Should I be angry at friends and family?

[Gypsy_Soul]

I was in a 9 year relationship with my ex fiance. When I found out about his cheating, lies, putting me in debt, etc. He disappeared and never made much contact with me except through emails which were all initiated by me.

 

Anyway, to get to my point, shortly thereafter I was and still am quite heartbroken, and have been going through all types of emotions. I believe that I may be in my anger stage at this point.

 

I'm feeling angry at my X and everything he put me through, but I am also feeling angry at my friends and family. Whom I believe should have been there for me at such a terrible time in my life.

 

Instead, as soon as this happened when I turned to my family and friends, I feel they weren't there for me in any type of way. I talked to my mother about it all and even broke down sobbing in front of her and she non-chalantely responded with just, "You'll survive." Nothing more nothing less as she walked out of the room.

 

My father, just says, "Oh, okay well you need to find a job, because I can't help you but so much, I gotta go." No emotional support or encouraging words what so ever.

 

I talked to my brother over the phone soon after everything went down, and he acts the same as my parents about it. All I ever got from him was silence and then, "Oh, okay, well I don't know, you need to just worry about your little girl, I gotta go." WTF?

 

A week after my X disappeared, I rang up my best friend who just listened to me after telling him that I checked his (my x fiance's) social network account and how I found more information about him and his rendevous with many women and all of his dirty talk plastered everywhere to them. The only reponse I ever got from my supposed BF was, "You shouldn't be checking his stuff, you guys aren't together anymore, it's over." Mind you, it had only been one week.

 

After 9 years with someone and having a child with them, I am expected to just get over someone in a week and not check their social networks to try to get answers since he won't give me any. Now, it has been about 7 months and I am still hurt over our break up but I have made some small progress by myself since I have no one to talk to. I don't check and haven't checked his social accounts in a couple of months. It only makes things worse.

 

I have been reading some posts on here which have helped me some. I feel like my parents weren't there for me emotionally, and my brother and BF just don't get it. At first was too grief stricken to even think or care about their reactions. Now that I've had time to process so much that has happened over the past 7 months I am realizing that it angers me. It angers me that these people haven't been there for me emotionally.

 

Those were the last and only conversations I ever had with any of them about that topic about my relationship with my exfiance ever since. It's like they don't acknowledge it or me and how I feel about it, or if I'm okay.

 

Should I be angry with them for not being more supportive during my time of grief? They will never really know how much devestation this man brought me and my child, because they refused to acknowledge any of it. I also came close to commting suicide. They will never know that. They really made me feel alone in this world.

[MrFun]

GorgeousGirl, I'm sorry you're going through all of this. Life isn't fair sometimes, and the people around you sometimes don't show any empathy to your situation. Believe me, I know.

 

My ex lied, cheated on me and dumped me after 6 years. It's been some 14 months and I'm still struggling to deal with it. She's having a great time, and I'm obsessively thinking about how hurt I am. You know, it's someone tell me that I need to look deeper at my situation. Maybe it was me that is at fault? It's the friends that I chose to have or the environment that didn't care.

 

There are so many people like us out there and there are so many good people as well. Times like these you can really tell who is on your side and who isn't.

 

Get that inner strength going, and maybe reevaluate your friends. Your family will just have to wait until you've sorted your friends situation out. Once you have, mend the ties to your family.

 

I wish you the best of success! *hugs*

[scipio]

I was in a 9 year relationship with my ex fiance. When I found out about his cheating, lies, putting me in debt, etc. He disappeared and never made much contact with me except through emails which were all initiated by me.

 

Anyway, to get to my point, shortly thereafter I was and still am quite heartbroken, and have been going through all types of emotions. I believe that I may be in my anger stage at this point.

 

I'm feeling angry at my X and everything he put me through, but I am also feeling angry at my friends and family. Whom I believe should have been there for me at such a terrible time in my life.

 

Instead, as soon as this happened when I turned to my family and friends, I feel they weren't there for me in any type of way. I talked to my mother about it all and even broke down sobbing in front of her and she non-chalantely responded with just, "You'll survive." Nothing more nothing less as she walked out of the room.

 

My father, just says, "Oh, okay well you need to find a job, because I can't help you but so much, I gotta go." No emotional support or encouraging words what so ever.

 

I talked to my brother over the phone soon after everything went down, and he acts the same as my parents about it. All I ever got from him was silence and then, "Oh, okay, well I don't know, you need to just worry about your little girl, I gotta go." WTF?

 

A week after my X disappeared, I rang up my best friend who just listened to me after telling him that I checked his (my x fiance's) social network account and how I found more information about him and his rendevous with many women and all of his dirty talk plastered everywhere to them. The only reponse I ever got from my supposed BF was, "You shouldn't be checking his stuff, you guys aren't together anymore, it's over." Mind you, it had only been one week.

 

After 9 years with someone and having a child with them, I am expected to just get over someone in a week and not check their social networks to try to get answers since he won't give me any. Now, it has been about 7 months and I am still hurt over our break up but I have made some small progress by myself since I have no one to talk to. I don't check and haven't checked his social accounts in a couple of months. It only makes things worse.

 

I have been reading some posts on here which have helped me some. I feel like my parents weren't there for me emotionally, and my brother and BF just don't get it. At first was too grief stricken to even think or care about their reactions. Now that I've had time to process so much that has happened over the past 7 months I am realizing that it angers me. It angers me that these people haven't been there for me emotionally.

 

Those were the last and only conversations I ever had with any of them about that topic about my relationship with my exfiance ever since. It's like they don't acknowledge it or me and how I feel about it, or if I'm okay.

 

Should I be angry with them for not being more supportive during my time of grief? They will never really know how much devestation this man brought me and my child, because they refused to acknowledge any of it. I also came close to commting suicide. They will never know that. They really made me feel alone in this world.

 

Well...firstly,..you have every right to be angry. We have family for many reasons one of which is emotional support during a tough time. So it was their duty to comfort you.

 

That being said,...don't let it fester. You said its been 7 months and it seems this has been on your mind for a while. Maybe just acknowledge that they messed up,..but forgive them anyway. Or talk to them first,..then forgive them. Either way,..theyr'e your family and you have to forgive them I think. Otherwise your anger will fester into hate. Also,...it may help to remember all the nice things they did for you. When I get upset at my mom I tell myself "hey,..she carried me for 9 months and sacrificed everything to raise me",..when put in that perspective its easy to forgive.

[Gypsy_Soul]

Thanks so much for responding Mr Fun and Scipio. It's always good to know that I'm not alone. Yet, it's not good that any of us have to go through such treatment by others in the first place.

 

I wasn't sure if I had any right to be angry or if I am just overreacting. Which is how my family and freinds have made me feel about the entire ordeal. It's good to get other's take on it.

 

I know I'll bring it up to them again just as to not let it fester. I'm pretty sure it will all be met with the same responses though.

[boogieboy]

GG i'll give you a different perspective.

 

It's not your fault that they wont listen to you vent, but it's not their fault either. I'll tell you why.

 

Your family knows that no matter what you say or ask them, they really cant help you. They dont know. Only time will heal you and help you figure out the answers. They also know (probably from previous experience) that they dont want to listen to you vent over and over, because when youre dumped, no answers are good enough. Emotions are high, you loop all kinds of things in your head, and they dont want to listen. You might not understand it now, but in a year or so when you start to get over your ex completely, you will understand.

 

I did it to my friends when I was dumped, and I almost drove them away completely because I kept asking them the same questions, for which they didnt have any answers. (then I found this board) I realized after I felt better how much of a burden that is, even for close friends and family.

 

Most people dont have as many answers as this board does. So dont be angry with them, they can only listen to so much of the same problems over and over. They especially know that since youve been with that guy for 9 years, you will be suffering for a loooong time, so they had to avoid giving you any go-ahead to venting to them. No one really likes to be vented to.

 

But thats what you have this board for! You can ask all the questions you want, long as you accept the answers. Plus helping people with problems on this board helps you heal.

Edited October 17, 2009 by boogieboy

[Crusoe]

Years back when my ex pulled her disappearing act the only thing my father said to me was "dont let it affect your work son". I was a little put out by that. Years later, one of my boys (I run a sports team) who I look upon as the son I never had, went through the same thing. You know what I said? Exactly what my dad said to me, it was at that moment I realized my old man did care.

Our parents are old hands at the game of life, they know what to do and what to say to get the best out of us. Remember your mum was right, you survived, and you did it on your own. You didn't realize how strong you are, they did. Take their reactions as a compliment.