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Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

 
 
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Old 21st January 2008, 9:09 AM   #1
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Personal Growth

Anthea Paul says A break up is a sign from the universe that there is soul work to be done, by one or both of you.

I gathered this after experiencing personal growth that i would have only been able to go through on an occasion like a breakup.

The main thing you need for good relationships is a sense of yourself, so you have very clear boundries and a strong identity.

I didn't have this in my relationship. I had been through a series of experiences that made me vunerable to label myself, to which i lived by definitions of -weak, the sick girl, my ex was my everything. I didn't even think of my own happiness, because my happiness was the relationship. Which is a set up for heartbreak. Not many relationships will last the strain of this. I tried to find myself in my ex, for a while i hid behind her, and funnily enough she did the same thing. On the outside no body saw our breakup coming. Everyone saw how in love we were, saw how we adored each other. When we came home it was the same. We ONLY adored each other and we ONLY loved each other. I didn't tell her how i was unhappy, and she didnt tell me that she was unhappy. I didnt have enough grip on myself to live by my authentic self and either did she.
Sure we loved each other with all our hearts, it really was beautiful, and gentle and everything you dream about. but love didnt allow us to work because we didnt love ourselves.

Relationships are designed to help you 'become' yourself, all relationships are perfect vehicles to help you do this.

Anthea Paul says relationships show you who you are and thats why they are often so fraught with problems and tensions. finding out who you are involves checking out your own shadow side too and this can be heavy-duty. for each person involved. but there is an upside. if you take responsibility for the problems, whether its your stuff or theirs - you might have set yourself up for a challenge but you have also positioned yourself perfectly for personal growth. and that is the real prize. no matter what the circumstances that led to it. relationship breakups show you where you need to do the work.

Personally i think we are all very lucky people because everyone here on love shack has really been given the chance to do exactly this - and become better and happier more than we have ever been. Sure it comes with a price, it is ironic i think, "loose your love but gain yourself" but at the end of the day, someone new will suit your new self. I sit back and wonder who this person will be... male, female. I have no clue! =) That is my little mystery... at least you know what sex your future partner will be.... or do you?


Jmina

Last edited by Jmina; 21st January 2008 at 9:12 AM..
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Old 21st January 2008, 4:19 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by Jmina View Post
The main thing you need for good relationships is a sense of yourself, so you have very clear boundries and a strong identity.

Relationships are designed to help you 'become' yourself, all relationships are perfect vehicles to help you do this.

Boy, your first comment is right on the money.

To take your second comment a step farther... Have you ever read the book "Conversations with God"?

In the book..."God" says that everything we encounter in our lives is another opportunity to better know ourselves. Every situation is another opportunity to experience our highest ideal of self.

The example that's used is to imagine yourself suspended naked, in mid air in a completely white room. Now...who are you?

Now imagine a tiny black dot appears on one of the walls. Now you can start making some determinations about "who you are". It is small...I am large. It is black...I am white (in my case). It's over there...I'm over here....etc...

The premise being...that each and every thing that we encounter on a daily basis is yet one more opportunity to better know ourselves....including the people we meet and the relationships we enter into.

It's an amazing book...not religious in any way and I would highly recommend it to anyone who is looking to "grow".
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