Tsiehta Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Hi. My gf of 1 year broke up with me on 5/31. I am devastated! It has been a horrible 4 weeks. Her reason was that she had recently developed feeling for a guy who she has been training with for triathlons. She said that she has changed somehow and that while she thought she loved me, she can't understand having feelings for someone else. Note, I do not do triathlons, so she has been spending increasingly long hours with the cycling team and him. I'm not a jealous bf and she has lots of guy friends. I figured there wasn't a problem, I trusted her. BTW, there is a 14 year age difference, me being older. I immediately began going back in time, trying to figure out when she might have started feeling this way and if it invalidated things we were doing together at the time. She said that it all came about over the course of the 2 weeks before she told me, which I find hard to believe. We had gone ring shopping. We talked about moving in together, getting married. she told my family at every chance how great we were and that we would be getting married. I just couldn't accept that she would change her mind so quickly. Oh, we work together too, which is making it doubly hard. We work on different floors of the office, but I see her car everyday, and today I ran into her in the parking lot. Tried NC for the past 2 weeks, ended up breaking down twice to ask her if she was sure (I know, I know, if she wanted to talk to me she would be contacting me). So, anyway, we see each other for the first time in a week today. She says she misses me and thinks about me. I ask if she's sure about this. she says she thinks it's for the best. So, I ask her one last question "Did you didcuss breaking up with me with "him" before you talked to me about it?" Her answer, "yes" OMG!!! My world both crumbled and crystalized at the same time. I had no idea the depth of her betrayal. She planned/schemed behind my back with him about it. At the same time, hearing this answer finally showed me just how badly things have become and that there's no way I want a woman in my life who would do that to me. Time to go talk to my therapist :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 So sorry you are going through this. It sounds so similar to my situation. We were together for 11 years and he left me 6 weeks ago for another woman. We also work in the same place and I see his car from my office window everyday. I have changed my hours of work so that I get there well before him and leave before he does. This helps minimize the possibilty of running into him at work. Unfortunately, I have run into him at places I would never have expected to see him - this weekend at the hospital emergency room, and he was with his new gf. He did try to approach me, but I asked him to get away from me. I feel that if he has left me for another, that he does not deserve to be in my life. Keep up the no contact as it will help in time. If she really wanted to contact you, she would. You will only end up getting hurt by contacting her. Link to post Share on other sites
BrandonBP Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 So, I ask her one last question "Did you didcuss breaking up with me with "him" before you talked to me about it?" Her answer, "yes" OMG!!! My world both crumbled and crystalized at the same time. I had no idea the depth of her betrayal. She planned/schemed behind my back with him about it. Oh crap man. That's horrible. I know that you're hurt by her going out with someone else, but I think it makes it even worse that she planned the whole thing with him beforehand. Link to post Share on other sites
Nedved28 Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Sounds like she was full of empty promises. The sense of betrayal must be overwhelming!! I feel for you man!! that can't be easy. She's revealed herself to you and now you see her in a different light. I really hope u can get through this!! keep posting here and reading the forums!! it can be great just to take your mind off her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tsiehta Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 I just feel so alone now. All of my friends are married, and I only have a small group of them anyway. I come home to an empty house, the phone doesn't ring. I made her my life. I thought she was the one. I know it's over, and I know even if she did try to come back, I could not trust her again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tsiehta Posted June 30, 2006 Author Share Posted June 30, 2006 Wow. Ok, so you all know I work with her. On my way to work today, we come to the same intersection. Only, she's coming from the direction that is the complete opposite of her home. She's coming from the direction that I know "the other guy" at least works, and probably lives. We pull into the parking lot. she gets out, and walks into the building. I follow, and go to my floor (different than hers). So, I'm hurting and kind of laughing at the same time. I'm just going to assume that she was at his place last night, and that this is just further evidence that not only are we done, but that overall, the way she said she felt about me just wasn't the case. She never would have been able to move on this quickly if she had. Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 Same thing happened to me.... My gf and I talked about marriage even a WEEK before we broke up. We broke up on a Monday (6/19), yet the Saturday before she introduced me to one of her lifelong friends, and even made me PROMISE I'd go to a party with her in August (because it's a family thing and she was afraid of running into certain relatives and wanted me there for support...) Yet, that Monday, she dumped me for someone she met online (we met online, too), that she had been speaking to for about 2 weeks...... It's been less than 2 weeks since the breakup, and I'm still devastated. I really, and truly am an f'ing wreck over this, but the people here (and my therapist) have kept me at least someone sane. Tshieta, everyone on this site is great....so keep posting here... we are all in this together, for better or worse...... -tp Link to post Share on other sites
Lovegod Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 I made her my life. That's all I needed to know... Women are NOT your lifeline, they're not your source of happiness. These are things that you should be providing for YOURSELF. You should be creating your own happiness with your life goals, your passions, and your hobbies. Women should ADD happiness to your life, nothing more. You must be happy before you find a woman, not because of a woman. You've taken an entire month to mourn your loss. That's more than enough time to mourn someone who isn't dead. It's time to move on. Preoccupy your time with the hobbies you've abandoned, the bars you quit going to, and all the things you quit doing when you began dating her. Your hobbies and passions will never leave you, so why should you abandon them? Start dating women even if you're not ready to move on "emotionally". Try dating women purely to have fun. The more women you date, the more time you invest in your passions, the more time you quit thinking of her, the quicker you'll get over her. Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 So, anyway, we see each other for the first time in a week today. She says she misses me and thinks about me. You should've replied, "my date told me the same thing this morning!" I ask if she's sure about this. So, I ask her one last question "Did you didcuss breaking up with me with "him" before you talked to me about it?" My friend, when you bump into an ex, you've got to bring your A-game. Keeping in mind that she has lost interest in you forever, you have to be cocky, confident, and funny. You're groveling big time. It's OVER. Link to post Share on other sites
Diver012 Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 Same exact situation here my friend. My Ex that told me she loved me, told me she wanted to spend many years together.. blah blah blah... I wont get into details.... basically a CP big time.... Dumped me in a similar fashion. Only difference is that I didnt even get the dignity of a reason. All I got was... I want to tell you but I dont want to hurt you. Geeze, thanks for completely disrespecting me. As far as teh work thing goes, yeah its tough. I saw her today becasue I was in her area working on some stuff. I didnt expect to see her cause I thought she was gone for the day. I turn around and shes staring right at me. I just turned around and went about my business. I feel much like you. I dont want to see her. I dont want to contact her at all. I asked for closure and got the door slammed in my face. Thanks. What Im saying through all of this is... She Aint Worth it brother! Its been 2 months for me and I still feel the pain. I am growing through this. I am a better man for having gone through this. You will be too. its hard for you to see right now, but hang on. Deal with all the emotions and pain. GO Out.. Call an old friend you havent seen in a while. Buy yourself a killer outfit and freak everyone the hell out. I did that on Monday.. it was f***ing aweome. I got so many complements. My Ex even saw it an it unerved her.. serves her right.. shell never EVER get the goods on me again. Do something to feel good about yourself.. Its all about you now!! f*** Her and the horse she road in on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tsiehta Posted July 5, 2006 Author Share Posted July 5, 2006 Well, I've made it through 9 days of absolute NC. Before that, it was once-a-week contact for the three weeks after the break up. I still hurt, a lot! But, I'm seeing light. I can envision life without her now. And, to be honest, the prospect of dating others at some point seems tempting. My big problem is that I still want/need answers. A better explanation. I have SO many questions. But I know that I've gotten all I'm going to get from her. Diver, you're right, she disrespected me. Link to post Share on other sites
Thursday_le Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Same thing happened to me.... My gf and I talked about marriage even a WEEK before we broke up. We broke up on a Monday (6/19), yet the Saturday before she introduced me to one of her lifelong friends, and even made me PROMISE I'd go to a party with her in August (because it's a family thing and she was afraid of running into certain relatives and wanted me there for support...) Yet, that Monday, she dumped me for someone she met online (we met online, too), that she had been speaking to for about 2 weeks...... It's been less than 2 weeks since the breakup, and I'm still devastated. I really, and truly am an f'ing wreck over this, but the people here (and my therapist) have kept me at least someone sane. Tshieta, everyone on this site is great....so keep posting here... we are all in this together, for better or worse...... -tp OMG...same thing happend to me on the same day. minus thhe party thing. And i dont know if she met anyone. But we did meet online. Hang in there man. Read my thread if you want.http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t92332/ Good luck...were in this together man. Link to post Share on other sites
rugbyrob1990 Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Hey buddy keep your head up! I know you said you dated for a year and your 14 y older so how old is she? I'm on 13 days of nc and she gave me some good reasons but I tried to convince her that I had overcome those concernes and became willing to show her more attention. Mind you we broke up on 5-27, so I started puting flowers by her door so she would have them everytime she came home, cards every 3rd day... She said each time by email thanking me and saying she was flatered. than 2 weeks ago everything ended, I discovered she "talking" to a guy at work and I blew a gasket! she fired off an email saying she didn't want to talk to me anymore and to leave her alone... And now were here.. Piss on her LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tsiehta Posted July 6, 2006 Author Share Posted July 6, 2006 Hey buddy keep your head up! I know you said you dated for a year and your 14 y older so how old is she? She's 24. We talked about the age difference all the time. She convinced me she was fine with it, but I guess she didn't convince herself. She's showing herself to be more immature than I thought. Link to post Share on other sites
rugbyrob1990 Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 She's going to go through atleast 3 more phazes before shes ready to settle down.. No matter how mature she is for her age... So this new meathead won't last long either... Welcome the the "he man woman haters club". LoL Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tsiehta Posted July 6, 2006 Author Share Posted July 6, 2006 You're probably right. My mistake was in believing her when she said she was ready. Link to post Share on other sites
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