Reaching out!

[Guest]

Hi,

 

I don't know where to begin this. I found out my wife had been having

an affair for I don't know how long, but I think for at least a couple

of weeks. We have been married for 8 years and have a daughter who is

6 and a son who is 9 months. She states that she wants to leave and

has gone as far as putting down a deposit on an apartment.

We are both recovering addicts/alcoholics. Through the years there

have been times where she has started to "seek out" or find something

with greener pastures and I have a 6th sense that has always caught her

in this process. Through talking we would start to work things out and

find out that she wasn't taking her antidepressents and this might be

part of the problem.

This time she states "I don't want to be in this marriage and I don't

think that I've ever wanted to be in this marriage. I got married for

all the wrong reasons and I do love you and care for you as a friend

but not in the husband and wife sort of way. I should've gotten out at

three months, not eight years." We did get married right after we both

got clean and we actually met in a treatment center.

I have told her to go if she wants and the only decision that I can

make right now is that I want to keep this house. She states that I am

just trying to keep her here like in the past and not let her go. I

feel that if she needs to go she will find a way even though she can't

afford it.

I spoke to a counselor last night and he is very concerned for her

mental well being and so am I. He stated to me that her actions

resemble someone in a constant manic state. With the combination of

Zoloft and her having bipolar disorder (if she does) it would explain a

lot. I tried to explain this to her, but she just thinks the counselor

and I are teaming up against her. I can understand that.

I don't know if we will ever had what I thought we had at one time

again. She says she ended the affair because she needed to start being

honest with herself. And she wants out so she can continue to be

honest with herself and not hold on to something she doesn't feel. I

just want the best for her mentally.

I don't know where this will go. She has agreed to go to a counselor

with me one time and only one time. And I am taking her there to talk

about the possiblity of bipolar disorder. He wants her to see a

psychiatrist and evlauate her meds.

I'm at a loss right now. I have a very strong support group of people

who really care about me and I'm going to my recovery meetings. I'm

constantly talking about this. I just am not sure how to handle

everything and need more opinions. I feel that if she wants out this

badly then things will never work out for us. Even being friends which

is what she wants.

 

Thanks and sorry for being long winded.

TR