Great message

[Ally Boo]

A friend of mine has been helping a guy friend of her's get through his recent break up. He's very upset, and she wrote this "essay" to help him deal with his loss. She's lost a father, and I guess that's why she's got it figured out on how to cope and deal with emotional losses. I wanted to share this....

 

Her name is Jennifer

 

To what do we owe this occasion? Or perhaps we should call it an experience... a lesson. A payback? The "occasion" I speak of is yet another loss in your life. However, might it also be a gain? Knowledge is power, and with every event in our life, we advance in knowledge. Unless we're so insane that we forget to retain what we've learned, therefore permitting the same mistakes to happen again and again and again.

Life seems to revolve around words that begin with the letter L. In life, we must first live. To accomplish living, one must simply breathe. Yes, we need nourishment, and warmth in order to support breath for an extended period of time. But it all boils down to breathing. With breath comes oxygen, the heartbeat, the flow of blood... And so the anatomy of the human body extends on and on.

Through living, we tend to learn. From the very moment we are born, perceptions of everything come into play. We rely heavily on EVERYTHING to teach us what we need to know to advance. Thus, we are learning. We learn that crying will get us fed, changed, bathed, clothed, held, and loved. We learn that crying brings forth comfort. We learn to roll over, crawl, walk, laugh, talk...

Beginning at the tender age of infancy, we even learn to love. We yearn for our mother's embrace. We relish in encouraging words. We smile when others take pride in our actions. The search for acceptance begins when we are born, and we never realize it until we're old enough to understand the true characteristics of it.

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So it is years later that we find ourselves yearning to replace the warmth of our mother's arms with the embrace of another soul. One who's depth, and inner being, can bring forth much more satisfaction in acceptance than our own mother's did at infancy. I only say much more, because in those years that we spent learning, and retaining information, gaining knowledge and becoming more powerful... did we begin to realize that other types of love and acceptance existed than the types that come from our own blood.

In those years of personal research, we've developed an outline of the soul we're searching for. Someone who's enough like us that we're comfortable in their presence, and yet just different enough to desire to seek to know more about that person. A mystery, if you will, waiting to be solved. A person who's embrace comforts us, warms us from the cold, and cools us in times of anger. A person who's inner strengths can hold up when your's are bending, but can also accept your strength when it is needed. Every person yearns for perfection, a soulmate that meets all the criteria. Few people find it. Some are molded to fit it. It is in this search, that we mustn't forget to merely live. And what is living? It's as simple as taking one breath.

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Ahh yes, you've found someone who has caught your eye. Perhaps the physical attraction was the bait on the hook that reeled her in. You brought her in, you held her in your hands, and found that she had more than was on your list of criteria. In fact, she had so much, that some of it spilled over onto your list of things you didn't want in a woman. But you're lonely. You've been without a pair of loving arms for too long, and you fear that your life is passing you by. But that can't be, because you're the one in the driver's seat. You're the one in control of your what? Your BREATH! So what do you do when this one person becomes someone you never wanted to begin with? You take a step back, and you breathe. Put her back in the water for the next fisherman to snag, and continue your search.

You can't hold onto something that isn't making you happy. If you wait around for her to change to suit your needs, then you're not ever going to be in love with who she is... because she isn't herself anymore. She would have been molded, and that's not good. Because then you're not allowing her to live. She needs to be in control of her own life as well...

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That brings us here. Grievance. Acceptance. Moving on. A cycle, or process that has been around for so long, that people don't even realize they're dealing with it until they're over it. Yes, you had acceptance for a short time. However, it was long enough to change your lifestyle. Your daily routine was altered to fit another schedule that included someone else. Voices other than your own or that of the television filled your apartment, and you were comfortable with those presences. And now they're gone, as quickly as they entered the front door. It is definitely an initial shock when you turn the TV off and there's total silence. But eventually, you'll alter your lifestyle to fit that silence too.

How do you deal with the memories? You smile at the good ones, kick yourself in the ass over the bad ones, and cry over a lot of it. It's ok if you're a guy to cry. And yes, even the pity me, grab your sides cause it hurts so bad type of crying is acceptable too. Throw a pillow over your head and scream. Watch a bunch of sad love stories, and listen to all the songs that ever reminded you of her. The sooner your grieve, the faster you get over it all, and the quicker you move on.

And through it all, guess what? You're still breathing which means what? Ahh yes, you're still ALIVE! So it wasn't the end of the world after all, even though it feels like it at times.

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What do you do with the time that she filled in your daily schedule? Pick up new hobbies! Playstation... Church. Work. Reading. The internet. A second job maybe? A second job would be a good way to meet people. Perhaps something as simple as Blockbuster, or a waiter or something. It's just a suggestion. But this time is meant to move AWAY from her, so don't use that time to sit around and reminisce about her. It's only feasible to do this during the grievance stage. After that, get over it. No one wants to be friends with a pathetic guy who keeps blaming himself when everything doesn't go the way you wanted it to go.

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And on that note, I'll end this essay on "GETTING OVER IT!" Life's too short to sit around and analyze every situation we encounter, to the extent that you do anyway. The way I see it (since I CAN see the whole picture from a distance)... you met a girl, you dated her for a short bit, she didn't turn out to be what you expected, and now you gotta get over it. How you gonna do that? IT'S AS SIMPLE AS BREATHING! You just gotta live. And through that you learn, and you love. So you lost... a couple of times. But eventually, everyone wins. Just gotta wait it all out my friend.

[butterflyz]

great message.

 

so many times when we pick someone to spend time with, we expect it to be the end-all, be-all relationship, when more times than not, they end.

 

the reasons why they end are too many to mention, but people get stuck on the ending instead of seeing it as a new beginning.

 

i try to always look ahead, never back.

 

thanks for sending the post.