Kamille Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Yup, I finally did it. After months of hoping he'd come back, craving contact and needing closure, I've finally NCed Mr.Wonderful who left me to go back to his ex. It was pretty easy since all I really had to do was block him on messenger. But wow is it ever hard. It's been 5 days and I actually feel antsy - like someone quitting smoking. I was addicted to the possibility of contact. I'm thinking in time it will eventually help me forget about him, but since 'the block', weird coincidences keep happening to remind me of him. 1) I ran into his sister at the cafe last Friday, 2) Colleagues launched into a tirade about what a great guy he is (i had nothing to do with said conversation) 3) 'Our' song, from a somewhat obscure african band played on the radio yesterday 4) This morning I managed to grab the last parking spot at the office, only to spend 1 minute starring at the specialised license plate of the car (not his) parked in front of me. JKT, his initials. I felt jinxed. There's actually even more. Friends suddenly started asking me about him (?!!) and I unwittingly bought a ticket for a show starring his sister (I didn't know she played in it). The good news is - I stopped in at the café and ran into a guy I find more and more interesting. But will the coincidences please stop? What the hell is going on? It's taking all my will power not to unblock him... A part of me is starting to think the coincidences are perhaps signs or something. Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Oh I hate those coinky-dinks!!! It's just amazing... things you never see or think about seem to be everywhere, just testing our patience. 5 days, you are doing good and yea to find someone to at least occupy your mind if for nothing else. I am getting those little reminders too, so annoying. But going on 3 weeks of no contact... Link to post Share on other sites
justagirlforever Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Well done That messenger thing is so hard to break! I used to have my ex on MSN all the time and could chat whenever. "Luckily" he changed jobs just before we broke up (where he's not allowed access to chat), so I had some time to get used to the no MSN constant chat thing. But have you also deleted him (and not just blocked)? - or does your heart leap every time you see him come on and sad when you see he's not online? Stay strong Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted February 12, 2007 Author Share Posted February 12, 2007 Way to go Guin! I just don't understand the coincidences. We've been broken up six months and if I wanted a reminder of him I basically had to provoke it. I go NC for five days and everyday something reminds me of him in a big way. And it's not like I'm making it up you know? I never run into his sister, colleagues never speak of him, friends had long stopped asking about him, I had never heard (nor did I ever expect to hear) that song on the radio... That license plate this morning really took the cake. I wonder who's car it is and why those initials specifically. And what made it so that in a parking lot of 300 cars, I land behind that one specifically. It is unerving. I feel like the universe is trying to tell me not to go NC. Or maybe it's telling me I'm doing the right thing and that in good time it will all make sense? Who knows. The Universe is such an intriguing place. It does feel like a lot of coincidence in a short span of time though. That's why I'm having an alchemist moment wondering if it means anything. And it's funny - I sometimes catch myself wondering why he hasn't logged on in 5 days - forgetting I blocked him. 3 weeks NC! does it get easier? I mean I'm not sad or anything. I just get contact cravings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted February 12, 2007 Author Share Posted February 12, 2007 Well done That messenger thing is so hard to break! I used to have my ex on MSN all the time and could chat whenever. "Luckily" he changed jobs just before we broke up (where he's not allowed access to chat), so I had some time to get used to the no MSN constant chat thing. But have you also deleted him (and not just blocked)? - or does your heart leap every time you see him come on and sad when you see he's not online? Stay strong Ah! I didn't even realize that he could still appear if only blocked. Good pointer... But will he find out if I delete him? (does anyone know?) I don't really understand that whole thing... Blocking means they can't see I'm online is that it? I shouldn't care whether or not he finds out I deleted it him - but as you might have guessed we live in a small community and I would like to at least keep the idea of a 'civil' friendship alive as I do what I have to do to forget about him. I would rather he not know about it. Link to post Share on other sites
justagirlforever Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Yep - by blocking him, he can't see that you're online. If you want to delete him too (so not even see when/if he's online), right click on his name and delete from there (if you're talking about MSN messenger - though most others are probably similar too). Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Coincidences? I think not. Don't fight it. You were meant to be together. Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Way to go Guin! 3 weeks NC! does it get easier? I mean I'm not sad or anything. I just get contact cravings. Not yet... 3 weeks is the no contact and breakup time... although don't be all that proud, he's the one that stopped contacting me. (well I haven't contacted to ask why, though... so ya maybe, yea me?) But this weekend I did locate his myspace page and now see why he disappeared... another woman... grrr But I'm making plans with friends and getting back out and about slowly... so maybe I'm getting there. But yea, I see the little signs everywhere too... it's so annoying, I don't need reminders, I need forgetters Link to post Share on other sites
justagirlforever Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Coincidences? I think not. Don't fight it. You were meant to be together. No not after all he's put her through! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted February 12, 2007 Author Share Posted February 12, 2007 Coincidences? I think not. Don't fight it. You were meant to be together. Don't worry folks... This is meant to be sarcastic, I'm sure. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Don't worry folks... This is meant to be sarcastic, I'm sure. Oh no. I scared everybody away. I'm sad, now. And I'm sorry I suck at being supportive. Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Not yet... 3 weeks is the no contact and breakup time... although don't be all that proud, he's the one that stopped contacting me. (well I haven't contacted to ask why, though... so ya maybe, yea me?) But this weekend I did locate his myspace page and now see why he disappeared... another woman... grrr But I'm making plans with friends and getting back out and about slowly... so maybe I'm getting there. But yea, I see the little signs everywhere too... it's so annoying, I don't need reminders, I need forgetters Yeah, I'm in the 4th week of NC/LC and everytime I see a puddle of oil on the street or smell deisel fuel it bums me out (he works on old Mercedes Benzs) so I'm right there with ya, sisters.... See, Magichands did not scare me away.... Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Yeah, I'm in the 4th week of NC/LC and everytime I see a puddle of oil on the street or smell deisel fuel it bums me out (he works on old Mercedes Benzs) so I'm right there with ya, sisters.... See, Magichands did not scare me away.... LOL... yea, I have that mechanic thing too... although mine was airplanes... and gee whiz, I work right next to the airport... Congrats Polywog... keep it up Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 LOL... yea, I have that mechanic thing too... although mine was airplanes... and gee whiz, I work right next to the airport... Congrats Polywog... keep it up You too, guin_girl, . May we both end up with nice men with toolbelts when we're over all this! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted February 12, 2007 Author Share Posted February 12, 2007 Yeah, I'm in the 4th week of NC/LC and everytime I see a puddle of oil on the street or smell deisel fuel it bums me out (he works on old Mercedes Benzs) so I'm right there with ya, sisters.... See, Magichands did not scare me away.... LOL! My guy was a musician so everytime I hear a beat it bums me out... Ok, no i got over that one really quick. Although everytime I hear a song I think he'd appreciate I do think of him. Then when i hear 'our song', it feels like the universe conspiring against my NC. Not yet... 3 weeks is the no contact and breakup time... although don't be all that proud, he's the one that stopped contacting me. (well I haven't contacted to ask why, though... so ya maybe, yea me?) But this weekend I did locate his myspace page and now see why he disappeared... another woman... grrr Hey guin! I think you're doing good. I just read your thread Can't get him out of my head and there are a lot of things in there I can relate with. I too find it hard to find someone I feel really connected with and I will often let the connection trump all the other red flags (heavy drinker, heavy smoker, not-over-his-ex). And like you I think that the common denominator in all my relationship is me... Therefore I need to change something and I think for me it'll be that I have to be more selective and hold off longer before I let myself fall for someone. I'm still debating about deleting him. A friend I consulted is as hesitant as me. It's a bit about 'saving face' in a way but I do think I need to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Boy do I understand that. I see his car everywhere now. Our song is always on the radio. I think we're just noticing it more. Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Boy do I understand that. I see his car everywhere now. Our song is always on the radio. I think we're just noticing it more. yea, we may not have been as in tune with it as we are now... who knew they made so many models of the same car, hats, shirts, etc... All reports I hear are his teams, his hometown, ugh Hey guin! I think you're doing good. I just read your thread Can't get him out of my head and there are a lot of things in there I can relate with. Thanks... I'm struggling but I have a lot of support right now which is good. But the internet makes it way too easy to break that NC goal... not so much talking to them, but seeing them online, going to webpages and the like. You too, guin_girl, . May we both end up with nice men with toolbelts when we're over all this! from your fingertips to God's ears Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 And get this : I always always listen to the same radio station in my car but yesterday I changed it for whatever reason. I think I was annoyed with one of the radio hosts. Anyways: today, decide midaftenoon to go get coffee in town (I'm a big cafeine addict as you can tell), turn on radio to brand new station to fall on a commentary about one of the art project he is involved in!!! Come on folks! What the hell is that???? This is ridiculous... Like I am trying to be 'rational' and tell myself that I am only interpreting these coincidences - that I'm the one making the connections and giving them meaning, but I fall on a commentary about his projects completely randomly? What are the odds that I would be in my car, on that radio station, exactly when there was some commentary on some obscure music project of his? AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! What is that? Somebody please help me make sense of it! Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 And get this : I always always listen to the same radio station in my car but yesterday I changed it for whatever reason. I think I was annoyed with one of the radio hosts. Anyways: today, decide midaftenoon to go get coffee in town (I'm a big cafeine addict as you can tell), turn on radio to brand new station to fall on a commentary about one of the art project he is involved in!!! Come on folks! What the hell is that???? This is ridiculous... Like I am trying to be 'rational' and tell myself that I am only interpreting these coincidences - that I'm the one making the connections and giving them meaning, but I fall on a commentary about his projects completely randomly? What are the odds that I would be in my car, on that radio station, exactly when there was some commentary on some obscure music project of his? AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! What is that? Somebody please help me make sense of it! ok you win... that IS just insane.... Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I read once that after a breakup our senses are on high alert for our exes. In other words, when we don't care about them any longer, these little "signs" don't even register with us, but since our subconscious mind (especially) is still spinning its wheels over them, our senses are quick to pick out the reminders from all the noise of everyday life. One day, you will be driving down the street and will pass him by without even noticing him -- unless he cuts you off in traffic! :-) Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Ah! I didn't even realize that he could still appear if only blocked. Good pointer... But will he find out if I delete him? (does anyone know?) I don't really understand that whole thing... Blocking means they can't see I'm online is that it? I shouldn't care whether or not he finds out I deleted it him - but as you might have guessed we live in a small community and I would like to at least keep the idea of a 'civil' friendship alive as I do what I have to do to forget about him. I would rather he not know about it. Hi K, He can find out if you've blocked him if he's adept with a computer. He can tell if you've deleted him by logging into his privacy options and seeing who has him listed on their "allow" lists. The day after my ex and I had a huge blow out before breaking up- I noticed my ex didn't have me on his allow list anymore- which meant he had deleted and blocked me. The universe may just be playing tricks on you. You're probably just noticing things you normally wouldn't pay attention to because you're subconsciously looking for those things. Okay- the song is freaky. I remember dreading that I had gotten pregnant with my ex when our condom broke... and everywhere i went there were pregnant women, babies, songs on the radio with the word "baby" seemingly everywhere. It turns out I wasn't... and I realized that I was just sensitive to those particular cues and surroundings because I was sensitive to that situation. That seems to happen a lot. The mind plays tricks when your heart is vulnerable. Stupid mind tricks... ;-) D Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 Thanks guys I feel a bit validated. It is freakishly odd isn't it? But I've actually come to the conclusion that all the universe is really trying to tell me is that it will all work out for the best in the end and all I need to do is take care of myself. Sort of a don't worry be happy - things happen for a reason. I'm thinking the coincidences are actually just trying to tell me to let go: if he and I are meant to live something else together, life the universe and everything else that organizes freakish coincidences will make sure it happens. It obviously has that power. Now, time to celebrate one week of NC! Woohoo! And thanks D! That settles that. I won't block him but I will spend less time on msn at times when I know he's there. And what about you D? What's new in your life? Happy Valentine's day you all! Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Now, time to celebrate one week of NC! Woohoo! Whoo hoo is right, congrats!! Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 I won't block him but I will spend less time on msn at times when I know he's there. I won't be congratulating you on this. The whole idea is not to let him influence any of your living patterns (let alone thought patterns). Avoiding living by your own rules will only make you obsess over him more. I'm just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 I won't be congratulating you on this. The whole idea is not to let him influence any of your living patterns (let alone thought patterns). Avoiding living by your own rules will only make you obsess over him more. I'm just saying. There is nothing wrong with baby steps... NC for a week is a HUGE step... Link to post Share on other sites
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