Justmike101 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I've been NC for 2 months but broken up for 7. l've never been able to really get things together emotionally. Her thoughts are always in the back of my mind depressing my feelings and psychological health. It's really bad and I am so sick of feeling like ***** when she is out dating her new bf and sleeping in his bed. Why is it so hard for me to just cut it off from my heart and mind and just move on? My ex did. In fact she probably got a good ego boost from my pleading and begging in the earlier stage of the breakup. Is it due to the emotional trauma I suffered? She really treated me harsh and even called me a stalker. She got a new boyfriend in no time and is happily dating right now. She was somehow able to just get over me quick. Her tone of voice changed overnight, and she wanted nothing to do with me, no contact no nothing. I was so good to her. Yes I was not the perfect boyfriend but I loved her and cared for her more than myself. We were together for 1 year. How can people just do this? We weren't strangers. We knew each other since high school. I met her as an adult. It seems that she really is impulsive as our mutual friend pointed out. It's been too long. I found out last night that she has a new boyfriend. I also know that she is not hurting over me anymore. She says this is the hardest breakup she's ever been through. She was my first love and first in everything including sex. I wasn't her first love but I was her first physically as well. Does this have anything to do with it?
msjules Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Mike, I have found a really good site about getting over your breakup. I may have found it here, I don't know. Anyway, here it is. http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/
drutten Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I don't find that website helpful at all. It basically says you can choose to stop grieving. It's like being told to "get a grip" or "cheer up". In my experience that kind of approach doubles the pain by making you feel guilty or abnormal for not being able to "choose" to be happy. I much prefer the plaque on a close friend (and lover)'s wall in her office (she is a therapist): grief is not a mental disorder, it's the price we pay for love. So, spend time with people who respect you and like you and who don't tell you to get a grip but allow you to grieve but who can also give you some distraction from the pain. Eventually you become numb and after that you can find a new spring in your step, but you cannot rush that by making a "choice" to be over the pain.
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