Gold_Tones Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 My ex-bf and I have been broken up for a good 10 months now and I've done all that I can to cope including being social and busy and just leaning on all my friends for support. But to be honest it's not enough, I'm feeling the loneliness set in and I just miss having physical closeness and intimacy. As much as I am tempted to have a 1 night-thing with a random man, when it comes down to it I'm just not comfortable with that. Anyone else feeling this way?? Link to post Share on other sites
GlamourBabe Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 Can I ask if you have still been in contact with him? If you have that always messes up the healing process.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gold_Tones Posted January 20, 2008 Author Share Posted January 20, 2008 We had minimal contact for the first 3 months but that was about it. I'm almost over him but not completely and despite my efforts over all these months to heal "properly"...I just feel like I'm always gonna be stuck in a rut Link to post Share on other sites
GlamourBabe Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 Well if you had LC for the first 3 months, see it as its been 7 months since fully breaking up. There isnt a set amount of time it takes to get over someone, I mean how long was the relationship. I did the rebound thing after my first ex and it made me feel worse, dont do it if you are unsure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gold_Tones Posted January 20, 2008 Author Share Posted January 20, 2008 We were together exclusively for 1 year but were good friends well before we got together, which for me really added this intensity to our relationship. I've definitely thought about rebounding on so many occasions and have had the opportunity but for whatever reason I just haven't been able to. I have this notion in my head that having a rebound will restore my confidence and give me something to work with....if that makes any sense at all. But I gather from your response that's not always the case. Why exactly did you feel worse? And thanks for your advice Glamourbabe Link to post Share on other sites
GlamourBabe Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 It made me feel worse because your not in the right frame of mind to make the best decisions. So the men I was picking up were " no hopers" and not even in my " league" Sounds arrogant but true. I would rather be on my own then to have to deal with that crap. Its Intimacy your missing, I know the feeling because I miss it too but be patient as it will come but not when you look for it. If you looking for casual sex , you wont find intimacy there. trust me on that one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gold_Tones Posted January 20, 2008 Author Share Posted January 20, 2008 Your definitely right, I don't want a "waste" man and now that I think about it, that's probably why I didn't hook up with any of the guys I've met over the last few months....cause they really didn't catch my eye or interest me in any way. So no I don't think it's arrogant for you to want someone that's in your "league". We all should have some standard of what kinda person we want to be dealing with. Link to post Share on other sites
jdeedee Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 To further things along, rebound relationships usually are not fair to the rebound. If you don't go into a relationship fully ready to be with someone you are lying to yourself and lying to your partner. From experience, there is nothing worse than coming out of a relationship feeling as if you did not go in with the right intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Absolutely. I had a one-afternoon-stand about a month after my last break-up. I was still an emotional wreck, didn't know which way was up. The attention and contact felt really good, for the moment, but very shortly afterward I felt disgusted. The guy was really nice, but I just wasn't that into him. I never would have hooked up with him under normal circumstances. I was very honest with him about my situation and my unreadiness to engage in anything meaningful. Problem was, he wound up very hung up on me, and he followed me around like a puppy-dog for at least a month, hoping I would miraculously be ready for him to be my boyfriend. I couldn't tell him that I'd be ready when hell froze over, and I felt awful for having led him on in the beginning. The whole thing was very. very not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
screwedup55 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I understand your loneliness. My ex broke up with me about a month ago and we were friends before we got together. One of the things that I miss the most is the connection we had. That closeness. I'm not talking about the physical. I'm talking about that rare connection you make with a person on a mental level. Link to post Share on other sites
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