This ****ing kills

[That_girl]

I need to vent!! I don't know how people ever get over being dumped, it's actually the worst feeling in the world. You're angry and you want to yell at that person so bad, but at the same time you have to preserve your dignity?? Ugh......at this point, I could care less if I got hurt again because I am so hurt that I don't think it could potentially hurt any more!

Sorry for the rant, but I am having the absolute worst day. It's been three weeks since I last spoke to my ex and he dumped me. When I went over to his place (furious) to try and talk to him, he slammed the door in my face and told me to "he wanted nothing to do with me EVER EVER AGAIN".

I didn't even do anything to cause this. I asked him why I couldn't hang out with he and his friends on saturday night, and he EXPLODED. He said I was too paranoid, possessive and insane because I have a history of being jealous, clingy etc. He said that it was "guys night".... I was a little upset because I rarely get to see him except for weekends, and the next thing I know I'm being to the get the **** out of his life and that he loves, but that he does not WANT to love me anymore.

Needless to say I am pissed at the whole situation and him. I left a nasty note on his door that night telling him that I will hate him forever for doing this to me. I know that he wanted to end it way before that night, but he could have just been honest instead of finding any little excuse to make me feel like complete ****.

I have no confidence, and he completely sucked dry any ounce of dignity I had left. I feel like I deserve this for things I have done to him in the past. We've both made our share of mistakes. I just never really felt like he loved me as hard as I loved him. He thinks he put so much effort into this relationship because of all of the money he spent on me. I don't feel like effort can be measured in terms of monetary value. I am the one who constantly went to his place, hung out with his friends, did whatever he wanted to do on the weekends, and basically put my own needs aside for him. There would be mornings where he would have to go to work at 7am, and I would have to be out of there at the same time even though I had nothing to do that morning. He offered to let me sleep in some mornings but I never did because I always felt that I was imposing. He lives with a friend of his, so I didn't want to hang around when he wasn't there.

And that brings me to another frustration, he never wanted to move in with me. Now that I have a full-time job and I am ready to move out, he dumps me. He enjoyed living with his friend because he had a girlfriend who basically came over at his beckon call AND LEFT WHEN HE WANTED ME TO.

 

It feels SO good to vent about the bad stuff. That being said, I wasn't the best girlfriend in the world either. I am possessive, co-dependent, and a tad insecure. And he does have many great qualities...he's smart, fun, we have tons in common, and he's very confident. He made me feel like being a better person, and he did really love me at one point. He's not a bad person, I just think he's very selfish and immature. And he was a completely different person toward the end of all of this. The things he said to hurt me, the way he put me down was so uncharacteristic of the person I once knew. I want that person back. I've never loved anyone like this. And the longer I go without speaking to him, the worse I feel. But I just wish that for ONCE, he would call me, or reach out to me and let me know that he cares about me.

 

That last night, he left me sobbing at his door and didn't once call me or even text me to see if I got home okay. How ****ing cruel is that?? Who do you think should do the apologizing here? I don't feel like I can go back anymore with out totally losing my self-respect. But I do want him in my life. I'm completely CONFUSED.

[sean1]

hey,

 

listen you just need to sit down in you chair and take a breath in!!!!

 

ok right from what you have said this is something that you need to do now. you just need stop contacting him straight away! your saying hes made you feel bad. but revenge doesnt earn you anything. dont rise to anything he does. clearly he wants that to happen and will get his own satisfaction from seeing you act that way.

 

if you know what problems you have then hun you need to work on yourself! keep healthy, execrcise and have fun with friends and family.

and are they really problems? to me id like a girl that would question where i was sometimes. the simple reason being it shows they care. obviously all the time would get annoying but a few times i wouldnt be bothered.

 

you need to ask yourself what you really want.

 

do you want to try and rekindle the relationship?

do you want to move on and find a guy that will love you for you?

 

it will be hard. very hard. but you need to ask yourself if you really want to be with him or not. rejection causes obsession i say. basically your afraid to let go and move on because there is nobody else? your wrong. there is milions of people that would kill for a girl like you. you should be happy that you got away from him. and wait for somebody who will treat you right!

 

good luck

[That_girl]

do you want to try and rekindle the relationship?

do you want to move on and find a guy that will love you for you?

 

I do want to rekindle the relationship, but at the same time i want a guy that will love me for me. i just want that guy to be HIM.

I wish he would just reach out to me somehow, so that I would know that he still loves me. This really sucks. I have gone back way too many times, and I've just been feeling like it's not even worth it if he isn't going to fight for it like I have.

 

Thanks so much for the kind words.

[sean1]

This really sucks. I have gone back way too many times, and I've just been feeling like it's not even worth it if he isn't going to fight for it like I have.

 

he isnt going to. because its finished. i know it sounds harsh. but you cant heal until you understand that. i had the advice past on to me before. i was told to imagine the partner had died. you can never have them again. pretty extreme i know. but at the end of the day it helps and it does work.

 

your already thinking its not worth it which is good. why would you want a guy that doesnt respect you? let alone love you.

 

AVOID all contact and dont reply to him if he messages you. and even if he comes running back begging for you do you really want him? you havent been treated right. you should not be in this position. someone who loves you would not treat you this way!!

 

love is not how u 4get but how u forgive. not how u listen but how u

understand. not what u see but what u feel and not how u hold on but how u let go.

 

there is sum1 out there just waiting to meet you