and have brushed it aside but its the little voice in the back of my mind thats keeps on playing havoc....

 

me not replying though does technically mean i have not broken NC right???

 

why would she bother to send me a txt about her dog being ill - like i know whats been going on in her life the last few days/weeks??? arghhh - i want to punch something/....

[DustySaltus]

She's playing games, sending a random message to you about her problems to try and illicit a response. It's the lowest and most pathetic form of communication there is. She's basically saying, "here fishy, fishy...." seeing if you'll bite. Just ignore it.

 

Unless she shows up at your doorstep saying she made a huge mistake all interaction from her is self serving and just directed at trying to make herself feel better.

 

She wants YOU to make her feel less guilty for leaving YOU. Don't let her off the hook, as hard as it may seem.

[smk]

She's playing games, sending a random message to you about her problems to try and illicit a response. It's the lowest and most pathetic form of communication there is. She's basically saying, "here fishy, fishy...." seeing if you'll bite. Just ignore it.

 

Unless she shows up at your doorstep saying she made a huge mistake all interaction from her is self serving and just directed at trying to make herself feel better.

 

She wants YOU to make her feel less guilty for leaving YOU. Don't let her off the hook, as hard as it may seem.

 

normally i would have taken the bait and dropped everything and run to her (even metaphorically) however this time i decided to not. Granted its been running circles in my mind all day so far but i have not made the move to phone her...

 

I have been rehearsing a speech that I would say to her if she ever did show up asking to get back - i dont see it happening but sometimes rehashing the speech makes me feel better...LOL...

 

i just think its sad that people would have to resort to this as opposed to just putting their pride aside and being open and honest... but hey c'est la vie...

[TaraMaiden]

Everyone thank you for the advice - I have been doing so well and all it took was that one little msg to set the cogs in mind running wild and building up these silly scenarios - i have been strong and have brushed it aside but its the little voice in the back of my mind thats keeps on playing havoc....

 

Yeah....see?

An uncontrolled mind is a bad place to build a theme park.

You're just waiting for the accident to happen....

 

me not replying though does technically mean i have not broken NC right???

There's no 'technically' about it.

You have not broken NC, period.

She has, but she's going to find that it's not so easy to reel this fish in.

You are going to be the eternal 'one that got away'.

Doesn't matter how tempting the bait, nothing is better than being off the hook.

 

why would she bother to send me a txt about her dog being ill - like i know whats been going on in her life the last few days/weeks??? arghhh - i want to punch something/....

I told you - the question is never "Why do they do...."

The question is "How do I best handle this to keep myself upright, on an even keel and stable?"

And you delete the text and ignore her.

 

if you really, really want to punch something, you can borrow my jaw. I'm a toughie.

Or go out and find a homeless person, steal their blanket, and give them a good kicking.

 

 

That last bit was definitely a joke.

I'm really was kidding.

And horrifying as that would be to you, we feel the same way about you giving in to her.....

 

Nooooooo!

 

Stay NC.

Geddit??

[bonpaw2008]

Don't contact her, she is trying to guilt you in to contacting her. She doesn't want you but she wants to make sure you are still wanting her. Henious b....leave her be

[smk]

Yeah....see?

An uncontrolled mind is a bad place to build a theme park.

You're just waiting for the accident to happen....

 

 

There's no 'technically' about it.

You have not broken NC, period.

She has, but she's going to find that it's not so easy to reel this fish in.

 

Doesn't matter how tempting the bait, nothing is better than being off the hook.

 

 

I told you - the question is never "Why do they do...."

The question is "How do I best handle this to keep myself upright, on an even keel and stable?"

And you delete the text and ignore her.

 

if you really, really want to punch something, you can borrow my jaw. I'm a toughie.

Or go out and find a homeless person, steal their blanket, and give them a good kicking.

 

 

That last bit was definitely a joke.

I'm really was kidding.

And horrifying as that would be to you, we feel the same way about you giving in to her.....

 

Nooooooo!

 

Stay NC.

Geddit??

 

Tara - thank you for the words of wisdom - definately a great support to keep me on the NC bandwagon...

 

I am beginning to realise that i need to change my mindset and focus on me and bettering myself as opposed to asking silly questions about why she is doing this....

 

You are going to be the eternal 'one that got away'.

 

I truly want to be the one that got away - the one that will always be that nagging "what if" voice in the back of her mind... muhahahahahaha......

[LK30]

Hi mate,

 

The fact she has messaged you doesn't mean the NC starts again. I always rate it by the person who does the action of communicating, so the fact that she contacted you means her NC is broken and yours remains intact.

 

Sounds to me like she's realised the Vets bill is a bit pricey and is probably hoping you'll whip on your gloves and pluck some pills out of your pocket or something! You're quite right - it's not your problem.

 

If you really want to go total NC and prevent her getting hold of you then everything can be changed. I have never changed my mobile number, but I always wonder if she will e-mail me so I have changed my e-mail address so now I know when I open my msgs there is no chance anything will be from her.

 

Just stand your ground and keep reading the numerous NC posts. In my experience NC is something that seems to be highly rated, so if lots of people are saying it then it must be worth sticking with! Chin up!

[Thorgs]

Just because she broke NC doesn't mean it starts all over. You still maintained it!

 

Way to stay strong, and if anything, be happy that little pecker bitter is sick!

[smk]

LC & Thorgs and everyone thank you for the vote of confidence and the support - i dread to think how worse of i would be if it wasnt for LS - i feel strong I didnt succumb to the temptation of the forbidden fruit (where the heck do i come up with this stuff)....LOL....

 

She broke NC and I didnt - I am going strong on day 8 - only a few thousand more to go...hehehehehe....

 

what i do miss is the ability to sleep longer than 3 hours each night... how i miss my 8 hrs of sleep..... and a nutty snickers bar....lol or a flakey twirl - i did have some jelly beans today before my run - good source of quick energy...

[Thorgs]

LC & Thorgs and everyone thank you for the vote of confidence and the support - i dread to think how worse of i would be if it wasnt for LS - i feel strong I didnt succumb to the temptation of the forbidden fruit (where the heck do i come up with this stuff)....LOL....

 

She broke NC and I didnt - I am going strong on day 8 - only a few thousand more to go...hehehehehe....

 

what i do miss is the ability to sleep longer than 3 hours each night... how i miss my 8 hrs of sleep..... and a nutty snickers bar....lol or a flakey twirl - i did have some jelly beans today before my run - good source of quick energy...

That's what you think, until they turn against you and get stuck in your throat and choke you to death!!!

[smk]

That's what you think, until they turn against you and get stuck in your throat and choke you to death!!!

 

hehehehehehe.....

 

The trick is for you to spit em out as soon as you feel them getting stuck...

[TaraMaiden]

We need to go through this thread and count the metaphors, because I'm tellin' ya, we're loaded!!

 

smk, sleep will come once you realise your peace of mind is not dependent on anyone else, but you...and neither, for that matter, is your happiness.

[smk]

We need to go through this thread and count the metaphors, because I'm tellin' ya, we're loaded!! [.QUOTE]

 

yeah i know tell me about it - i like the way we all contribute to make each other laugh though... I think thats what helps everyone the most - and the great advice everyone shares... We all have one thing in common and that is we have had our hearts broken yet we overcome the barriers and still continue loving them (cos lets be honest if we still didnt love them no matter what they have done then we wouldnt be here pouring our hearts out would we...)

 

smk, sleep will come once you realise your peace of mind is not dependent on anyone else, but you...and neither, for that matter, is your happiness.

 

the irony is that I know all of this - if you read some of my other quotes I have always been an advocate of being masters of our destiny (and that includes bringing our own happiness) yet here I am not following my own advice...

 

I remember telling K once that she needed to stop over analyzing everything and sometimes just go with the flow yet I have come to realise that I sometimes dont follow my own advice...