Bummed Posted February 15, 2003 Share Posted February 15, 2003 she seems fine with our breakup, whereas i'm friggin' heartbroken. I know it is petty of me, i should wish her the best, blah blah blah... but i'm pissed. i miss her, and she should miss me back! she should frickin' miss me more!!! ugh. sucks. breakups SUCK! THEY SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bummed Posted February 15, 2003 Author Share Posted February 15, 2003 so here are the questions: 1. will if find somebody i will love as much? i'm 31, and she was the first i loved that much. 2. will i find somebody who will love me as much as she did? (yes to that one, probably. if not) these are the 2 questions that really worry me the most. ugh ugh ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bummed Posted February 15, 2003 Author Share Posted February 15, 2003 what i need to remember is that she 1. has her own coping mechanisms... everybody handles breakups differently 2. if she didn't love me i'm even better off because that means i'm LUCKY we broke up 3. i don't know if she's really handling it that easily or just SHOWING me that she's handling it easily. another thing that upsets me is knowing how easily she could find a new man. she's quite beautiful... but then again she probably - probably - won't find a man who will love her as well as i did. i was (usually) very very good to her... but then we get back to the question why is she having such an easy time of it if i was so good to her? then we get back to #1. she has her own mechanisms etc. as well as #3. and #2 applies if the question becomes why didn't she love me more EVEN THOUGH i was very good to her... and can expand that answer too... because it implys (if i was good to her, which i was) that there is something wrong with me. that she liked the way i treated her but didn't like ME, something in my core. which i think must be true... so then comes #4 4. if she didn't love ME for me, that doesn't mean i suck, it means that her and I didn't match. and if her and I didn't match, then I'm even MORE luck i'm not with her, because, no matter what I did, how I treated her, she would never feel for me what I wanted her to fee. so again i'm better off. in fact, the ONLY way I'm NOT better off is if she was my soulmate and we just screwed it up. but i doubt she's my soulmate. i mean wouldn't you pretty much KNOW? maybe i'm getting too old and cynical to believe in soulmate. in which case, she is no better than another woman who would be GOOD ENOUGH. and, by that way of thinking, there are a lot of women who could be GOOD ENOUGH who are more ideal than her. so i'm STILL better off without her. it keeps on coming back to me being better off without her. so why am i bummed? i didn't lose a soulmate, she wasn't really what i was looking for... i guess there are 2 things. 1. i'm bummed that i won't get to do all the things with her that i liked doing and 2. i'm afraid i won't find somebody else who i will enjoy doing those things with. why? because she liked going hiking and kayaking and doing adventurous stuff and her face would light up with joy and gratitude when i took her to new places and did things for her. i've got some kind of stupid hero complex or something. i'm basically afraid i won't find a woman who will be as much of a trooper as she was when it came to doing new stuff like that. and that's a real fear. because maybe she was pretty exceptional in that she loves that stuff and being introduced to that stuff but she never did it before i started taking her to do that stuff. and that's probably pretty unusual. so that's what i WILL miss. doing the things i wanted to do with her. but is that really that bad? i mean honestly? is that that bad? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 15, 2003 Share Posted February 15, 2003 1. "will if find somebody i will love as much? i'm 31, and she was the first i loved that much." Yes, and even more, but in different ways. I have fallen deeply in love at least ten times in my life and look forward to more. I've fallen many, many times...but not quite so deepl. It's a lot of fun and you eventually learn to relish the heartbreak because you know you there's another love there somewhere once the healing process is complete. This is the space age and sometimes love doesn't last as long as it used to. If you learn to enjoy ever moment, in the present, you will never regret a loss. 2. " will i find somebody who will love me as much as she did? (yes to that one, probably. if not)" Unconditionally guaranteed. Now, after reading your post, your major problem may be that you treated her too good. Women don't necessarily like that. There's got to be some edge of challenge involved in the deal. If you're dating a woman and you're always there for her, always doing things for her, always taking her out, kissing her butt every minutes, accomodating her every whim, she will soon sicken of that and turn you loose. Learn to be nice but not too nice. Learn to be unpredictable. Women love that. Learn to be a little aloof, uncaring sometimes...but not too much so. If you keep a woman guessing, you keep her interested. I have a feeling this lady got bored of you because you were just too nice and too predictable. You seem to be way too much into finding somebody to love...which is nice....but you need to learn the skills neccessary to do so because if you kiss their ass in a major way in the process they will run all over you and leave. When you treat a woman too sweetsie sweetsie, it's really nauseating to them. You ex's new guy will probably treat her a bit more like normal and she'll be with him longer. There are actually women, undesireable usually but nevertheless very beautiful, who won't stay with a guy unless he treats her like shxt. Those are from screwed up families and they think when a guy abuses them like their daddy did, that must be good. Go figure....and STOP being so nice. And stop being such a wimp for love, too. Women don't like that at all. Don't appear needy of them. Geez...didn't anybody ever tell you this stuff??? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 15, 2003 Share Posted February 15, 2003 I just noticed you've answered your own questions for other people in other posts. Who are you trying to kid here? You seem to have the drill down pat as far as getting over somebody and finding somebody else. Your major problem is keeping them around because you are way too nice!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bummed Posted February 16, 2003 Author Share Posted February 16, 2003 thanx for the reply Tony. i agree w/you about the being nice part. i had the dumb idea that if i was that nice to her she would be that nice to me or value me that much more. intuitively that might make sense, but reality ain't reflecting that at all. it comes down to believing in a romantic ideal of love versus understanding basic human nature. maybe you're right about the wanting to be in love part too. maybe i wanter her and i to love each other so much that games weren't necessary. need to keep that in mind for the future. the best part of the relationship might be the learning that comes along with the break-up... as for answering my own questions in other posts... hell, i ALWAYS know the answeres when it is someone else's problem, lol Link to post Share on other sites
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