loneliness

[Beee]

How does one cope with the loneliness of a breakup?

 

My relationship ended 2 weeks ago and although I am doing better than the first week it still hurts so much and the loneliness is still ever so present.... The end of the relationship came as a bit of a shock, no real signs that is was going to end.

 

It all ended amicably and we are trying to stay friends, but the emptiness and loneliness that is with me is so strong and heavy!

I am part to blame in feeling this way, as while I was in the relationship I may have let some of my friendships out of sight.....

I really do want him back, but I am aware sitting around hoping he will come back won't help. I told him I wouldn't wait around for him but if there was a chance it could work between us I would take it.

 

I do have friends in the city I live in but most of my close friends (and my parents) either live in another city or country all together. I know I need to get motivated and do things. But how do you find the energy? what gets people out of bed when the 1st thought I have every day is I wish I could just roll over and be cuddle and kiss him?

How do you meet people?

 

I am generally quite a bubbly person, but this has nocked me and any confidence down, and now I dread the weekends and evenings when I would have done something with my ex.

 

My best friend tried to "motivate" me with a harsh talk last night and all it did was make me feel even more alone, thinking he didn't get how I'm feeling.....

 

Any advice? I just want to be able to get out of bed in the morning not fearing the day and not having my heart full of sadness and loneliness.

[Billie63]

Hello love. Two weeks is not long at all and your friend was a bit harsh I think.

 

The feelings you have are normal and natural and there is nothing you can do to speed up the process of grieving a lost relationship.

 

However, you can take small steps. I find it easier to change the routine that I had with my ex.

 

For example, I'd come home from work and he'd cook for the two of us, I'd wash up. All very nice but sometimes it got on my nerves.

 

These days, I'll either eat my last meal at work or buy a convenience meal. It's effortless and there's hardly any washing up. I love not having to go to the supermarket every weekend to shop for two. Now I go to Marks and Sparks and shop for just little old me.

 

Maybe you could think of a break from routine during the week?

At weekends, do what you want to do. If you want to stay in bed eating ice cream, then do it, there's no one there to say you can't.

 

Be kind to yourself and respect the fact that this relationship mattered to you.

[Meaplus3]

How does one cope with the loneliness of a breakup?

 

My relationship ended 2 weeks ago and although I am doing better than the first week it still hurts so much and the loneliness is still ever so present.... The end of the relationship came as a bit of a shock, no real signs that is was going to end.

 

It all ended amicably and we are trying to stay friends, but the emptiness and loneliness that is with me is so strong and heavy!

I am part to blame in feeling this way, as while I was in the relationship I may have let some of my friendships out of sight.....

I really do want him back, but I am aware sitting around hoping he will come back won't help. I told him I wouldn't wait around for him but if there was a chance it could work between us I would take it.

 

I do have friends in the city I live in but most of my close friends (and my parents) either live in another city or country all together. I know I need to get motivated and do things. But how do you find the energy? what gets people out of bed when the 1st thought I have every day is I wish I could just roll over and be cuddle and kiss him?

How do you meet people?

 

I am generally quite a bubbly person, but this has nocked me and any confidence down, and now I dread the weekends and evenings when I would have done something with my ex.

 

My best friend tried to "motivate" me with a harsh talk last night and all it did was make me feel even more alone, thinking he didn't get how I'm feeling.....

 

Any advice? I just want to be able to get out of bed in the morning not fearing the day and not having my heart full of sadness and loneliness.

 

I'm sorry your hurting. I always found the best way to get through the loneliness was by keeping busy. For example, Taking up a hobby that will keep your mind busy, excercise or simply hanging out with close friends or even family. Best wishes.

 

AP:)

[citizen67]

Hi - sorry you are feeling lonely, I can relate. If you don't already exercise I think its a great time to start - its hard to get motivated to do something like exercise when you feel depressed, but force yourself with the knowledge that you will be doing something that makes you feel and look better, plus it is proven to help with depression, so join a gym, hire a personal trainer, or of you can't afford that, research online a program about starting running. I have been running (and not for extraordinary lengths or times) and I just visited a friend who couldnt stop marveling at how my legs looked, which was really nice. I also recommend yoga - I just recently signed up for a yoga class and I honestly think that its the only thing that stops me from contacting him. When I start thinking about it, I think to myself, let me wait until after yoga on Monday morning and see how I feel then, and I have never wanted to contact him after yoga class. I hope you are feeling better soon, part of the answer is, of course, simply letting some time pass. I tried to avoid the pain for a long time by continuing in a crappy relationship - I wish I had just allowed myself to go through the painful experience with the knowledge that, like everything else, it would eventually end. That's what I am trying to do now. Good luck

[nowhereman82]

What they said.

 

The first couple of weeks going to the gym is what kept me sane. You will be surprised what an hour or two of cardio can do

 

Also comfort food is nice

[4dviceJunki3]

I understand exactly how you feel. It seems that nothing is going to be the same again for you. That you will never find anyone that will fill his shoes. It's even hard to eat because as soon as you get your mind off of it and you begin to do any activity that you planned, the thought of the entire situation as a whole comes into your head for a BRIEF second and the sick sensation in your stomach turns up.

 

You have to understand that it's only been 2 weeks so everything you're feeling like right now is perfectly normal. I personally think the best way to cope with this is to do exactly what has myself and others responding to this thread, to talk about it on forums like this. Read other peoples relationship stories, their break-ups and how they managed to cope with it. Keep your mind occupied with reading. Your mind wants to constantly think about it and you end up sitting there dwelling in your own sorrow asking yourself "Where is he right now?" "What is he doing?" "Has he moved on?" "Is he talking to anyone or with anyone else right now?" "I wonder how he's feeling?". One thing I found is that it's okay to ask yourself these questions; however, you need to realize that you have to keep telling yourself that a brighter day is eventually going to surface for you.

 

Don't think it's the end of the world and that you'll never find somebody. Even though it's extremely hard to not think that because you've lost something that you've devoted so much time and effort and your mind, naturally, wants to think that because that's what it needs to understand the the loss of something that was once valuable to it. Time is the best tool used to heal troubles and you have to learn to use it to your own benefit. Try to always surround yourself with friends that have positive attitudes and not ones that will speak harshly and put you down more. That sort of reverse psychology method doesn't work with situations like this. You need to talk to someone motivating and someone that has been through it him/herself and share stories so that you know that you're not alone. Right now, the feeling that you have in your head and your stomach, just about 50 million other people are feeling the same exact way so just know that almost EVERYONE goes through this.

 

One of the most famous quotes heard around the world plays very true in this situation: What can't kill you can only make you stronger.

 

It's hard to apply any formula, knowledge, or advice when you're constantly feeling down and I understand that but you have to realize that you're better than the person who did this to you. Now you really need to sit down and take the time to figure out what you want for yourself...that's all I can tell you! =) Other then that, I am not hoping that you will get over this because I know you will and one day you will look back at it and feel so good that you're over it that it's going to give you more than enough confidence to start looking around.

[Beee]

Thanks for all the advice.....

 

I am trying to keep busy and trying to see friends and surround myself with people who care. The unhappy truth though is that, even when I'm with people, I still miss him and find myself wanting to be doing this and that with him.

What you all say is true (especially you 4dviceJunki3), it hurts, it hurts like hell and even makes me feel sick.... and only time will heal I guess....

I still find mornings really hard to cope with.... All I can think about is waking up next to him....

 

I have tried to keep my distances from him (as we work together) but we bump into each other, he sends me emails (and flirty ones too at time- which I personally think is mean) but its hard. I do wonder whether NC would work for me, but how do I handle it if we work 2 doors down from each other?

 

I tried suggesting a light hearted meal the other day (as we agreed we would try and stay friends) but he turned it down due to other plans.... whether this is true or not, I don't know (and never will).

I want to be friends with him, I want him in my life.... but I guess the wound needs to heal a bit before this can happen....

 

Do ex's care after you break up?

 

Sorry if the post is all over the place, I guess that's just how I'm feeling today.... thanks for your very kind words though!

[nowhereman82]

Beee.....I am sure you have read through this forum and by now know communicating with the ex is going to keep that wound open. So why are you doing this to yourself?

 

Working around him is going to be hard enough to help healing....but emails and meals and what not will just add to it.

 

It's ok to not be happy and to think about him while you are with your friends. They will hopefully understand as mine did. You are with them to distract yourself. Hence why everyone has told you to stay busy.

 

Also I suggest you block his emails if he is sending flirty ones....that is very selfish of him and does you no good.

 

The ex's might care...but not in the way we would hope to think. If they felt like us, they probably wouldn't of been so quick to leave us. But that's not for you to worry about and dwell on.

 

Keep reading here, post out your feelings and thoughts here, and find any activity you can to stay busy....oh and keep all communication with the ex to a min. Besides don't want him to see you as weak and/or desperate.

 

Be strong!

[0hpenelope]

Do ex's care after you break up?

 

Some don't, but I've found them to be in the minority.

 

Most exes care after the break up. How they express they care, their actions... that's the part that confounds most of us.

 

But like nowhere says, that's not for you to worry about anymore - whether or not he does care, I mean. Even if he does, knowing doesn't look like it's going to do you a whole lot of good right now. I wonder about that a lot, still, whether or not Lawrence cares, but it doesn't matter. Nothing's going on, so detaching from him has definitely gotten bearable.

 

I hope you know that you'll be okay.

[Beee]

When will I stop wanting him back? when will I stop wondering what he's doing/thinking/planning?

 

I know I need to get on with my life, but he's left such a void that even the stupidest of things gets me thinking about him, about us.....

I've been trying to keep myself busy but sooner or later I will have to face myself, my fears and the fact that we are not together any more.....

 

I just wish he would realise that it was all a big mistake!

[roghornio]

I was kinda in the same boat – but I’ve gone extreme, I’m moving to a different country lol. I will prbbably end up 10 times lonlier! [FONT=Wingdings]L[/FONT] we’ll see.

[saams]

it takes time.. just tell yourself it's over and stop hoping for a second chance. it gets much easyer when you accept with yourself that it's over for good, and it will be easyer for you to move on..

[MalachiX]

First off, you've got a long road ahead of you. I don't know how long you were with your EX but they say you should take the total amount of time you were with them, cut it in half, and that's how long it will take you to get over them. It's not a nice prospect. It's been six months for me out of a two and a half year relationship so I've still got some dues to pay. On the up side, at least I'm not like my friend who was in a fifteen year relationship...

 

I know how you feel. I too have some friends in my city but everyone really close to me is in another city and that's hard, especially when you're vunerable. Once again, this will take time. You'll have some days when you feel great and others where you're suddenly very sad even though you thought you were over all this. Every time I go through a few weeks of not feeling the loss, something spurns it up again. Just two days ago I had a long dream where I re-united with my EX and was pretty down for the rest of the day (though not nearly as bad as I would have been a few months ago).

 

Anyway, the best coping method I can think of is the following. ENJOY BEING YOURSELF. In any serious relationship, you put a ton of energy into the other person and making things work. Now you get the opportunity to put all that energy into you. Working out is a good idea if you can afford it but there are other things as well. Maybe you always want to take up a craft or skill. Maybe you wanted to learn to speak a second language. Maybe you wanted to finally read all those great novels.

 

Most Western literature and mythology is built around the idea of a ritual death and rebirth like Christ (I'm not trying to preach Christianity, just saying where the influence in Western thought comes from). You've gone through a death of sorts and, as with any good story, what follows is a rebirth. This is your opportunity to re-invent yourself. You get to work hard and try to make yourself into a better person. The kind of person who you've always wanted to be and who can survive without your EX. The kind of person who will one day attract someone who is right for you and not let you down. It's not easy, I'm still working on it, but I promise it's a wonderful feeling when you try to push yourself and see what kind of human being you can be.

 

Good luck.

[Beee]

I feel so lost and empty today, when will it get better?

 

Stupid thing to ask I know... but today is a bad day... the mornings are worse and the weekend aren't much better....

Hey at least I have my health and the sun is shining, right?

[m00nstone]

For me, it's only been about a week since my ex told me he didn't want to get back together after we'd been working on our relationship for a few months. I feel really alone, but it has gotten better since I made myself a plan to deal with this. I set goals, and every time a goal is reached, I know that I'll feel better. Maybe if you make a plan and set some goals for yourself, you'll feel better. It's also easier to stick to NC if you make a plan.

 

Not contacting him is a good idea for now. The more you reach out to him, the farther he'll pull back. Give it a few weeks or months. Let him come to you. Or if you are feeling strong enough, then drop him a short line asking how he is (but no invitation to do anything yet).

 

When this ex and I broke up 5 or 6 years ago, we stopped speaking for 3 years. I was the dumpee, so after a period of calling and messaging him, I gave up and started NC. The whole time, I figured he was getting lots of girls and not thinking about me at all. When we got back together again by a fluke, I asked him if he ever thought about me, and he said yes. The lesson I learned here was just not to underestimate people. Try not to wonder if he cares about you right now - he probably does - but the more you try to find that out from him, the less he will think about you.

[hrtbroken99]

you have recieved some good advice here

at least it has only been 2 weeks for you

I am struggling here 2 YEARS LATER. can you imagine how that is? I feel like such a loser who hasnt met anyone decent since then, to come home to an empty house everyday after work. my life has torn apart from me the person I once was died 2 years ago. it really sucks I hate it and have just accpeted it that this is what is in plan for me. I hate weekends and work late during the week so I do not have to come home and be reminded that it is just me and the four walls again...everyday.

 

stick with NC, keep yourself busy, go the gym or do an activity that you life, hang out with friends and family and take care of yourself. I really wish you the best