Heartache sets in...1 1/2 years later???

[angieg101]

My exe ended things between who a year and a half ago. We both were in questionable places in our lives and the timing was just wrong. We stayed in touch over since we've been a part. We've both causally dated other people. He was the one that kept in contact with me after the separation. I moved out of state a few months ago for school and in December we both admitted that we still had feelings for each other.

 

In January, however, he met someone and we haven't spoken since. I found out today that they were officially together--the first "serious" relationship he's had since we broke up. I never thought I would be as hurt as I am esp since we broke up so long ago. I guess part of me we holding out hope that we would get back together. I'm really crushed but also really confused about the emotions I'm feeling. I want to be happy for him but a larger part of me just wants to cry and rationalize this new relationship as nothing serious. Its time to let go but I'm afraid I don't know how Is there still a chance for us when I move back? Why did he keep in touch with me all this time?

[Toki]

It's high time you start thinking about yourself, and not concerning yourself with him. This is a good signal for you, that it's time to move on, find a new love (which could be anything, not necessarily a relationship). If you need to cry, you should cry, let it out get it over and done with, it's part of the healing process. Maybe you should go No Contact until you're well and truly over him.

[skydiveaddict]

It's high time you start thinking about yourself, and not concerning yourself with him. This is a good signal for you, that it's time to move on, find a new love (which could be anything, not necessarily a relationship). If you need to cry, you should cry, let it out get it over and done with, it's part of the healing process. Maybe you should go No Contact until you're well and truly over him.

 

 

true words^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[angieg101]

Toki and skydiveaddict-Thanks for your response. You are absolutely right I need to let go, move on and take care of me. I wish all knowing what to do was as easy as doing want I need to do. I agree, I do think this was the "sign" I was waiting for, but the mind can frame things in horrible ways. Instead of seeing this as an opportunity to grow and more forward without baggage I find myself thinking and dwelling on what could have been and why he chose her over me/is she offering something to him that I couldn't? I want to cry but the tears won't come. Am I in denial even tho I know its over? I tried to do NC several times over the past 1yr+ but he was persistent and I gave in. I haven't heard from him in over 2 months now which is the longest time ever and I know that's because of his new relationship. No true closure or good bye, "call me later" and I never did now I'm wondering if that was a mistake.

[spriggig]

Toki and skydiveaddict-Thanks for your response. You are absolutely right I need to let go, move on and take care of me. I wish all knowing what to do was as easy as doing want I need to do. I agree, I do think this was the "sign" I was waiting for, but the mind can frame things in horrible ways. Instead of seeing this as an opportunity to grow and more forward without baggage I find myself thinking and dwelling on what could have been and why he chose her over me/is she offering something to him that I couldn't? I want to cry but the tears won't come. Am I in denial even tho I know its over? I tried to do NC several times over the past 1yr+ but he was persistent and I gave in. I haven't heard from him in over 2 months now which is the longest time ever and I know that's because of his new relationship. No true closure or good bye, "call me later" and I never did now I'm wondering if that was a mistake.

 

You haven't mentioned how you've been treating yourself during this time. Have you been good to yourself? It sounds like your life has been in limbo, sort of on pause?

[angieg101]

Spriggs- you are absolutely right I have been in a state of limbo since the break up. Almost immediately after he ended things the "check in" calls started,then we would meet up once a month or so for dinners etc. I wanted to be friends--we really didn't have any huge problems. At the time of the relationship I was 8 months out of a 3 year relationship...I really hadn't healed and couldn't really be a supportive or present partner. I was also struggling with trying to decide on my next professional move. My exe really helped me with that. Since the break up I've moved out of state and I am now pursuing my MPH and may re-apply to medical school in the future. My exe really helped me pull thru my break up with my 3-yr mate and I will always be grateful for that.

 

What have I done for myself--well, I'm in school. I've recently started a new workout plan, I am trying to travel more, work on my spiritual growth...part of me never stopped moving forward, but when I found out that my ex was in a relationship I guess it made me realize that my he still had my heart...I suppose it was something I've always known. I suppose his new relationship should put an end to this limbo state but it doesn't feel like it.....