Day 5 of NC - not coping - hate this feeling

[smk]

Hello everyone,

 

just thought I would come here and vent a little.

 

Well it's now been day 5 of NC - she would normally break it after day 2 but somehow she hasn't this time round and I hate the suspense... As much as I know NC is the only way forward I cant help but think of her and think of what she is doing, if she misses me and all that other stuff...

 

It been 6 weeks now since the break and this has not gotten any easier - I know thats also probably because I didnt maintain NC, but I hate this feeling. I still cant stop thinking of her, I am no longer angry,but I just keep on thinking of her and playing the "what if" scenarios in my head...

 

The part I hate most are evenings and weekends, that used to be our time, and now I am alone and I keep on thinking of what she is doing at the moment. I have heard that she has been going out alot, which is not like her, but hey I guess she is keeping busy. My weekend has been pretty boring, got drunk on friday night and cried like a baby for countless hours, got into an argument with my family on saturday morning for no reason and then cried some more, hit the bottle again on saturday afternoon through till early today morning and cried a little, spent the day meeting an old friend who knocked some sense into me, but it didnt really make any difference to me, at the end of a 3 hour chat with him, all I turned around and said was that I still love her and would go back to her even though I know to make things work it would take a miracle...

 

I dont even know what I am saying anymore, and just needed to vent I guess....

 

In a nutshell, I miss her, I want to be with her, I love her, and I wish I could turn back time and be with her (and maybe win the lottery since I will have a time machine - LOL)....

 

Thank you for reading if you did....

[Username37]

NC is an emotional rollercoaster. I've been on it for 4 weeks and everyday I feel different. Today, I want her back SO bad. Wondering about her and how's she's doing and if she's thinking about you is totally normal. I think that too.

 

What's painful for me was the whole month of June. June was a special month for us because that's when we met and had most of our memorable moments.

 

Keep NC going. NC is for you. Don't think of it as a way to get your ex girlfriend back because that's not gonna do you any good. Waiting by the phone instead of doing what you use to do isn't really the best idea. My suggestion is get to a point where you don't CARE if they contact.

[DustySaltus]

The bottle may offer you temporary relief but it will not heal you.

 

When you are alone with your thoughts and they start to breed negativity, you have to jump up and do something productive. Whether it's running around the block, picking up the phone and calling a friend you haven't spoke to in a while or figuring out long and short term goals you would like to accomplish for yourself, outside of the relationship.

 

Just continue to post here, we've all been where you are.

[smk]

NC is an emotional rollercoaster. I've been on it for 4 weeks and everyday I feel different. Today, I want her back SO bad. Wondering about her and how's she's doing and if she's thinking about you is totally normal. I think that too.

 

Thats all i have been thinking about all weekend - wondering what she is doing, is she thinking about me, is she out having fun or is she even half as miserable as I am. I thought I would meet up with friends to get this off my mind, but instead all I did was talk about her to my friends... Even they are are getting bored of it now...LOL

 

What's painful for me was the whole month of June. June was a special month for us because that's when we met and had most of our memorable moments.

 

Yeah me too, we moved in together in june, i moved out in june, we talked about how we were beggining to look like a family in june (me, her and her dog), and we broke up in june... It was both good and bad for me... I was going to propose in June....

 

QUOTE=Username37;2893688]Keep NC going. NC is for you. Don't think of it as a way to get your ex girlfriend back because that's not gonna do you any good. Waiting by the phone instead of doing what you use to do isn't really the best idea. My suggestion is get to a point where you don't CARE if they contact.

 

there is a part of me that knows that the only way forward is NC, there is also a part of me that wants LC (this is because our break was complicated) - however also know that she is moving on with her life as though nothing ever happened (or at least giving off the impression that she is) and it tears me up. I know this is selfish but we even had a wedding planned out and dates and everything decided to the tee.... and now when i hear that she has simply just moved on its breaks me apart each time, seeing as I am here, a complete emotional wreck....

[smk]

The bottle may offer you temporary relief but it will not heal you.

 

When you are alone with your thoughts and they start to breed negativity, you have to jump up and do something productive. Whether it's running around the block, picking up the phone and calling a friend you haven't spoke to in a while or figuring out long and short term goals you would like to accomplish for yourself, outside of the relationship.

 

Just continue to post here, we've all been where you are.

 

Hey Dusty,

 

I know the bottle is not the solution, but I dont know what else to do... The weekends are empty and it seems to be the easiest solution...

 

I am pretty much over the anger, and resentment now, however the only thoughts I have now are of sadness, of losing the one person that actually made me feel content and brought me some form of joy and peace and that truly makes sad...

[AlwaysConflicted]

Hey sorry you're feeling down. NC is very hard. I know how you feel. I still miss my ex like crazy. Every time I think I'm over her or on to the next phase of grieving I'm wrong. My emotions are incredibly erratic from moment to moment.

 

That other thread about NC feeling like some kind of dream/nightmare is what plagues me nonstop.

 

It feels like it either never happened and I dreamed it did, or it feels like it happened years ago. But its only been 2 months.

 

Anyways, drinking is going to make you more depressed so that might not be the best idea.

 

I think the big question here is how the hell did we lose our girlfriends? I mean we both know the reason that was given. But it still doesn't add up. It doesn't make sense. Emotions are so frustrating sometimes.

[Thorgs]

Don't drink, it's only a temporary way out of the pain. It could also lead you down other roads you don't want to go.

 

I'm on day 12 of NC and it's hard as hell. She tried putting me in the friend zone after the break up and I told her it was too hard to be friends with her because I loved her too much. She seemed to not care either way. I told her I wish her the best life has to offer. She hasn't contacted me after that last message and I don't think she'll ever contact me again. The worst part is, her youngest daughter goes to school where I work and who I'll probably see all the time...rehashing all these feelings.

 

Lots of us are going through this struggle together. Just remember you're not alone and we are all here for eachother.

[smk]

Hey sorry you're feeling down. NC is very hard. I know how you feel. I still miss my ex like crazy. Every time I think I'm over her or on to the next phase of grieving I'm wrong. My emotions are incredibly erratic from moment to moment.

 

Hey AC,

 

Yeah I know tell me about it – I think one minute that I am getting better then all of sudden I am worse off then before.

 

Yesterday I logged onto FB – she hasn’t updated her status or added new pics in like 18 months, then all of a sudden she has been updating her status and loading new pics. Some male friend of hers uploaded pics of hers too and that really set me off, while we were together she always hated having her pics taken, yet barely 6 weeks after we broke up she has all these pics up, and that wrecked me…. Everytime I wanted to take a pic she would cover up her face, yet some random guy who she used to work with like a yr ago (and has started hanging out with) is taking pics of her and putting them up on his profile and tagging her… what the f*** is she playing at… I know its not directed to me personally but somehow I just get this sinking feeling that she is trying to show me that she is getting on with her life…

 

To top it off she seems to have gotten a really strong tan and is now actually darker skinned than me, so much for her families issue with skin colour…

 

That other thread about NC feeling like some kind of dream/nightmare is what plagues me nonstop.

 

It feels like it either never happened and I dreamed it did, or it feels like it happened years ago. But its only been 2 months.

 

Yeah me too – I know NC is good for me (btw am now starting day 7) however it still feels like a dream/nightmare and I have been have random dreams of her for the last 3 nights – dreams about us talking about what went wrong, about me telling her how much I love her…

 

Anyways, drinking is going to make you more depressed so that might not be the best idea.

 

It just makes things so much easier to deal with – at least temporarily… LOL… I have been running like a madman and shockingly that’s the only time I can keep my emotions under check – given all I do is think about her, but now I have started remembering all the things that I ignored previously – all the signs that this probably would not have worked because she simply didn’t believe enough in it (at least that’s why stand on it – maybe my mind is making me think this so I can get over her).

 

I think the big question here is how the hell did we lose our girlfriends? I mean we both know the reason that was given. But it still doesn't add up. It doesn't make sense. Emotions are so frustrating sometimes.

 

This is the 64 million dollar question – we both got our reasons but somehow they just don’t add up – how do you go from talking to me on Sunday about how our little family is coming together perfectly and on Monday night switch off every emotion you have? It just does not make sense. I miss the old self centred me – who never depended on another human being to make me feel happy – who went from woman to woman to woman and just had a good time. The old me who was confident, hadn’t shed a tear in almost a decade, who had learnt to block off all attachments with other people , at least at that point I knew that no other person would ever have the power to do this to me…. You are right emotions are frustrating…

 

 

 

 

I'm on day 12 of NC and it's hard as hell. She tried putting me in the friend zone after the break up and I told her it was too hard to be friends with her because I loved her too much. She seemed to not care either way. I told her I wish her the best life has to offer. She hasn't contacted me after that last message and I don't think she'll ever contact me again. The worst part is, her youngest daughter goes to school where I work and who I'll probably see all the time...rehashing all these feelings.

 

Lots of us are going through this struggle together. Just remember you're not alone and we are all here for eachother.

 

I remember her telling me towards the end that no matter what happened she had gained a “friend for life” out of this and me being the idiot went along with it thinking that maybe if I stayed in that zone long enough she would realise. Big F*****g mistake… I should have told her from day one that it was all or nothing and that I wasn’t going to play second fiddle… but I never had the chance to and I regret it… on the good side at least she hasn’t initiated contact in the past 7 days so maybe she has now gotten the point… I know that sooner or later she will contact me or I may bump into her (she works for a company that I co-own) however I have been keeping my distant and made it clear to my business partner that I will only go to the office if absolutely needed and when she is not going to be there…

 

I did write a letter that I was going to post to her, however after reading all the advice on here of not sending it, I have decided I wont be posting it to her. I think if she truly did love me and believe in all the things she said to me (that I brought her peace, joy, happiness, etc… that sooner or later she will realise her loss, and at that point to be honest I don’t think I will get back with her, because now I have realised that we had too many differences that she would not compromise on – our relationship was more my efforts than hers, and frankly speaking now I don’t think I would back down on my views, however no one knows the future. I did tell her once after the break that our paths had now gone down different routes, and that if in the future they were to come again then so be it, and if not I wished her all the happiness in whatever she does…

 

The only thing that really gets to me is how she has moved on and is getting on with stuff as though the last 6 months never even happened, yet here I am, a 26 yr old grown man, brought down to my knees, a complete emotional train wreck – I used to be confident, and outgoing, and a sociable person, yet in the past 5 weeks I have become a boring sap who only talks about her every chance I get, who is completely broken and doesn’t even see the point of getting up each morning and I hate myself for it… I remember once telling her that she was the only person in this world who had enough power to completely destroy me (I know big mistake I shouldn’t have told her ) yet that’s what happened – probably not intentionally on her side, but nonetheless she has made me a broken man – I feel as though what is left in this world without her… (I know, I know, I really need to work on this and stop thinking like this, but no matter how hard I try to dig myself out of this hole, I seem to be sinking deeper into it)… one minute I think I am getting better, and the next I seem to take 10 steps backwards….

[DustySaltus]

SMK, you're not in NC if you are still looking at her FB page. Delete her as a friend and don't look back. She'll probably call you after you do this to ask why, because she thought you would still be friends. Do not reply. Reply here, on the board. Unless she is willing to run through a brick wall for you to make it work, all contact will be directed to try and make herself feel better by keeping you as a "friend". I'm telling you, don't do it.

 

You are a 26 year old co-owner of a business. You've obviously worked hard to achieve this. I know that when someone decides that they don't want us in their life anymore it makes everything we accomplish look like it never even happened. We start to define our happiness through them because after all, we were happy with them.

 

My breakup initially destroyed me. I alieniated my family, drank heavily, was more depressed and bitter than you could ever imagine, basically broke and more than anything scared of the future. It's tough when you see an "end" with someone. You think you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone and then just like that, they are gone.

 

I moved halfway across the world to be with my ex fiance. My story is long and at some points seem like it was right out of a movie. In fact, I believe when I initially posted my story here Carhill responded by saying, "The credits are rolling, there's popcorn in the aisles and people are leaving" lol. I lost $45,000, she tried to get me fired from my job, didn't give me the engagement ring back and I had to move back in with my parents. If I wasn't a broken man at that point (about a year ago) I don't know what the definition of that is.

 

Sure, I hit the bottle a few times. But I picked myself up and dusted myself off. Now, a year later I got a huge promotion, got my own place again, put some money away, seeing a new girl, built a better relationship with my parents and genuinely trying to enjoy life more. Sure, I've had my days where my ex pops up in my head. But in those moments you HAVE to understand that the person you fell in love with and the person that they truly are, are two different people. She quit, you did not. The only expectations you can control are your own. Focus your energies that had gone into the relationship towrads things you enjoy and building your business.

 

It does get better.

[Thorgs]

I remember her telling me towards the end that no matter what happened she had gained a “friend for life” out of this and me being the idiot went along with it thinking that maybe if I stayed in that zone long enough she would realise. Big F*****g mistake… I should have told her from day one that it was all or nothing and that I wasn’t going to play second fiddle… but I never had the chance to and I regret it… on the good side at least she hasn’t initiated contact in the past 7 days so maybe she has now gotten the point… I know that sooner or later she will contact me or I may bump into her (she works for a company that I co-own) however I have been keeping my distant and made it clear to my business partner that I will only go to the office if absolutely needed and when she is not going to be there…

 

I did write a letter that I was going to post to her, however after reading all the advice on here of not sending it, I have decided I wont be posting it to her. I think if she truly did love me and believe in all the things she said to me (that I brought her peace, joy, happiness, etc… that sooner or later she will realise her loss, and at that point to be honest I don’t think I will get back with her, because now I have realised that we had too many differences that she would not compromise on – our relationship was more my efforts than hers, and frankly speaking now I don’t think I would back down on my views, however no one knows the future. I did tell her once after the break that our paths had now gone down different routes, and that if in the future they were to come again then so be it, and if not I wished her all the happiness in whatever she does…

 

The only thing that really gets to me is how she has moved on and is getting on with stuff as though the last 6 months never even happened, yet here I am, a 26 yr old grown man, brought down to my knees, a complete emotional train wreck – I used to be confident, and outgoing, and a sociable person, yet in the past 5 weeks I have become a boring sap who only talks about her every chance I get, who is completely broken and doesn’t even see the point of getting up each morning and I hate myself for it… I remember once telling her that she was the only person in this world who had enough power to completely destroy me (I know big mistake I shouldn’t have told her ) yet that’s what happened – probably not intentionally on her side, but nonetheless she has made me a broken man – I feel as though what is left in this world without her… (I know, I know, I really need to work on this and stop thinking like this, but no matter how hard I try to dig myself out of this hole, I seem to be sinking deeper into it)… one minute I think I am getting better, and the next I seem to take 10 steps backwards….

I'm 28 and I was confident, out going, and social before we met. When my ex broke up with me I was just like you. Broken. I'm still trying to get back on my feet. Her blindsiding me was a huge blow and I felt like a lost puppy. I hadn't cried for 3 years since my best friend of 15 years (dog) was put to sleep and here she has me weeping like a little school girl. I think the thing that hurts the most is my best friend put me through the ringer without looking back, even if it was unintentional.

 

You at least co-own a company, which is awesome at such a young age. I'm just a lousy teacher's aide making pennies. But we both have to see our exs, yours works at your other location and mine...her daughter is friends with my student. Closing up these healing wounds are going to be hard.

 

I'm totally with you on one minute we're better and the next we feel as if we're trying to dig out of a gigantic ditch. My first true love and I went out for 2 years and it took me that long to get over her. I'm hoping this time it's not as difficult/long.

 

I just hope that one day I can find a girl who has the decency to break up with me in person (if we end up breaking up). Every time it's been over the phone making me feel worthless!

[smk]

GUYS AM GONNA SAY SORRY FOR THE LONG POST RIGHT NOW

 

SMK, you're not in NC if you are still looking at her FB page. Delete her as a friend and don't look back. She'll probably call you after you do this to ask why, because she thought you would still be friends. Do not reply. Reply here, on the board. Unless she is willing to run through a brick wall for you to make it work, all contact will be directed to try and make herself feel better by keeping you as a "friend". I'm telling you, don't do it.

 

I know i really should delete her, but i rarely log onto FB and I did yesterday and there they were staring me in the face like some kind of sick joke and tore me apart....

 

You are a 26 year old co-owner of a business. You've obviously worked hard to achieve this. I know that when someone decides that they don't want us in their life anymore it makes everything we accomplish look like it never even happened. We start to define our happiness through them because after all, we were happy with them.

 

that is exactly what i feel - i feel that nothing i have in my life is worth it - it makes the last 26 years look like they never existed before. I even realise that I was perfectly happy in my life before she came along and we were together for 6 months, yet it feels that my existense without her is meaningless.

 

My breakup initially destroyed me. I alieniated my family, drank heavily, was more depressed and bitter than you could ever imagine, basically broke and more than anything scared of the future. It's tough when you see an "end" with someone. You think you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone and then just like that, they are gone.

 

If you read some of my other posts, i was always the sort of person who never believed in love, or relationships, or most emotions for that matter. I had learnt a long time ago that being dependant on another person always led to pain and decide when I was about 14 that I would not need another human being in my life to keep me happy and had been living perfectly with that view till she came along. Dont get me wrong I dont regret anything that happened between us, she taught me that it was ok to love someone, it was ok to want to spend your life with someone, and I truly saw an "end" with her. We talked about our retirement and grandkids names...

 

Yet now she isnt there, I am pretty much doing all the things you listed above – I am not at this point where all i seem to be doing is picking silly arguments with my friends and family, everything they say seems to irritate me, i seem to be getting angry just being in their presence, yet they have done nothing to deserve this, they have stood by me, I moved in with my sister after the break and have been a complete wreck, and now I don’t even want to see the future, i keep on thinking whats the point of even waking up in the morning... and i hate feeling this way.....

 

I moved halfway across the world to be with my ex fiance. My story is long and at some points seem like it was right out of a movie. In fact, I believe when I initially posted my story here Carhill responded by saying, "The credits are rolling, there's popcorn in the aisles and people are leaving" lol. I lost $45,000, she tried to get me fired from my job, didn't give me the engagement ring back and I had to move back in with my parents. If I wasn't a broken man at that point (about a year ago) I don't know what the definition of that is.

 

Wow dude you have had it worse then I have – and my hats off to you for being able to get to this point. I honestly wish that some day i can be at the point at which you are....

 

Sure, I hit the bottle a few times. But I picked myself up and dusted myself off. Now, a year later I got a huge promotion, got my own place again, put some money away, seeing a new girl, built a better relationship with my parents and genuinely trying to enjoy life more. Sure, I've had my days where my ex pops up in my head. But in those moments you HAVE to understand that the person you fell in love with and the person that they truly are, are two different people. She quit, you did not. The only expectations you can control are your own. Focus your energies that had gone into the relationship towrads things you enjoy and building your business.

 

It does get better.

 

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Its just so much easier said than done – picking myself up seems to be getting harder and harder each day. Its people like you that give guys like us hope that things do get better...[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]And a part of me even knows that i am not the one who gave up, she did, yet i cant seem to stop blaming myself for the break up. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Thanks for the courage dusty....[/sIZE][/FONT]

 

I'm 28 and I was confident, out going, and social before we met. When my ex broke up with me I was just like you. Broken. I'm still trying to get back on my feet. Her blindsiding me was a huge blow and I felt like a lost puppy. I hadn't cried for 3 years since my best friend of 15 years (dog) was put to sleep and here she has me weeping like a little school girl. I think the thing that hurts the most is my best friend put me through the ringer without looking back, even if it was unintentional.

I feel exactly the same way – like a lost puppy – at least lost puppies are cute – apparently i look like an anorexic at the moment... LOL... that actually amused me when someone said that to me... at the moment the smallest of things sets me off, a line in a book, a song, a word, a memory jumps into my mind, and there i am crying, sometimes i get teary eyed, other times i am sobbing like a little girl.. I am sorry about your dog (I am a dog person myself and so was she – wanna hear something funny – the first night i stayed over at her house, her little Chihuahua almost bit my pecker.... thank fully i managed to push the little rat away)....

 

You at least co-own a company, which is awesome at such a young age. I'm just a lousy teacher's aide making pennies. But we both have to see our exs, yours works at your other location and mine...her daughter is friends with my student. Closing up these healing wounds are going to be hard.

Thorgs trust me i would rather be in your place then mine – setting up this company has put me into a mountain of debt (approx $50K) . My sister is a teacher and i think teachers are awesome – you get to work with the future leaders of this world – think of it this way – one of the kids you work with could be the future leader – they could be anyone and imagine how you would feel when you saw them – i would give anything to have that feeling.... yeah i know hopefully so long as i don’t go to the office i should be fine... i just hate the emotional rollercoaster...

 

I'm totally with you on one minute we're better and the next we feel as if we're trying to dig out of a gigantic ditch. My first true love and I went out for 2 years and it took me that long to get over her. I'm hoping this time it's not as difficult/long.

The emotions at the moment are the worst, i seem to be very irritable at all the people who care about me – i seem to be fighting with them and being cruel to them for even being in the same room as me and i hate myself for doing it.... they have gone out of their way to put me up and have even said no to me living on my own until i am fully over her because they are worried, yet here i am treating them like crap.

 

I just hope that one day I can find a girl who has the decency to break up with me in person (if we end up breaking up). Every time it's been over the phone making me feel worthless!

To be honest right now i cannot even think about being with someone else – she is my first true love and i know that one day i may get over her, but i also know that deep down i will always love her and she will always have a part of my heart to herself... i am too afraid to get into another relationship because i know that i will never be able to give any other person my full heart and to me that would be betraying them... i have some silly beliefs – you live once, you die once, and you only truly once....

[Thorgs]

Yeah, I get the anorexic comments too, I hate it. I am with you on being with someone else. I'd feel guilty, even though I shouldn't. I was just saying that whenever I am "let go" it's always over the phone. Btw, I've only had 2 serious relationships in my life.

 

Anyways, I was dropped 24 days ago and NC for 13 days. It's a nightmare. Like you, I have my good days and my absolutely horrible days. Blah. At least it's not the weekend, those are the worst right now.

[smk]

Yeah, I get the anorexic comments too, I hate it. I am with you on being with someone else. I'd feel guilty, even though I shouldn't. I was just saying that whenever I am "let go" it's always over the phone. Btw, I've only had 2 serious relationships in my life.

 

Anyways, I was dropped 24 days ago and NC for 13 days. It's a nightmare. Like you, I have my good days and my absolutely horrible days. Blah. At least it's not the weekend, those are the worst right now.

 

yeah i dont get what the whole friggin anorexic thing is - beat this one - someone said i look gaunt the other day (who the heck uses that word anymore)???... can i be honest - K was my first serious relationship - everything before that was no longer than 3 weeks and i normally did it over the phone - i am sorry... but yeah i get what you mean about hearing it in person - the worst part about being in person though is how to keep your emotions in check - and then afterwards you get all this thoughts coming into your mind about what you could have said differently - at least it did for me - i spent the next 4 weeks replaying the break up in my mind....

 

i hate weekends - absolutely hate them with a passion - i wish i could eradicate weekends - i asked my manager if i could work weekends and she wanted to call an ambulance....lol....

[jlr]

Hang in there man. I've been where you are. And while I'm not totally through it yet, I'm past alot of the things you're going through. So, it gets better.

 

I was with my ex for 5 years. We lived together. When she broke up with me, my whole world fell to pieces. And I became a walking ghost for about a year and a half after.

 

But life does go on.

[Thorgs]

yeah i dont get what the whole friggin anorexic thing is - beat this one - someone said i look gaunt the other day (who the heck uses that word anymore)???... can i be honest - K was my first serious relationship - everything before that was no longer than 3 weeks and i normally did it over the phone - i am sorry... but yeah i get what you mean about hearing it in person - the worst part about being in person though is how to keep your emotions in check - and then afterwards you get all this thoughts coming into your mind about what you could have said differently - at least it did for me - i spent the next 4 weeks replaying the break up in my mind....

 

i hate weekends - absolutely hate them with a passion - i wish i could eradicate weekends - i asked my manager if i could work weekends and she wanted to call an ambulance....lol....

Haha, gaunt...never heard that one used.

 

Yeah, there are pros and cons to having it in person/over the phone, I guess.

 

I would love to work weekends. Right now, I try to sleep in as late as I can...but it's usually only until 8AM!! Then the day just goes by so slowly and that's when the "bad day" begins because there's nothing to do.

[smk]

Haha, gaunt...never heard that one used.

 

Yeah, there are pros and cons to having it in person/over the phone, I guess.

 

I would love to work weekends. Right now, I try to sleep in as late as I can...but it's usually only until 8AM!! Then the day just goes by so slowly and that's when the "bad day" begins because there's nothing to do.

 

oh and i love the classic - "are you sick??? you look really sick" what the f**k**g f**k do you think - i have just had someone rip my heart to shreds and then throw them all over burning coals - and then flame grill them - do you really think i give a damn about how i look???? (sorry just kinda venting here - i have way too much energy at the moment)....

 

seeing as this was my first experience as the dumpee i would prefer in person...

 

to be honest I have filled most of my weekends hanging out with buddies who all enjoy a drink - and then tormenting them to death by rehashing and analysing every aspect of my now failed relationship and then sobbing like a little girl - oh i know how when i am fully recovered from this i am going to have the crap ripped out from - but hey so far they have been good. Oh and I have been running - i love running you should try it - i stopped smoking 8 days ago and trust me its the greatest feeling pounding on the pavements - lets me take out all my emotions on the streets....

[Thorgs]

to be honest I have filled most of my weekends hanging out with buddies who all enjoy a drink - and then tormenting them to death by rehashing and analysing every aspect of my now failed relationship and then sobbing like a little girl - oh i know how when i am fully recovered from this i am going to have the crap ripped out from - but hey so far they have been good. Oh and I have been running - i love running you should try it - i stopped smoking 8 days ago and trust me its the greatest feeling pounding on the pavements - lets me take out all my emotions on the streets....

Yeah, for me it's the students where I work that try pulling the weight crap with me...so I just let them go to town.

 

I quit drinking about 2 months ago because going to the bar every night was getting out of hand. I tried to quit smoking. I've gone 8 days since the break up w/o smoking but it's hard as hell. The longest I've gone is 3 days right before the break and I felt awesome...so I am going to try that again, but hold onto it this time.

 

I do the walks/running, but when it's over I have nothing to do. Maybe I should go longer...but then I'll burn more calories and look even more "gaunt"! Decisions decisions...

[smk]

I quit drinking about 2 months ago because going to the bar every night was getting out of hand. I tried to quit smoking. I've gone 8 days since the break up w/o smoking but it's hard as hell. The longest I've gone is 3 days right before the break and I felt awesome...so I am going to try that again, but hold onto it this time.

 

I do the walks/running, but when it's over I have nothing to do. Maybe I should go longer...but then I'll burn more calories and look even more "gaunt"! Decisions decisions...

 

i had actually quit drinking while i was with her and somehow started again after the break - not her fault - most of my friends drink quite a bit and since i hadnt really hung out with them whilst i was with her... i had to go on the patches to stop smoking but its the best thing - i feel so great - and i have alot of energy which is not such a great thing but its not too bad either - and i signed up for a half marathon in oct so i needed to stop smoking to train....

 

i know what you mean about not having anything to do - i generally end up spending my time on LS - which isnt as productive - but i have been watching lots of crap on TV too... but yeah i know where you are coming from - evening and weekends suck - i used to spend mine with her and now she isnt here...

 

Yeah i know about the gaunt thing - they just dont let it go do they... F****rs.... i say to hell with 'em... try cooking... kills a good few hours...

[archivist]

Chin up guys, I'm routing for you.

 

I feel everything you feel, I am frustrated that she seems to be doing great, she's started to go out more and enjoy herself which she didn't do often when we were together and whilst I appear to be doing fine to everyone it all seems fake to me. Only a few people know how I feel in the evenings and weekends when i'm by myself.

 

We keep ourselves busy and I don't know about you guys but it only seems to be a temporary escape. As soon as I am alone with my thoughts my mind regresses back to my ex.

 

It's been 6 weeks of NC and whilst it no longer hurts as much, the hole that is inside me is still here.

 

I'm a decent looking guy, I have a good job and a great circle of friends, but it all means nothing to me right now. I feel like an empty shell sometimes. But I know deep down that once I am over her I can get my life back. But part of me doesn't want to let go yet, I am still expecting her to come back and realise she had made a mistake (very unlikely). I think I'm scared to really let go because I don't know what lies ahead.

[smk]

Chin up guys, I'm routing for you.

 

I feel everything you feel, I am frustrated that she seems to be doing great, she's started to go out more and enjoy herself which she didn't do often when we were together and whilst I appear to be doing fine to everyone it all seems fake to me. Only a few people know how I feel in the evenings and weekends when i'm by myself.

 

We keep ourselves busy and I don't know about you guys but it only seems to be a temporary escape. As soon as I am alone with my thoughts my mind regresses back to my ex.

 

It's been 6 weeks of NC and whilst it no longer hurts as much, the hole that is inside me is still here.

 

I'm a decent looking guy, I have a good job and a great circle of friends, but it all means nothing to me right now. I feel like an empty shell sometimes. But I know deep down that once I am over her I can get my life back. But part of me doesn't want to let go yet, I am still expecting her to come back and realise she had made a mistake (very unlikely). I think I'm scared to really let go because I don't know what lies ahead.

 

doesnt it just p**s you off when you see her doing so great while you are down in the dumps - ok wrong choice of words - it makes me sad - it makes me feel as though the last 6 months didnt happen....

 

i know excatly what you mean - i attempt to keep busy - and deep down inside i know its an act and i hate it... i dont even need to be alone - most times my thoughts just go back to her - the worst is when i am in a closed room at the moment i seem to be getting panic attacks - so lifts - meeting rooms, board rooms they set me off and after a certain amount of time i feel like i am going to faint... my job involves alot of meetings and

we often end up being in a board room and that really sets me off...

 

at the moment i living with family and my evening are generally spent of me being miserable and irritated by everything anyone does - i dont know why - they have done nothing to me yet i just get irritated by being in the presence of other people - i guess i am afraid of showing them that i am vunerable...

 

6 weeks of NC wow - i have been 7 days and am a wreck - but almost 6 weeks since the break - and yeah i still have the hole - i just wish i could fill it... but i know its going to be a while - she is my first true love...

 

like you i am a decent looking guy - lost 70lbs (down to 140 lbs now) in the last months due to working hard, have a decent job, partly own a business (where she works), great friends - yet i seem to have had more confidence 8 months ago when i was pretty large as opposed to now... right now nothing seems to be worth getting out of bed for...

 

there is a part of me that wants her to come back yet there is a part of me that knows she wont - there is also a 3rd part that knows even if she did come back it would take alot to make things work - now i realise that i made most of the effort to keep the relationship alive....like you i think i am scared of letting go of the past because i dont want to be in the future on my own... unfortunately we have to let go and who knows when you open up your heart you will truly meet someone who will love you as much as you love them....

[DustySaltus]

Thorgs, SMK I really wish you guys the best. The most important thing is to learn from these experiences. Life can be very tough sometimes but there's a reason why we go through these tough relationships....so when the right person does come into our life, we know exactly how to handle them.

 

But please try to stay NC with them unless they contact you and say that they made a big mistake and arw illing to do whatever it takes to make things work. Anything short of that is them just trying to keep you on the back burner.

 

And if you do happen to stumble upon a picture of them with a smiling face understand that you cannot judge a persons happiness by one specific picture, from a particular moment in time. Life is a rollercoaster of emotions, try to enjoy the good times and learn from the bad times so they happen few and far between.

 

I'm pulling for you guys.

[smk]

Thorgs, SMK I really wish you guys the best. The most important thing is to learn from these experiences. Life can be very tough sometimes but there's a reason why we go through these tough relationships....so when the right person does come into our life, we know exactly how to handle them.

 

But please try to stay NC with them unless they contact you and say that they made a big mistake and arw illing to do whatever it takes to make things work. Anything short of that is them just trying to keep you on the back burner.

 

And if you do happen to stumble upon a picture of them with a smiling face understand that you cannot judge a persons happiness by one specific picture, from a particular moment in time. Life is a rollercoaster of emotions, try to enjoy the good times and learn from the bad times so they happen few and far between.

 

I'm pulling for you guys.

 

I read this on someones FB :

 

bad things do happen,how i respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life.

i can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or i can choose to rise from the pain, and treasure the most precious gift i have - life itself : this is by Walter Anderson...

 

S**t happens and we learn from it - me make mistake - we are human after all - but we have the strength and power to learn and overcome from those mistakes.... we have the power to forgive and forget... we have to power within ourselves to love and let go - and if it truly was meant to be, then no matter what you will be together - maybe next week, maybe next month, maybe year, maybe after 50 year... but true love never dies - it fights and overcomes every hurdle that humanity puts it through... some of us are lucky to cultivate it from the start, others not, some spend a lifetime searching for it, some find it and never realise it, other find it and realise too late, but it true you truly love with all your heart, soul, body and mind and they love you back then nothing in this universe, milky way, or as far as you can imagine will stop it from coming together....

 

"if you truly love someone and let them go and they come back then it was meant to be" - (my own addition) if not at least be happy that you had the courage "to have loved and lost; rather than never loved before"