What does it mean when the dumper is keeping to strict NC??

[ginyi1111]

After being on LS for more than a month now and reading all the posts from more 'senior' members, I know all of you would say be thankful that he is not 'dangling carrots' or 'giving breadcrumbs'....

 

BUT I cant help but feel utterly....worthless. That after being dumped I do not matter in his life anymore and I can just be thrown away just like that. That I stop matter to him the second he said 'It's over'.

 

Can you guys please slap me in the face and stop me from breaking NC? Because all i wanna do now is mail himmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!

[GrayClouds]

Maybe it is that while they have no more interest in a relationship with you they respect you enough to give you the space to heal.

 

Show your self the same respect and keep NC.

[DenverBachelor]

After being on LS for more than a month now and reading all the posts from more 'senior' members, I know all of you would say be thankful that he is not 'dangling carrots' or 'giving breadcrumbs'....

 

BUT I cant help but feel utterly....worthless. That after being dumped I do not matter in his life anymore and I can just be thrown away just like that. That I stop matter to him the second he said 'It's over'.

 

Can you guys please slap me in the face and stop me from breaking NC? Because all i wanna do now is mail himmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!

 

He's most likely with another woman and was probably seeing her before you even got the breakup call.

 

I wouldn't feel worthless -- he just decided to see someone else. The best thing you can do for yourself is move forward.

[bbrooke]

i'm right there with you.. i'm having all the same emotions you are having. EXACTLY.. i've written letters but i haven't sent them , i doubt that i do.. but here is one:

 

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]This is the last time you will hear from me. I have finally made peace with all of this. But I feel like there is so much that I never got to say. As easy as it was for you to just walk away, there are a few things I’d like for you to know before you move on with your life. I finally understand why you made the decision that you did.. but you have to know that makes you void of a soul.. you probably wouldn’t know what Character was if it came up and slapped you in the face. The way that you did this to me was beyond spineless. I spent a year with you and you couldn’t even do this to my face, you couldn’t reach down as far as you could and tell me “good luck” , “goodbye”, “**** off” or even “THANK YOU” for everything that I did for YOU… I got NOTHING.. and I was hung up on and left to try to pick up the pieces. I GAVE you everything and more. At the very least, you could have checked on me to see how I was doing.. because, I’ll tell you.. I died 50 times over. At some point over the past year you cared even a little bit, but you COULD NOT even have the decency to MAN UP and do this the right way. I look at you now in a whole new light. I compare you now to a Rapist.. you took something from me that I’ll never get back. I HATE you for what you did and how you did it and for not even having one iota of compassion to find out how I was. You better pray to GOD that some guy, man, boy NEVER does this to your daughter. I pray to god that my daughter never has to experience this. I know that there are actually “men” out there, Men with Character. You will never be a man to me. I think of you as a little boy who still hasn’t clipped the apron strings of his Mom. You are not deserving of my Love, You are NOT deserving of love from my kids, although they gave it.. and you took it. You took things from me KNOWING what you were going to do to me. You looked my Dad in the eyes and you KNEW. You’ve known for a LONG time what you were going to do. I will NEVER respect you as a human being. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that I was sleeping with someone that has no compassion, no character, no soul. Believe me when I say this… I have moved on to bigger , better things. So if you think for one second that I’m sitting around crying and wondering.. I’m not. My life will be so much better without you in it. I’ve let go of the love that I once had for you. You proved to obviously be something else. Not at all what I want. I thought it was, but I was blind.. hindsight is 20/20 and I stepped back and looked at it for what it was. I got used, you never loved me. You lied to me, you betrayed me. I will never let you in my life. You surely are deserving of what you are going to get out of life. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[MySweetie'sGone]

After being on LS for more than a month now and reading all the posts from more 'senior' members, I know all of you would say be thankful that he is not 'dangling carrots' or 'giving breadcrumbs'....

 

BUT I cant help but feel utterly....worthless. That after being dumped I do not matter in his life anymore and I can just be thrown away just like that. That I stop matter to him the second he said 'It's over'.

 

Can you guys please slap me in the face and stop me from breaking NC? Because all i wanna do now is mail himmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!

 

 

Giny...He could be trying to sort through his feelings before contacting you. He could be trying to get over you by not talking to you. He could be in his rebound phase and not yet realized what he's lost. he could think that not talking to you & allowing you to heal is the kindest thing he can do for you. There are any number of reasons. Regardless, I am sure that you crop up in his mind. It's not possible to just "forget about" someone who you share memories with. Believe me...you saw my other post...breacrumbs aren't all that great. My heart aches right now b/c I'm holding on to hope he gives me each time he sends me a message...

[Ilovecake]

After being on LS for more than a month now and reading all the posts from more 'senior' members, I know all of you would say be thankful that he is not 'dangling carrots' or 'giving breadcrumbs'....

 

BUT I cant help but feel utterly....worthless. That after being dumped I do not matter in his life anymore and I can just be thrown away just like that. That I stop matter to him the second he said 'It's over'.

 

Can you guys please slap me in the face and stop me from breaking NC? Because all i wanna do now is mail himmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!

 

We humans tend to always think of the worst case scenario and it sucks. I bet you though that partly why's he's keeping NC is because he's hurting too. People don't usually turn their emotions on and off that easily. I don't know why you guys broke up but most of the time it's hard for the dumper as well. I know you're hurting and you miss him but don't contact him because it will only make you feel worse in the long run. If you make contact the chances that you will be rejected are pretty high and just imagine how horrible that would feel. Give it a little more time, you'll be feeling better soon. Type here or call a friend whenever you have an overwhelming desire to contact him.

[duece22022]

i know as the dumpees we are all in a lot of confusion and pain. But do the dumpers really misss us? Do they even feel bad for breaking someones heart? If it was a long term relationship, do they think about us everyday like we think about them.

[angelaM]

My ex left in October and I found out he has been really suffering and missing me too, that's one reason why I haven't heard from him until now. Also he said he knew he had hurt me and wanted to let me heal. We still have feelings for each other but there are reasons we can't be together. But apparently it hasn't been any easier for him to move on than for me.

[bananaboat11]

They're thinking of you and they don't want to for whatever the reason is you broke up.

 

They hurt, like you, but the reason/that problem of theirs that they left you for is bothering them still.

 

USUALLY, they come back (except in my case) ie, YOU keep NC if they do. Move on and be strong.

 

sorry hun

[Odyssey]

Ginyi, if he's gone total nc, then i would advise you to do likewise. In the long run, it will be for the best, since you'll heal faster, even though you don't feel it right now. (Try not to wonder too much).

 

take it easy...one day at a time.

[alphamale]

Can you guys please slap me in the face and stop me from breaking NC? Because all i wanna do now is mail himmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!

don't break NC...you'll regret it later

[stillafool]

I think the dumper feels bad but does not want contact. Afterall that is why they broke up with you in the first place. I know times when I have dumped someone I didn't really think about them except to wish them well. No one wants to hurt someone else. I have to agree that most of the time the dumper has already moved on to the next person.

[ginyi1111]

I have had another bad day and been thinking...why do we dumpees always blame it on the dumper and feel victimised when we got dumped.

 

I have been thinking...maybe I deserve to get dumped. After all, if i'm so wonderful this person would have hung on to me and not let me go no matter what, even though we are separated by continents. This person would have want to marry me instead of breaking up with me because he couldnt handle the distance anymore.

 

Maybe all dumpees are being delusional that they do not deserve this when in fact we do???

 

And what is this with dumpers that are suddenly elevated to god-like status when they dumped us? It has been two months and I still have not managed to get angry with him.

 

Help!!

[Ilovecake]

I have had another bad day and been thinking...why do we dumpees always blame it on the dumper and feel victimised when we got dumped.

 

I have been thinking...maybe I deserve to get dumped. After all, if i'm so wonderful this person would have hung on to me and not let me go no matter what, even though we are separated by continents. This person would have want to marry me instead of breaking up with me because he couldnt handle the distance anymore.

 

Maybe all dumpees are being delusional that they do not deserve this when in fact we do???

 

And what is this with dumpers that are suddenly elevated to god-like status when they dumped us? It has been two months and I still have not managed to get angry with him.

 

Help!!

 

Personally I don't play the blame game and I surely never blamed myself, not once. In my case it was completely my ex's deal and really I don't feel I had much to do with his decision.

All I know is that I have people in my life who love me and think I’m worth their friendship. I don’t expect everyone in this world to like me and my ex just happened to be one of the people that decided he’s not very fond of me. I know there are a whole lot of people out there I don’t like as well. It’s just the nature of the beast. You move on and you stay thankful for the wonderful people that are by your side when you need them.

[HeavenOrHell]

Yes, mine seems to, had a long chat with him last night, he misses me and has found it difficult, I can tell he feels bad for breaking my heart, but it's not a crime and I've told him that.

My ex thinks about me every day I am sure of that, how could he not after 18 years of an amazingly close and loving relationship.

 

 

i know as the dumpees we are all in a lot of confusion and pain. But do the dumpers really misss us? Do they even feel bad for breaking someones heart? If it was a long term relationship, do they think about us everyday like we think about them.

[stillafool]

Yes, mine seems to, had a long chat with him last night, he misses me and has found it difficult, I can tell he feels bad for breaking my heart, but it's not a crime and I've told him that.

My ex thinks about me every day I am sure of that, how could he not after 18 years of an amazingly close and loving relationship.

 

 

Does he want you back?

[stillafool]

I have had another bad day and been thinking...why do we dumpees always blame it on the dumper and feel victimised when we got dumped.

 

I have been thinking...maybe I deserve to get dumped. After all, if i'm so wonderful this person would have hung on to me and not let me go no matter what, even though we are separated by continents. This person would have want to marry me instead of breaking up with me because he couldnt handle the distance anymore.

 

Maybe all dumpees are being delusional that they do not deserve this when in fact we do???

 

And what is this with dumpers that are suddenly elevated to god-like status when they dumped us? It has been two months and I still have not managed to get angry with him.

 

Help!!

 

 

Of course you didn't deserved to be dumped unless you did something awful. I didn't read your story as to why you broke up. I don't think dumping someone is an easy thing and certainly the dumper doesn't feel like a God for doing it. It is painful breaking someone's heart but if you don't see yourself going forward in the future with that person it may be necessary. It doesn't mean that the dumper doesn't still and always will care a great deal about you, especially if you have had a long relationship, but it doesn't mean they want you back. Just because someone broke up with you does not mean that they don't think you are a wonderful person they have just moved on. Give yourself some more time and try not to think about him if you can but I know that's hard.

[ginyi1111]

im drunk...im sobbing my eyes out....i donr freaking care about NC...why cant I tell him how much i love him and I do not deserve to be treated like this???

 

How can it be fair that I love him with all my heart but he has the power to dump me just like that????

[skydiveaddict]

Can you guys please slap me in the face and stop me from breaking NC? Because all i wanna do now is mail himmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!

 

 

NO NO NO dont do it. He dumped you right? Dont stroke his ego by doing this. Keep away from him so you can start to heal

[skydiveaddict]

im drunk...im sobbing my eyes out....i donr freaking care about NC...why cant I tell him how much i love him and I do not deserve to be treated like this???

 

How can it be fair that I love him with all my heart but he has the power to dump me just like that????

 

 

1 He already knows that you love him

2 You're right, you do not deserve this

3 It isnt fair. that's why you're so hurt right now.

4 If you call him, you're probably wont like what you hear, then you'll feel even worse

 

Look, I'm going through preety much the same thing right now. Call one of your friends instead. You've got to give youself time to heal. calling him will put you back to square one

[stillafool]

Call one of your friends instead. You've got to give youself time to heal. calling him will put you back to square one

 

 

Exactly! Just hold on if you can. Calling him will make you feel so much worse when you have to hang up. And then what? Can you go over to your Mom's house and hang out? Or, if you have a close friend you can talk to. If not you can always talk here on LS.

[HeavenOrHell]

No he doesn't. Loves but not in love with me anymore, same old crap. I want NC now but he doesn't. Believe me you are far far better off that your ex wants NC, I've been feeling like c*** for 6 months trying to be friends with ex.

 

 

Does he want you back?

[Beeotch]

Giny...He could be trying to sort through his feelings before contacting you. He could be trying to get over you by not talking to you. He could be in his rebound phase and not yet realized what he's lost. he could think that not talking to you & allowing you to heal is the kindest thing he can do for you. There are any number of reasons. Regardless' date=' I am sure that you crop up in his mind. It's not possible to just "forget about" someone who you share memories with. Believe me...you saw my other post...breacrumbs aren't all that great. My heart aches right now b/c I'm holding on to hope he gives me each time he sends me a message...[/quote']

 

I agree. There are vast and various reasons why people do the things they do and many times they are not clear-cut or black and white. We can often think of a million scenarios and perhaps 1 is correct or none of them are! In my opinion, since you do not know why it is, choose the solution that best helps you to move forward and not hold hatred in your heart against this person.

 

Also, even though people are different, we're all humans and essentially are wired the same. It is IMPOSSIBLE to completely forget someone you dated. IMPOSSIBLE! Even ppl that I have no interest in romantically anymore or never did, I think of them from time to time. So is you ex living a care-free life with no recollection of your existence and no memory of your former relationship--most likely not.Even if he does not want to be with you anymore, he MUST think of you.

 

The point is though, for whatever reason he is doing what he is doing and you have to make peace with that for yourself and do things to help you move forward positively.Emailing the person etc might seem like a good idea at the time, because you are so filled w/ emotions and you think that perhaps they will feel your pain and say something to make you feel better. Usually it doesn't happen and it is usually not because the person is just a horrible person, but they could be scared, feel guilty, ashamed, not know what to say, just want to avoid things etc.But you won't know this and no reply or a reply you don't like will make you feel that much worst. From my experience with my prior ex and in some ways this current one: things are revealed in their own time. Once you focus on becoming a better you, learning from your experiences and NOT hating this person...one day the chips fall into place and it makes sense: they either return w/o you seeking them out and apologize or explain or you move on and are no longer hurt...whatever it is, down the road after doing what you can, it comes together so focus on that.