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Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

 
 
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Old 2nd August 2009, 10:54 PM   #1
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It's been awhile.....

Hello all of you I have not posted anything in quite some time and thought I would talk about some things.

Well a little background on my situation:
September 2008 - I got promoted at work and it forced my family to move
September 2008 - My wife sees an opportunity to leave me for an online affair that I did not know about
December 2008 - I had a gut feeling she was involved with another man so I did some snooping and managed to figure out her password to her email (not proud of that but I had to know) and read all the heartbreaking love letters and saw all the wonderful pictures of each otherís privates
December - The new guy got some other chick pregnant and now my wife is out the door ( I should mention that he lived all the way across the US and they never physically met, from what I have gathered)
January 2009 - present - I have been struggling very hard to forget about this woman and move on, but it is very hard for me. I love her very much and I am not letting go for some reason.

Most would have moved on or at least found someone new to help the getting over the greiving process. I have tried but I cannot even entertain the thought of going on a date, or even a one night stand with another woman.

We were married for 10 years (10 years in Aug 2008 we currently are married because of my medical for her and the kids, she has told me she does want a divorce) The problem is we have children together (1 bio and 2 step, she is about 5 years older than me) and that causes us to have to see each other.

When I go and pick the kids up for school vacations she offers for me to stay at her place, so I do. I always sleep in another room and never ever try to have sex (as much as I want too). The problem is that when I stay there I tend to snoop for signs of her with another person, I don't like doing that but if I found out she was with someone else I would not stay there and things would be easier for me because I would know the situation.

When I stay there I take her out to eat, rent movies and all kinds of things that we enjoy. I just am so confused about all this, because she likes to spend time with me but she will not touch, kiss or show any type of affection. Every once in awhile she will text me saying she was thinking of me and just wanted to say hi.

I don't know what to do, I am in so much pain over this and me spending time with her is rubbing salt in the wounds. There is a part of me that does not want to give up and still try my hardest to work things out, then the other side of me is like "STOP THIS" she does'nt care so just forget about it.

So I guess what I am asking here is, am I just not getting the clue that this a losing battle and I need to give up or should I keep pressing and spend quality time with her and try to get her to love me again? Thanks
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Old 5th August 2009, 2:31 PM   #2
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I would have to vote for give up and move on. The reason I say this is because she knows very well what you want and it seems to me that she is "keeping you on the shelf" if you will. She knows you are still on the end of her hook and she can throw it out there and get you back at anytime.

Also, ask yourself this question. Do you really think you could trust her completely again? or will you be walking on eggshells wondering what she's doing at every minute of the day that you're not around. Trust, to me, is a HUGE factor in a relationship....
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Old 8th August 2009, 7:10 PM   #3
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Hey phin, thanks for replying. I agree that I need to move on and forget this whole situation. I have been trying tofigure out ways to forget but everything I do there is something that brings up the memories.

I guess I need to figure out in my mind how to come to peace with the past and focus on the future. How to do this, I have no idea. I guess sitting aroung doing nothing reading about people who are striving emotionally like I am is not a good way to stimulate the mind in a positive manner
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