DenverBachelor Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 I see a lot of posts that could easily be answered just by the question in the title. So let's begin. Q) Should I write my ex a letter / send this letter. A) No. Absolutely not. He or she doesn't care about what you think. If they did, they wouldn't have broken up with you. Q) Should I break NC? A) No. Absolutely not. You should stay in NC to heal so you can find someone better. Forget about a second chance. In 99.9% of all breakups, second chances aren't going to happen. Don't think you're special because you're not. Q) Should I wish him/her a happy birthday/graduation/wedding/divorce/got out of jail/etc. A) No. If you have the desire to send it, you're still pawing over them. If they reply back, it will set you back. Either way, no good will come of it. Q) Need help with this weird / complicated situation. A) It's never really that complicated. If you're posting on LS, your instincts are at least telling you the end is near or it has come and past and you've ignored it. He/she comes home late? Wants a "break?" Spends less time with you? It's all the same -- you're breaking up. Q) I'm going to die.] A) No, but you will be a lot stronger and more attractive in 6-12 months. Then you'll get someone even better. Q) It was all my fault. A) No, it wasn't. It takes two to tango. You might have made some huge mistakes, but some of those mistakes could have been from frustration from their mistakes. It failed -- but it's not the end of the world. It's just the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new one with plenty of potential. Q) What does this text/e-mail/call mean? A) It doesn't mean anything. Ignore them all and get into the new chapter of your life. You're hanging out in the echoes of things already past.
Perhaps Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Q: My ex tries to find out how I've been. Why? A: He/she doesn't really care about you on a romantic level. He/she just wants to ease his/her own guilt. Let him/her know you're find and you don't need to be checked up on. They failed to be there when you needed them - no point asking now.
AlwaysConflicted Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Some people require face to face contact for closure. In my case, the cowardly phone call breakup left me speechless and unable to express my feelings. I wasn't able to explain my side of the story. Email, text, and letters are worthless. Physical contact is everything. I personally believe that it's okay to break no contact in order to seek closure. I'm the kind of person that needs to look into someones eyes, see their mannerisms and hear their vocal inflections. Hearing the words on the phone isn't good enough. I believe there are many others like me out there. Sure I'm sad, but I feel more at peace with the breakup.
Author DenverBachelor Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 I personally believe that it's okay to break no contact in order to seek closure. No, it is not. Trust me on this one -- there is no valid excuse for breaking NC short of having a child or some other major arrangement with the other that you need to discuss before finally parting ways. Closure? Your closure is when they say, "I no longer want to be with you." That's the only closure you need to know the relationship is done. Digging for reasons why is only an attempt to find ways to fix it. However, once they say they want to leave you, the relationship is beyond repair. They've made their choice and have already checked out well before the speech.
teanoranges Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Q: How long do I have to be NC before they miss me/come back? A: Its not about getting them to miss you/come back. Its about you not missing them or caring to wait around until they come back.
Sbrizio Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Q: Is She/He thinking about me? A: Maybe yes, quite probably NOT in the way you would like her/him to think about you. But whether they think about you or not, they willingly step out of the relationship, so it's not a matter anymore for you. "You" is your only matter, take care of "You".
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