Have to see him everyday...how do I deal with that???

[waterlilyl]

Hi, it's been three months since he broke up with me. We had dated for a year and a half. It really devastated me. I feel like he liked me more than I liked him in the beginning because the relationship I had before him ended badly and I was a little scared of being hurt again. So I was very careful about letting myself get hurt again. We're graduate students together and share the same office space so I spend time with him everyday both at work and outside of work. He told me that I was the one for him and that he felt like he was destined to be in the program not to study but to meet me. He said he felt that we were going to be together forever and that he thought he was so lucky to be with me. Slowly, I started to fall for him and really trust him. Just when I felt like I truly love him, he decided that he doesn't really love me and ended it and asked if we can stay friends.

 

I was so devastated. Initially I told him that we can be friends, but seeing him everyday laughing and joking around with people really hurt and I told him that I couldn't be friends with him right away. We stopped being friends for about two months. He never called or emailed to see if I was okay. During this time, I wrote him several emails and tried to talk to him several times to express my feelings for him because I thought it was my fault for being cautious in the beginning and making him feel unappreciated. I tried to discuss my mistakes and how to improve our relationship if he's willing to try again. But he kept telling me he's absolutely sure that he doesn't want a relationship. He tells me that he still has romantic feelings for me and that I was the only one to have ever made that close of a connection with him. He says that he believes that I really do love him. So why doesn't he want to try again? How could his feelings change so fast?

 

I still think about him everyday and for a period of time was dreaming about him every night because I can't sleep well. I can't stand being in the office and him passing me without even a hello. But after realizing and telling myself over and over that he doesn't have feelings for me anymore, I feel like I've finally started to move on and sleep better and do work. So I told him that we can be friends again. Part of me hopes that if we can both reconnect, we can start again. Or else, at least keep him as a friend since it's very lonely where I live.

 

Since we started being friends, he's been coming to chat with me and sometimes still does what he used to do as a bf, like bringing me tea or food, etc. But then other times, he's just as curt and cold as always. His hot and cold is confusing me and giving me hope but leaving me shivering. I don't know how to deal with the situation because I have to see him everyday. I don't know if I can stand seeing him joke around in the office and I'm not a part of that. I'm trying very hard to make new friends and have new experiences like dancing salsa, taking gym classes, going to school outings, but nothing is working and I feel very isolated. I think he does too.

 

Please give me some advice on how to deal with the situation or what he might be thinking. I promised him that I won't bother him over the relationship stuff anymore because he got very frustrated last time, but should I try to talk to him about it again? Should I ask him what he's feeling and thinking? What could I do to move on easier? I only have one friend to talk to about this and I've already bothered her way too much and I have no one to talk to. Thanks!!

[Scorpio13c]

Hi Waterlily

Is there any chance of getting a transfer from your office to another? How about finding another job?

The only way you'll get any better, is by not seeing him anymore.

I think that he is just young & got scared when you started warming up to him in your relationship. He's not ready to commit to you, or anyone for that matter right now.

Don't be his friend anynore & if you absolutely have to see him all the time, just stay professional about it.

I'd have gotten out of that office one way or the other, the days shortly after he broke up with you, if i were you.

You can't be around him if you want him to realize he made a mistake & misses you. Do you know what i mean?

Be good to yourself.

Scorp

[shute]

don't know if this is anything like my situation but i like someone who works with me that i know doesn't like me back. we used to have the funnest times together at work and now it's very trying just to zone her out. like you when i see this other person laughing and talking to other people it makes it even worse. in terms of your X doing those little things for you i do the same as well and since i'm a manager where i work i have to power to do certain things. i alway make sure she has the "good" shifts so that she can get rides home with other people instead of taking the bus, tell other managers about how great her work is so that she'll get promoted faster and ect. i know none of this will make any kind of difference but to me at least it makes me feel a little better knowing that i'm helping her even when she doesn't know it. maybe your X like me is trying to move on even though we still care.