novack Posted May 8, 2010 Share Posted May 8, 2010 Here it Goes, 1st love met in college, dated for 20 months, broke up with me citing i need to be alone, aka. another man (found out about a month 1/2 later) NC for 6 months, broken up for 8 months... I was destroyed, i isolated myself from my friends, drank far to much and was in rough rough rough shape. (look at my old posts if you need) Best thing i did --> NC!!! i promise, it doesn't make sense but at the end it does, kinda hard to explain just put some faith in it! I was in terrible terrible pain for a long time, i had a cycle. 1. feel terrible, 2. feel angry, 3. feel happy rinse and repeat haha But everyday i improved slightly, the cycle sped up, leaving more time in phase 3. I had my setbacks, seeing facebook pictures through mutual friends (delete them on f-book might seem childish but who cares if it makes you feel better), found out she was still dating the same guy and not hearing from her on our anniversary/my birthday really hurt. One day i woke up and realized there were problems in our r/s and i wasn't always happy. i slowly examined her and our relationship. I saw the problems that i couldn't admit too when we were dating. Then finally one day, as i was swimming in front of a waterfall (AWESOME) i just buried her in my mind. I let myself let go! I recently came back to town and she came up to me with a quick 1/2 hug and ran away. I saw her later kissing her bf, and instead of falling to my knees i laughed it off. I recently met a girl and we had a week fling, were not going to go out even though i do care about her. We decided we both enjoy being single and maybe after a summer we can think about it. The point is, i tried thinking of my ex today in an effort to stir an emotion and NOTHING. I honestly felt nothing, no anger , no sadness, no love actually nothing. I am no longer obsessed with being in a r/s but happy about being single bc its awesome!! I am happy i went through the dirt because it got me to this point in time. I am a stronger, more confident and content individual. I have grown in more ways that i can describe, and i think the entire experience was important in the development of my character. Take your breakup as a lesson, learn from it to improve yourself. IT KILLS DURING THE BAD days i know, trust me i suffered too. It will go away. I guess the rule of recovering in 1/2 the time you dated isn't a bad ESTIMATE (key word). Just allow yourself to heal at your own pace and understand there are better things for you out there! If you guys ever need help please msg me, thanks LS for getting me here, its crazy to realize i made it. Good Luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
Nicole1992xx Posted May 8, 2010 Share Posted May 8, 2010 thanks for your story i really need it right now similar thing just happened to me fiancees left me for the girl he was cheating with just hope I do eventually get over it cz atm it hurts like hell Link to post Share on other sites
cp3_panda Posted May 8, 2010 Share Posted May 8, 2010 First of all, congrats. I am genuinely happy for you, and I believe members of LS need this as most are going through the breakup phase (sulking, crying, etc). I have been NC from my ex for a month. The first two weeks were terrible... I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemies. But, a month later.. I can think of her and have almost no emotions for her. I dont want to get back with her. Although I am not SUPER happy, I am pretty content with my life. I do realize that I miss her sometimes when things get stressful or hard, and I wished I had that person to talk to. But this is a result of me being isolated during my relationship... not because I need HER. In the end, I realized that I missed the idea of her more than her. Link to post Share on other sites
collegemommy Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 Thank you so much for posting this! I'm going through so much right now and this is actually giving me a lot of hope that at some point I will think of him and not feel anything. I can't go no contact since we have a child together but I certainly need to limit my contact and keep conversations limited to our child. This has been the hard part... Congrats to you!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author novack Posted May 9, 2010 Author Share Posted May 9, 2010 happy face thats the whole point of LS i remember seeing a post like mine the first week in, it seemed impossible but it happens.. slowly haha Link to post Share on other sites
Livelovelearn Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 wow thats good to hear. my ex cheated on me and had broken up with me to be with her yet he told me he just needed space to figure out his life which im sure was partly true but when i found out and confronted him on the phone he hung up..ever since then he never replied to my attempts to talk to him..,do my question is didnt u ever get the urge to contact ur ex for answers, i have been in so mch pain but a month has passed and i feel a bit better i contact him less...but i just feel i need anwers yet i know NC would be great for me..how do you do it.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author novack Posted May 12, 2010 Author Share Posted May 12, 2010 not easy to answer honestly... NC is an important rule because it allows you not to obsess about your ex, it gives you space.Yet, sometimes the quiet and darkness of NC can rip you too pieces. Sometimes you do need closure in order to move on with your life...it hurts but sometimes for SOME PPL its crucial in the healing process My story, was i got dumped for bullsht reasons, found out about the cheating a month later. About 2 1/2 months later after the break-up with VERY VERY LITTLE communication (NC minus 1 or 2 times), i had the opportunity at a party to get my closure. I confronted the ex about what she had done, she never admitted to it, but she broke down in tears giving me the answer i needed to heal. Finding out the "truth" (I DON'T know the extent of the cheating, and thats a closet i NEVER WISH TO OPEN), that she had in fact cheated/reason for the break-up, allowed me to stop hoping she would come back. I have never spoken to my ex after that night, not a word... bc i had what i needed to heal It got me to admit that the r/s was broken, she wasn't the girl i thought she was and she wasn't the girl i would want in my life. It hurt i won't lie, and it prob always will just a little bit BUT you get better, you improve, you slowly become the person you were before except this time even stronger. SO FOR YOU My advice is simple, if you can avoid rocking the boat stick to NC.. but if you need to see the person for who they really are, AKA without the rose coloured glasses, wait another month. Try to be a little detached from them before the confrontation, obviously you will deep down still love them but a different kind of love(you'll understand when you reach that pt). This way you can see them for who THEY REALLY ARE, because honestly you have never actually seen them in their raw form. Don't try and be friends with a cheater, get what you need to heal and NEVER LOOK BACK. It makes me a little sad about how i prob. will never talk to my 1st love again but i just keep telling myself that i am better than that person. Fck em, they left you to die in a ditch by yourself, find someone who makes you feel happy, who will climb into that ditch with you. OR better yet get you out?! good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 Congratulations on your wonderful achievement. I'm in the same place as you, I though maybe it's the change of season but I just realized I'm really enjoying being single and NC got me there. Up to a few months a go he was still trying to contact me even though I ignored his attempts I still felt angry and sad. I have now cut off all available pathways for him to reach me, including the internet. Finally I’m not thinking about him anymore. I don’t want to check his facebook, I saw a picture of him at a friends and though yuck. I don’t care what he’s doing when and where. I'm doing stuff that is making me happy, I'm doing whatever I want whenever I want. I found out my ex is getting married to the girl he left me for and all I feel is a little sorry for him. He never had the chance to be single, he's probably stressed and having the same fights with his fiancé that he had with me. All that stress that held me back from doing things I love. I can just see him sitting on the couch, drinking beer and complaining about everything, being crabby and getting mad at the stupidest stuff. The best part is he'll never have a first kiss where I might have many. I feel like the world is my oyster and I’m shucking the heck out of it. Sorry for hijacking your thread with my story but I totally relate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author novack Posted May 13, 2010 Author Share Posted May 13, 2010 haha hijack away its always good for ppl to hear stories of recovery.. ls is filled with sad stories that are ALWAYS far to familiar...its nice to hear of happy stories Link to post Share on other sites
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