cypresa Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 I was dumped 6 months ago, i was really getting better and not thinking so much about him. Then i had lunch with him which was amazing. Then a flurry of emails and since then, nothing. I got my hopes up I guess. He gave me no reason to but you just do don't you? it's hard not to get hopeful when they are in contact with you... I found out this week from our mutual close friend that he has had 2 one night stands. Which makes me really angry, and upset. I didn't think he was that guy - he wasn't before i met him - he was really awkward with girls. Cut to 3 years and he's having one night stands?! it just seems so seedy. Picking up girls in clubs and then never calling them. He was so moralistic, he was never like this. I just don't understand how someone can change like that... I know that it is his life now - not mine. But I can't help but feel upset. and dissapointed in him. Also i guess i secretly hoped that he was thinking the break up was a mistake.... and the whole time he was probably revelling in being single. I feel like he's broken my heart all over again. And now i have that horrible feeling in my stomach. it's over and i have to accept it - but it's so hard when you think it was the wrong decision! I want to move on so badly... Link to post Share on other sites
deux ex machina Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 (edited) When someone does something like that - a turnaround in the way you think they would normally behave - it is a difficult thing to wrap your mind around. Perhaps you had him up on a pedestal in your own mind, in addition to hoping you would get back together on some level. It could be the reason you regarded him so highly was that it would be easier for you to get back with him. Now, you see him as he is. So it hits you where it hurts on several levels. You take care of you, and process some of this stuff. Edited October 24, 2009 by deux ex machina Link to post Share on other sites
costablanca Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 i realy feel for you. i have been there 3 times. it is awful when you cant let go and live in hope. and things like going for lunch are lovely at the time, like being back together again. but afterwards its worse than ever because you realise that your not. my ex did the strangest things after we broke up. had lots of one night stands. i thought what a wierd way of coping and felt dissillusioned how he could do these things. he was just riding high on the freedom wave and having a really good time. turns out that didnt last and he wasnt actually processing any of the break up. when it did kick in he wanted back in. i let him back in and fours years of crap later im back in the same boat, dumped. what a waste of time. dont make my mistake. getting back together rarely works out anyway especially when stuff like sleeping around happens during the break up. please let him go. no contact is the only way to free yourself as hard as it is. costa. xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author cypresa Posted October 24, 2009 Author Share Posted October 24, 2009 God Costablanca - am so sorry! sounds like you've had a rough time. The whole one-night stand thing is just so odd. My friends seem to think that whilst we first got together he was very awkward around women but going out with me for nearly 3 years has given him a confidence he never had before. and now he's single and 35 he's 'sowing his wild oats'. Boy do i hate that expression! How come your relationship ended again? I have had hope for so long because it didn't feel like a normal break-up - but the hope was fading until the lunch. and then i got even more hopeful with all the emailing after. But nope nothing again. I think Deux ex had it right when she said that i had perhaps put him on a pedestal. But he really did have such high opinion of women and had such a fantastic moral code that i find his behaviour so surprising. It just feels really seedy. and of course it just brings it all home. I've been missing him deeply and he's been having a wild time with strange girls. Finding this out is not a nice way to get over someone but maybe this is all part of the process. maybe learning this will help me in some way.... although it doesn't feel like that now! Link to post Share on other sites
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