how do u know?

[Bummed]

How do you know you haven't bucked fate? i mean how do u know u didn't completely blow it and screw up your best chance of happiness in this life? How do u know know that the woman u lost isn't that one person in the world who can save u from being a 50 year-old who never found someone--- childless, loveless, and alone? how do u know this isn't your reincarnated-after-every-lifetime mate and for some reason u've blown it in this life (and maybe it blows all the future lives, too)? how do u know???

 

i know it sounds ridiculous, but how do u know?

 

also, while we're at it:

 

been hearing this theory on loving... basically i was thinking about my woman as the center of my life- and therefore expecting her to think of me as the center of her life- so when she's happy i'm happy and vice versa.

she thought of me as an enhancement of her life, which centered upon her daughter (i didn't mind that) and her career and lifestyle... was it unrealistic of me to want to be the center, rather than the enhancement?

 

do all relationships eventually go there anyway? is it therefore stupid/childish/unrealistic to want to be thought of that way?

[Tony T]

1. "How do you know you haven't bucked fate?"

 

You don't.

 

2. " i mean how do u know u didn't completely blow it and screw up your best chance of happiness in this life?"

 

There's absolutely no way of knowing. But you get hundreds, if not thousands of chances, every minute of every day. Happiness comes from within. YOU are responsible for and YOU provide your own happiness. If you are looking for another person to provide happiness for you, you've already lost the game. You are pathetic. Another person will do absolutely NOTHING for you if you aren't a happy person already.

 

Matter of fact, it may be pretty hard to find somebody to love you if you aren't happy. Most sane people look for happy people to love...not pathetically unhappy people. I know for myself I can't fall in love with somebody who's not happy in and of themselves.

 

As far as loving any particular individual, there are literally thousands of potential mates and lovers out there. It would be absolutely INSANE for you to think you NEED any particular one of them. All you need is somebody to love and who loves you. Find that and, kapowwwww, you've got it. But there's lot of them out there. If you screw up on one or two....ten or twenty....you've still got lots more chances. Our creator thought this one out really carefully because there are some very slow learners around.

 

3. "How do u know know that the woman u lost isn't that one person in the world who can save u from being a 50 year-old who never found someone--- childless, loveless and alone?"

 

Hell if I know. But take it from a guy whose been absolutely madly in love with at least a dozen women, the is no one particular woman out there for us. There are so very many wonderful ladies who would seem to be our soulmate. It would be totally cruel and heartless for the universe to set one person out there among the six billion people on the planet and expect us to bust our ass to find him or her. That's crazy.

 

4 "How dou know this isn't your reincarnated-after-every-lifetime mate and for some reason u've blown it in this life (and maybe it blows all the future lives, too)?"

 

I don't think there is any way you can know. I also don't think there is such a thing as a reincarnated-after-every-lifetime mate. It's a romantic as hell notion though and if it works for you, keep it. It just doesn't make a lot of rational sense. For me, I like the idea that if my "perfect mate" rejects me eventually, there are lots more out there for me. If you want just one and want to spend a lot of time finding her, knock yourself out.

5. "i know it sounds ridiculous, but how do u know?"

 

Nah, doesn't sound ridiculous....but I haven't a faint idea how you know. For me, if I find mutual love and there's caring, communication, shared goals, shared religious views...or respect for each others, shared interests, commitment, forgiveness, open mindedness, etc., WOW...that's what I'm looking for. I certainly could find that in more than one woman. If there's another out there mean for me, hell with it. I'm not giving up on a great thing just because I may think somebody out there is really meant for me. People don't have ID marks on serial numbers on them...or my initials under there arms. I'm going by how I feel.

 

6. "basically i was thinking about my woman as the center of my life- and therefore expecting her to think of me as the center of her life- so when she's happy i'm happy and vice versa.

she thought of me as an enhancement of her life, which centered upon her daughter (i didn't mind that) and her career and lifestyle... was it unrealistic of me to want to be the center, rather than the enhancement?"

 

Any demand of expectation is unrealistic. People think like they are going to think. Most women will always put their children ahead of everything else...that's just plain nature. The bottom line is men provide women with sperm and some support, which is necessary. The love is definitely an enhancement.

 

7. "do all relationships eventually go there anyway?"

 

Go where? Lots of them go to DisneyWorld. Don't know what you're getting at here.

 

8. "is it therefore stupid/childish/unrealistic to want to be thought of that way?"

 

You mean that you are the center of the woman's life??? Again, any expectation is irrational and unrealistic. A woman may consider you the main attraction for a while. But when the kids come, you suddenly go down the list of priorities a good bit. That's mother nature's way of ensuring survival of the species. If you want to be number one every moment, marry a gal who loves you who doesn't want children.

 

Sure, the woman will still love you as much but she won't have the same kind of time to devote to you. Raising kids is one hell of a hard business....some women are very surprised at just how hard. There's just no way they can put you number one and keep an eye on another human being who is totally and completely dependent on her for its very survival.

 

It's not supid/childish/unrealistic to want to be THOUGHT OF in that way, but it's absolutely crazy if you think it will BE that way. I also think it's pretty unhealthy. You may have an ego deficiency that requires therapy. You have to understand that children put major new factors into the love equation. Hopefully they'll be worth it for you.

[flowers]

that is a great question.

You never really know

However, what I have learned is that when someone great comes along...and makes you happy, and likes you for the person you are...istead of what your exterior is....and is truly sincere and loyal.......and wants to spend enough time with you....that you better keep them...and, not take them for granted.

 

and, if you are unsure of someone or something....you should take time off with that person....and not necessarily jump to another person......

hope that helped.....

[Bummed]

thanks for all the replies. 'specially yours flowers. tony, u make some good points, but u misread part of my post. still, thanks anyway.

 

flowers, i think u hit the nail on the head with the better not take them for granted comment. i guess i did take her for granted... she took me for granted too. so... we'll see. she initiated contact with me (sort of) tonight, so ... hell i dunno. i dunno dunno dunno. i... dunno

[flowers]

your welcome!