Click for a new start. For some hope, help and guidence.

[Jmina]

Hello friends,

 

Since learning about healing, about myself and about the human spirit and most importantly about discovering my authentic self i would like to take this opportunity to help others.This forum is great for support, to unwind, to let out any worries, to vent, and to offer support. I am on a new mission to help others, (i have always known that i want to, but unsure how) This forum is a good start. So i am going to take that inititive and offer some guidence, direction. I dont expect anyone to take it, but there is a chance someone has logged on to here for some much needed help. So here it goes. I will do my best as Jmina to help. I have a lot of wisdom to gain and still have a lot to learn (i'm only just 24!) However this is all and everything i have learnt and found that i can offer for everyone with any problem. What you are about to read is what has helped me to find insight, to find love, to be open hearted. What you read below has enabled me to come out of a messy breakup from being totally and utterly heartbroken, devastated beyond belief and shocked, but to come through without out baggage, resentment and bitternes.Now i am somebody who i never thought i would be. Some people like to delve into things and read until they find some hope, if you arent like that then this post might not be for you. Although how do you know if you havnt tried? Open your heart and mind. Maybe grab a coffee also, it isnt exactly a short post

 

you will need an exercise book, or a word doc. i encourage you to use pen and paper, nothing heals the soul better and it gives you time for your mental processes. however if thats not your style a puter will also do just fine. Once you have read the whole post and had a go at the exercises think about keeping a on going journal and take writing- journaling. (if you havnt already!!!)

 

Here Goes

 

If you find yourself feeling down everyday 'stuck' in your healing process, you can use this as a positive time and maybe get some direction back into your life. Even if you feel you have a good basis on which to cope, if it isnt working for you maybe take a read. It isn't going to hurt. I suggest that you copy and paste this so you can read it and do the exercises over time - days, weeks - whatever you feel is necessary so you can absorb things, and find perspective. Try not to rush through it and deny yourself any chance of some healing. I am going to help you find your authentic self. This is what people talk about when they "find themselves again" through self discovery. And you know what? You usually like what you discover!

 

I really encourage you guys to join in, however it is only going to work if you truly are seeking some help, truly open to helping yourself and letting advice sink in and effect you rather than letting it disolve away into your misery and forgetting about it the next day.

 

You will explore your self and people in your life other than your ex. I encourage you to be couragous and take on something good today, a challenge!

 

It will be a chance for you to gain some inner strength! With inner strength you will be able to fight misery and you will fall with less impact. With inner strength you will stay focused for longer, and have direction for longer. With inner strength you will realise how unique and wonderful you are. With inner strength you will feel your human spirit!

 

 

This is going to be all about you! =) Some of this will be a treat as people love to write, talk and explain themselves. so go for gold. for some, it will be hard.

 

I encourage and insist that you have to be real with yourself. It is hard, but essential. Especially if you want to live authentically. Realise your patterns, usual excuses, rationalizations and justifycations for failure - what would you usually rely on? These are conjobs that sabotage you. See if you can tell it like it is instead of living with old excuses.

 

 

-excuses/ con jobs.

• too hard - can't handle it.

 

• s/he doesnt understand me

• I couldn't focus because of the kids and my job.

• she's just too harsh. I need a gentle approach.

• My problems are different.

• I need to read it again.

• I'm right and he's wrong.

Instead of figuring out if your doing something right, ask if it is working, or not working.

 

If you havnt acknowledged what is causing you problems you can't change.

 

So lets find this out about you. Even if you are well aware, this is a good exercise to do. You can reply-post this, or write it down if you would like to keep it a private journey.

 

exercise one

 

External Influences -People and experiences that affect us

 

 

5 pivotal people in your life

These are people who have impacted your life and caused you to change some way or another and sent your life into a different direction. It can be a good or bad infulence to your life. They can be a loved one, a teacher, a friend, a relative, a co-worker etc. They will most likely be from your past and present also.

 

Take a few minutes and jot them down.

 

You have gained morals, found talents, gained wisdom, felt pain or support through interactions with these pivotal people. They may have hurt you. Or they may have opened a window for you. One way or another they have changed your life. Realise who they are and how they have affected you.

 

Seven Critical Choices: These are negative or postive choices that you have made up until today that have set you on a path and what determine who and what you will become.

 

Jot these down.

 

10 defining moments

 

Find 10 defining moments in your life that have changed you and your life. These are moments that have sent you on a thriving journey, a self absorbed nature, a reluctant personality, bitter, open hearted, willing, unwilling and the list goes on.

 

Take some time and list these 10 pivotal moments. Most likely there will be something from a young age, right through to the present.

 

Learning about the pivotal people and defining times in your life is a good way to discover why you are on the path that you are on. It can help you realise a lot about yourself. It can also capture feelings that you hold within yourself that you might ignore on a day to day basis. Or forget about during the wirl wind that can be life.

 

 

 

Internal Influences - Internal dialogue, lables, records, set beliefs/limiting beliefs.

 

Internal dialogue. I have heard this described as "the continuous conversation that you have with yourself about everything that happens to you. This dialogue is constant, happens in real time (at the same rate at which you would speak the words aloud), and provokes a physiological change (with each thought comes a physical reaction)"

 

 

 

Labels- Humans organise everything into catagories. We know this as we experience it everyday. - taken, single, business people, average people, gay, straight, those who are educated, those who arent, mothers, fathers, the "inexperienced" winners, loosers etc. But are you aware that that we also also label ourselves? we do it to everything else so why not?

 

You can label yourself for better or for worse but they have a huge impact on how we think, feel and live. Labels are what give you your perspective of yourself! if you wonder why you cant accept something about yourself or why you are so self doubtful, or even if you are your best support and friend, it comes from your labels.

 

records

 

Records are things that we believe that have become almost set in concrete that play over and over in our heads. These are more dangerous than labels as they get a control over you and can derive a certain outcome that can be self defeating.

 

labels - i never win anything

records- i wont get a payrise because i never win

 

limiting and set beliefs

 

These are things that we believe about ourselves, others and life that have been repeated for soo long that they also became almost set in concrete and become very hard to change. Limiting beliefs are things that we set about ourselves that limit us to reach/ achieve goals. They also block out anything positive while confirming any negative information.

 

 

exercise two

 

Find your labels.

 

 

1.How do you label yourself? are you a business woman?, a dad , a politician? Are you a failure or a winner? Are you a "fat girl" or a "pretty girl?" Write down all the labels you attach to yourself, going back as far as you can remember.

2 Where did these labels come from? Did they come from you? Your parents? A teacher? A friend? Look at each label you wrote down in the above question, and identify where each one came from.

3. Are you living to your labels? How are your labels working for you? What are your payoffs?

 

 

About now, you may have learnt a lot about yourself or reminded yourself of some important things. This is a great self discovery. You might find that you need to forgive people, or thank people. You might find that you need to forgive your self, or embrace your uniqeness.

 

 

However Before you take that next step you need to find your 'self love' The miracle cure.

 

You are about to drop any labels and write down who you really are.

 

These are things that arent defined by your job, your family life or where you live. There are no labels, no records, or limited beliefs here. Next time someone asks who you are, next time you are asked to right down about yourself you will know the answers.

 

Jot down all the morals that you have, all the talents that you have and all the wisdom that you have gained.reflect over it. This is something that noone can touch, that noone can take away. This is what you live by and what you own. Finding and creating these things can be glorious.

 

 

 

Gratitude is the key

Count your blessings each day. write down what you are truly greatful for. People who have gratitude find life to be more fulfilling and see that love is all around.

 

 

 

A word about love

 

I have posted on LS before about love being two sided. -support and challenge. This can be an eye opener and can help us to truly open our hearts and accept others actions and stop blaming. It sets us onto a more peaceful path and avoids future resenting and bitterness!

 

A man who has helped many, through inspirational speaking is Dr John F. Demartini. After a near death experience he dedicated his life to becoing a teacher, healer and philosopher.

 

This truly opens your heart and you realise that love is all around. take a read.

 

 

Dr John F. Demartini.

 

The Great Discovery

In my search for the principles

underlying human existence and

consciousness, I came upon what I

call The Great Discovery™: At any

moment of your life, you will never

be put down without being lifted up,

nor lifted up without being put

down. Positive and negative, good

and bad, support and challenge,

peace and war – all come together in

pairs. They are simultaneous and

perfectly balanced, and that is what

makes up the divine order.

At first that may seems somewhat

less than startling. But when it sinks

in, you’ll realise that it’s truly an

amazing understanding. If you ever

see one side without the other,

you’re living in an illusion. Stop

right now and think about your life.

Find a moment where you were

criticised, out down or humiliated.

Isolate the exact moment in space

and time and the exact individual or

g roup. Once you pinpoint this

moment of humiliation, look again,

and you’ll find that at exactly the

same time you were being put

down, either you or somebody else

was lifting you up and praising you.

In addition, any time you were put

up on a pedestal, that was the very

moment somebody brought you

down and put you in the pit.

Wisdom is the acknowledgement

that both sides occur equally and

simultaneously.

 

Power

You have the power to create what

you imagine, in direct proportion to

how much love and gratitude you

have in life, because your self-worth

allows you to magnetise and attract

those things into your life and make

your visions real. When you know

that you are loved no matter what,

you have great power.

 

Challenging people

We often don’t realise that it’s the

challenging people in our lives,

working hand in hand with the

supportive ones, who help us get

where we’re going in life. We need

that balance of support and

challenge, of positive and negative

feedback, to grow and evolve. We

have a lower, mortal nature that

wants to have it all nice, sweet,

supportive and pleasurable, but in

reality, we attract the other side to

keep us balanced and on track. We’re

in the illusion that we want onesidedness,

but in our search for the

monopole (a single positive or

negative electrical charge), we find

the balance of duality. The degree to

which we appreciate both sides and

embrace life is the degree to which

we become enlightened.

 

 

Negativity

We’re all negative at times,

we’re all both kind and unkind,

with both a pleasant and an

unpleasant side. I used to try to

avoid half of it, but now I

realise I don’t need to do that. I

want to love it so I know when

to use it. You’re given all your

balanced qualities for a reason

– to help you manifest your

destiny – but anything you

have a negative charge on

you’ll re p ress, and anything you

embrace you can use to your

advantage as a master

 

The purpose of relationships

Every human being you’ll ever have

a relationship with will at times be

nice and mean, supportive and

challenging, pleasureful and painful,

attractive and repulsive. The

purpose of relationship isn’t

happiness; it’s a combination of

happiness and sadness, which

makes up fulfilment. If we seek

happiness, we’re only looking for

half-fulfilment; and if we seek

sadness, we’re looking for the other

half-fulfilment. When we look for

fulfilment, we appreciate both sides.

Don’t you have times in your

relationship when you’re happy and

times when you’re sad? If you think

something’s wrong with your

relationship because you have

sadness half the time, you’re missing

out on the big picture, because that’s

the way it’s designed. The sadness

just means your buttons are being

pushed and you’re seeing the parts

of yourself that you haven’t loved

yet.

 

 

Love

Most people live in the myth that to

love someone is to never disappoint,

upset or hurt them. Do you know

that the one you love is the one you

initiate the feelings of hurt in half the

time? I’m redefining “love”. Most

people think it’s only the nice side

and hate the mean side, but that’s

not true. When you love someone,

you’re the nicest and the meanest to

them. You support and challenge,

you’re pleasant and unpleasant, you

lift them up and put them down,

you do things for them and ignore

them. Those are the two sides of

love.

The myth

says that you’re

supposed to

show only one

side, but that

c reates tension

in a

r e l a t i o n s h i p

and in your life

because it

re p resses half

of the truth.

When I’m the

toughest on my

wife (and I am

really tough on

her sometimes),

that’s when she

comes to me

and thanks me the most. Sometimes

I’ll play the soft role, and she’ll

accumulate tension; and then when I

play the hard role, she softens. She

knows it, too, and she plays it back

to me. We know the love game.

 

Reflection

Everyone outside of you is a

reflection and a part of you. Love

yourself enough to love them. I’ve

met so many people who put on

facades and masks and try to

convince themselves that they don’t

love the people they love, but I don’t

buy it for a second. I know better.

There is nothing but love, and all

else is an illusion. The power to

transform your life is in your heart.

You only need the courage to open it.

 

Being grateful

A gentleman came in for a

consultation and said in a rushed

and anxious voice, “I’m re a l l y

overweight, and I’ve just got to get

rid of it. If I could just change this

one thing, my life would be so much

better.”

So I asked him, “How is it serving

you?”

At first he refused to believe that it

served him in any way at all, but

eventually he came up with 89

benefits to being overweight. He

received attention when he walked

into a room, women were drawn to

him because they thought he was

vulnerable and safe, and it gave him

an excuse to put off writing the book

on healing that he didn’t feel ready

to write. We came up with blessing

after blessing, and after about two

hours, he discovered how it

unconsciously served

him.

If you can see that

everything in your life

serves you, that no

matter what you’ve

done or not done it’s

moving you forward ,

you suddenly see your

own perfection and

your heart opens – to

yourself.

Forgiveness

Every time we judge

anything and don’t see

its magnificence, we’re

denying God. That’s hard for some

ministers to own because they’re

caught in their own self-imposed

dilemma. They’re trying to say,

“He’s in everything but that. God is

missing there, “ but I say, “Where is

God not?”

The only real meaning of

forgiveness to me is, “Thank you for

giving me this experience,”

whatever it may be. If you can say

that, you’re no longer fearful or a

victim. I call it true transcendent

forgiveness. When most people use

the term, they mean, “I forgive you,

but don’t ever do it again.” And

what that really means is, “I still

have a button on this. I judge you,

and I’m righteous enough to put you

down and humble you over it.”

“There is

nothing but

love, and all

else is an

illusion.”

 

 

A story

 

The Master Dance

 

I once lived in a house overlooking

the beach near Del Mar, California.

One day I walked into a health-food

store for a carrot juice and overheard

a gentleman talking about

philosophy. I couldn’t resist the

opportunity, so I sat down with him

for a discussion.

He told me he was a master of

martial arts, had trained many

Hollywood movie stars, and also

studied philosophy. After our

lengthy discussion, he asked me if I

would be willing to

s h a re more of my

philosophy with him

in exchange for some

martial arts lessons. Of

course I accepted, and

he came over to my

home.

I took him into my

family’s big, glasswalled

room

overlooking the beach

and asked him, “All

right, what do I do?”

He said, “Okay,

here’s the first lesson. I

want you to do

whatever you can to attack me. Try

to kill me.”

I thought, Hmm, the first lesson

and he wants me to kill him. Okaaay.

So I tried to punch him, and

immediately, with just two fingers,

he grabbed my arm and twisted me

off balance, leaned me backwards,

kissed me on the cheek, and put me

back on my feet. With two fingers!

He said, “Try again.”

I thought, All right, I’m going to

try kicking him, but as I kicked, he

stepped aside and used the same

two fingers to lift up my foot, throw

me off balance, and kiss me on the

cheek. The next time, I tried a

spinning kick, but he just guided my

leg on past and kissed me on the

cheek again. No matter what I did, I

couldn’t touch him, and eventually I

started to laugh.

I stood back, sweating and out of

breath, and asked him, “Okay,

what’s the lesson here?”

No such thing as attacks

He said, “Here is your first lesson.

To a master, there is no such thing as

attacks, only invitations to dance.

But to a neophyte, because they’re

u n s u re, they always perc e i v e

themselves to be the victim of

attacks.

Anything they’re not prepared for

will be interpreted as a danger, and it

will run their lives. But anything that

they can see as having a perfect

balance of yin and yang, they will

not react to. Masters act wisely upon

such things, and they make them

invitations to

dance.”

T h i s

g e n t l e m a n

didn’t feel

t h reatened by

anything I could

do because he

had already

p r e p a r e d

himself for

e v e r y

possibility. He

stayed poised

and present no

matter what I

did, and turned

my attempts at deadly combat into a

graceful dance. He was educational

as well as entertaining to watch.

If we can understand and

embrace everything that come our

way in the same spirit as this

gentleman, knowing that it is not an

attack, but an opportunity to refine

and expand ourselves, we can turn

our lives into the same masterful

dance. For most of us, conflict is less

physical and more verbal and

mental, but the same principle

applies.

You’re not present when you

become distracted by the emotions

of praise and reprimand, are you?

When somebody lifts you up or puts

you down, if you buy into their onesided

illusion, they can run your life.

The second you allow yourself to

get elated or depressed about other

people’s perceptions of you, or even

your own illusory perceptions of

yourself, you become

disempowered. You cannot express

your genius to its fullest while

you’re caught in that state. But the

second you bring your mind to

balanced awareness, you have the

power of divinity working through

you.

Look for the balance

The next time someone puts you

down, immediately look for the

balancing opposite and say to

yourself, “Ah, thank you! I was just

being cocky and elated about

something, and I was also being

praised and built up, so I see why

I’ve brought you into my life at this

moment.”

If you can be thankful to them for

helping you to remain poised, you’re

on your way to becoming a master. If

every time a crisis struck, you

trained yourself to immediately look

for the blessing and opportunity that

certainly exists, you could dance

with your life.

“If I had only one prayer, it

would be, ‘Thank you.’”

– Meister Eckhart

 

 

 

This might help you let go of bitterness. this might help you forgive yourself and others.

 

If you have gotten this far, i thank you for reading and taking a chance.

 

There is so much love in your heart that you could heal the entire planet. but just for now let us use this love to heal you. feel a warmth beginning to glow in your heart centre. a softness, a gentleness. let this feeling begin to change the way you think and talk about yourself.

 

Goodluck on your journey.

I would be delighted to hear how you go.

 

Love and peace

 

Jmina.

[serendip]

Interesting post

[SYRACUSE03]

Something to think about.

[carrotgirl]

Thank you Jminaaaaa!

 

My heart is full. My stomach is full. My head is full.... of so many good things.

 

What a blessing you are! Thank you.

 

 

Carrot

[Jmina]

=) carrot!

 

 

It is lovely to hear you have found that your heart stomach and head are all full of good things! don't forget your spirit too!

 

 

 

 

A few could try this out for healing rather than looking to "move on" find your own good, find nature, create good, create nature!

 

Jmina

[carrotgirl]

It is lovely to hear you have found that your heart stomach and head are all full of good things! don't forget your spirit too!

I knew you'd pick you'd pick up on this. Just knew.... I think my soul is still not full so I didn't embroider. It will come. Someday.

 

I really needed this reminder and I needed it right then!

[Jmina]

your right carrot in noticing i would notice!!! :)

 

 

 

if we have genuine thoughts of compassion and happiness for others then the universe rewards us with the same in kind. its about that simple. so while our soul is hard at work creating or buring off karma through our thoughts and actions we might be coasting through life blissfully unaware of the cosmic energy we are creating! but i any event the relationship (and the breakup) has served our soul in some way.

 

why someone is with you or not is one of the great unknowns. love is the magical force in the realitiy we experience while we're alive. flowing with its ebb is the thing to learn.

 

Its mind over matter while your soul rolls on. The soul waits for that which is instructive in order to grow.

 

the key is allowing somone else to be and do exactly what they need to.

 

no matter what we think even if we are right, everyone has to be allowed to make their own mistakes, decisions and moves, and often this wont gel with others who are caught up in them. it may be a huge call to let go but its the only way.

 

where your mind is at is where your soul is at! which is why many practice meditation contemplating the nature of their own mind. they know its the key to their souls elevation. the less chaos in there the clearer the thoguhts that go out. clear thinking sends a direct unfettere beam out to the universe which only serves to enhance the direct unfettered response!

 

no action no matter how small goes unnoticed or unrecorded by the universe!

 

Being attatched is what messes us up. the only outcome the universe cares about is our spiritual growth so it is uninterested in whether you wanted to stay in a aparticular situation or not. it only cares about our souls lessons and will let us hav what we want if it is truly what we need. by letting go we never know, we may get th outcome we wanted anway!

 

you can always change your mind, you can face and eliminate fears, whatever you expect to happen is what will happen.

 

your thoughts are energy:mental = actual. taking charge is critical when your in a spiritual recovery!

 

to be emerged brilliantly from the ashes of what looked like a disaster and in your magnificence you see only possibility. you are pure potential. dont be afraid go forth and be compelling- the whole world is waiting for you...phoenix rising

 

 

 

JMINA

[Rayofsunshine]

if we have genuine thoughts of compassion and happiness for others then the universe rewards us with the same in kind. its about that simple. so while our soul is hard at work creating or buring off karma through our thoughts and actions we might be coasting through life blissfully unaware of the cosmic energy we are creating! but i any event the relationship (and the breakup) has served our soul in some way.

 

Jmina,

 

Your words are of great comfort and speak so true!

 

Thanks,

Rayofsunshine