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I'm 21 and and my boyfriend(he's 24) and I have been together for about 4 and half years now, since highschool. I'm about to graduate college now and he hasn't even started and not sure if he's going to. I want to know that i'm going to have a stable life and I'm not sure, if I will with someone who didn't attend college. I do love him with all my heart and if money didn't play a role in society, I would marry him in a min.. I just want to be able to buy a house, have kids and be okay. I don't want to struggle in life, i want to be okay that's why I attended college. My boyfriend is really hard working and motivated, but i'm not sure that is good enough. I've been thinking about end our relationship over this, is this some to end a great loving relationship over? Please help....

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RealBroken

I did two university degrees.....

 

However,.... all of my friends didnt do anything. They are the ones who now have children and/or houses.

Some of them are making it because they have enough for what they need. Others are doing better than I can ever see myself doing and earning a hell of alot of money because of who they are (no qualifications).

Love is worth a lot more than money. You can have money and be very unhappy. I see it everywhere.

However, you can be anywhere, and if you have real true love.... life is special.

Ask him where he sees his life going. If he has no direction, help him see it and make it. Thats if you really do love him.

 

My mother dumped her long time boyfriend and married my father because my father. My father had qualifications. My parents are doing ok, but the guy she dumped is now worth millions. Ha ha. Life is a funny thing. Im sure mum never regrets her decision. But its an example of what life is about.

 

All that matters is who you love. Thats what I think anyway. Goodluck.

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HokeyReligions

There are no guarantees no matter how many degrees. It's an individuals self-worth and work ethic that gets them ahead - with or without a degree.

 

The earning POTENTIAL for a college graduate is higher than for a high school graduate because there are more opportunities. I made more money before I got my degree than I have since and that's because of the area of work I'm in. My ideal job would pay much less than what I'm even making now - but I would be happier in it, but I chose the closest thing to it so I could support my family.

 

Many people look down on those who have not gone to college and treat them as if they were not as smart as someone with a degree. It has nothing to do with money. Is it the money or is it the degree itself that is bothering you?

 

For some it is a deal-breaker.

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I don't have a university degree, I am doing one by correspondence now, but thats because I started it just after my marriage broke up, to give me a challenge and something new. I've almost finished it now. it actually has little relevance to my work, it's for my own interest.

 

At work I am in the top 10 in terms of salary in my company, including the MD and the senior management. Why? I am an engineer by trade but work in the sales dept. I have proved myself practically over many years, delivered on work and managed people successfully. There are 3 of us in our company doing a similar job, the guy with a degree is paid about $15,000 less than me, he has a BSC HONS that took him 5 years to get, the other guy is as qualified as me...in the UK it's called an HND which would be the qualification below a bachelors, he is paid few 000' less than me. We both have many years of experience in our jobs. The degree'd guy probably won't be in our team for long, he is too much of an academic, doesn't see the practicalities of what we do. Not suited to the potential of the nature of the job.

 

Money is not important particularly, doesn't matter how much you have, you still spend it all. Money doesn't make the man. If you find love, embrace it, keep it, hold it, cherish it...screw how much money you have, think about if you are happy with your man...that is worth far more than a car/house/jacuzzi....etc.

 

If he works hard and is motivated, when you get married, he will work hard and be motivated to provide for you, do his fair share, probably more than his fair share..and he will have you as number 1 in his mind, not where the next deal comes from.

 

Thats my thoughts.

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Curmudgeon
My boyfriend is really hard working and motivated, but i'm not sure that is good enough. I've been thinking about end our relationship over this, is this some to end a great loving relationship over?

 

There are thousands or tens of thousands without degrees who are hard working, motivated and make much more than those who have degrees but lack his other two qualities.

 

Are you sure there isn't a bit of snob value influencing your decision-making process right now? You seem to see him as just not good enough FOR YOU!

 

Perhaps you should end this "great loving relationship" to free him to ultimately find someone who's going to value him for himself and not a couple of letters behind his name. I think he can do better.

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College isn't for everyone. Lots of people drink their way through and never learn a thing, but they have the degree they barely scraped by to get. You say your boyfriend is hard working and motivated - that's worth a LOT more than a degree. If you share the same goals - house and family - and he's a hard worker, then there's no reason to hold his lack of college against him.

 

Step back, though. What makes you think he wants to get married? Have you talked about it? He might not want to marry a woman with a college degree, because he might feel you'd hold it against him, or that you'll make more money than him one day, or that you'll leave him for someone with whom you have more intellectual pursuits.

 

The issue cuts both ways, so don't make assumptions about anything. Talk to him instead.

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All that matters is who you love. Thats what I think anyway. Goodluck.

 

Real Broken said it best. It honestly should not matter about how much money someone makes as long as they are happily in love with each other. But lets look at the horrible real world. More marriages are ending in divorce because of 2 reasons; infidelity and money issues. I am not saying that ALL marriages end becuase of these 2, but alot of them in the world are. If you 2 are happy together, then money shouldn't and shall not be a reason why you should leave him.

 

If you really love this guy, you need to convience him to go to school, or find a decent job, and keep getting on him about it no matter how much he can't stand it.

 

Love is powerful, but it doesn't pay the bills.

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All I can say on this is that Bill Gates dropped out of university. I think he did okay for himself...

 

There are plenty of plumbers, electricians, etc who make as much (or more) than college educated people. Give your guy a chance and choose love over money.

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Guest,

 

I've dated a lot of different men for different stages in my life. I dated wealthy men, well educated men, blue collars, and I once almost dated a mechanic. I used to believe that I had to marry someone who made more money than me to be happy. That's all changed.

 

Whereas I don't think I'll be able to be with someone unintelligent, I don't require a heavy cash flow or multiple degrees. What I do want is happiness. And that comes from compatibility, chemistry, mutual love and respect. Those things you simply cannot buy. And if you find it, don't let it go because you may NEVER GET IT BACK. Young people think that because they found love once it's easy to obtain. The real deal is far from easy and the older you get the fewer opportunities you have.

 

The money will come if you're both motivated. I understand wanting financial security for a family, but it will come. As long as he's not a dead beat. If he is, that's an entirely different story. You're young. Just remember that money will come.

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ronnieromance

The majority of themost "successful" people in my spere have a BA or less. It's ironic that so many Americans define success as going to school, comforming, compromising yourself to fit into a narrowly defined mold of what is acceptable, punch a corporataions timeclock and spit and claw one's way into a corner office.

 

Frankly, anyone can do anything if they have enough ambition. Is he intelligent and ambitious? That's what you should worry about.

 

Not to sound like I'm down on college. I'm not. But it's the accepted route to "success" It's not for everyone. But if it's that important, there are sites like this to facilitate advantageous and symbiotic relationships.

 

-R-

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If he's that hard-working and ambitious, why didn't he go to school? Seems funny to me.

 

There are loads of hard-working and intelligent guys out there (with degrees) that will give you just as good as a relationship as this one has given you. These days, you really do need a degree to get hired. There are stories to the contrary, yes, but in the mainstream, that's how it is. A degree is a key to a nice lifestyle (as long is it a worthwhile degree... getting something in communications or history won't make you much money either).

 

But if having a good lifestyle is important to you, then you need to face that. "Settling" for this guy just because you fear not being able to find another guy to make you happy is foolish. You need to be with someone you can respect, and who shares your values (lifestyle included). How can you be truly happy if you are harboring resentment? There are other fish in the sea, as they say -- and many more suited to you.

 

Personally, I don't care how nice the guy is if he is going to go from one low-paying job to the other and I have to support the family myself. He doesn't need to make as much as I do, but it should be close. And if you say these people who have not gone to college get as much money and work opportunities as someone with a degree, that's simply not true. My dad had twenty years of navy experience and a degree in electrical engineering from Purdue, and he still had trouble getting hired for a while. But when he did, it was for pretty good money. Both my uncle and cousin did not get degrees... they managed to get jobs. One has worked at Kinko's for thirty years and has become manager -- but can't get much higher without a degree (people are just hired right over his head). The other works at a gas station, and has for years. They can work as hard as they want... but why would an employer choose a hard working degreeless guy over someone just as hard working but much more qualified? They wouldn't. And there's no shortage of the latter.

 

It's not shallow or selfish at all to have standards. This guy might have been fun and nice, but you need to be realistic. Why stay with him if you hope to have a certain lifestyle, and there are loads of perfectly eligable guys swarming around the colleges? If you are a great catch, you'll find someone else. Treasure the memories you had with him, but sometimes things don't work out.

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ronnieromance

IDK, why didn't Trump? His development partner in Miami Beach is an immigrant from Israel who did a stint as a bus driver in NYC for years before making the right moves.

 

But you're right. You won't "get" a good job without a BA. But that won't stop someone who wants to start a business or has a good idea for a company.

 

Ambitious to me is seeking to have employees, not be one.

 

 

 

 

 

-R-

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It's not shallow or selfish at all to have standards. This guy might have been fun and nice, but you need to be realistic. Why stay with him if you hope to have a certain lifestyle, and there are loads of perfectly eligable guys swarming around the colleges? If you are a great catch, you'll find someone else. Treasure the memories you had with him, but sometimes things don't work out.

 

Oh boy. Your mother taught you well.

 

I once dated a guy who really liked me a lot but he wanted a girl with money as he did pretty well for himself. At the time I was just out of college and making very little with a lot of student debt. I was ambitious and motivated, but young and with few resources. We parted ways.

 

I now make more money than he does. It doesn't pay to be short sighted. Money isn't everything. If you share similar values and are compatible, you can get further in life with someone than with just money. Sorry, it's just a really naive and old fashioned thought. Not to say that it's a good idea to settle for someone who's a complete loser who likes smoking pot all day and can't hold a job. but there are many shades of gray in between.

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Oh boy. Your mother taught you well.

 

I once dated a guy who really liked me a lot but he wanted a girl with money as he did pretty well for himself. At the time I was just out of college and making very little with a lot of student debt. I was ambitious and motivated, but young and with few resources. We parted ways.

 

I now make more money than he does. It doesn't pay to be short sighted. Money isn't everything. If you share similar values and are compatible, you can get further in life with someone than with just money. Sorry, it's just a really naive and old fashioned thought. Not to say that it's a good idea to settle for someone who's a complete loser who likes smoking pot all day and can't hold a job. but there are many shades of gray in between.

 

I am saying it's better to have a guy with similar values and compatibility AND a really good college degree (something like communications won't be a great help) with a great work ethic than the same without the degree. There are plenty of great guys out there, and the former will simply GO farther, unless he happens to be a lucky and rare exception who starts a great business (most small businesses fail within the first year) or gets lucky somehow. As for if he already HAS money, that doesn't matter. Someone like you, who was hard-working and armed with a degree but poor at the time is a better catch than some soft rich girl who has to inherit everything. That doesn't surprise me at all -- in fact, it agrees completey with what I am saying. Someone young and motivated with a degree is a great catch. But check back in thirty years with someone degree-less. You WILL be making more, in almost every case.

 

Not only are degrees the key anymore, but you are needing more and better degrees. It used to be a bachelor's degree in engineering was acceptable; in ten years a bachelor's will be a "pre-engineering" degree, and a master's considered the real degree. That's a glimpse of the future.

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I am saying it's better to have a guy with similar values and compatibility AND a really good college degree (something like communications won't be a great help) with a great work ethic than the same without the degree.

 

Not necessarily. People in the trades are doing extremely well these days. You don't need a degree from a university; vocational colleges also turn out successful people. As everyone else has said, ambition and energy can take someone very far with or without a degree. And degrees are no guarantee.

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Wow. Are you kidding me? You'd give up a wonderful relationship where you both truly love each other simply because he's not going to go to college? Let me give you some perspective.

 

My situation is a lot like yours. My BF and I have been together since high school as well. I'm 23 and he's 22. We both went off to college, but at the end of his second year, he wasn't doing well and decided he wanted to leave...that school wasn't for him. While I was upset about him not pursuing this goal, I supported him b/c he wasn't happy.

 

He went off to work and now is very successful. At the age of 22, he's happy and has a management role at his job, overseeing 15 other people! He makes WAY MORE MONEY than I do! And he's very happy. And I'm happy for him.

 

You said your BF is motivated and hardworking. Just because he doesn't go to college doesn't mean he won't be successful in life. As long as he has his priorities in order and he loves you, what more could you want? To make a long story short, if it were up to me, I'd ALWAYS choose love over money. Money truly does NOT buy happiness! The rest of that stuff (house, etc.) will come later, as a result of a truly great relationship.

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money! dump the guy and go for the guy driving a mercedes! all the girls are doing it, so jump on the band wagon! Remember, love doesn't feed your tummy and put clothes on your body. It is money that does it and more! money can buy love too. I found that for only 200 bucks, i can have outcall love.

 

haha seriously tho... love is over rated and its better to bring it all out now and admit that money is key in life, not love.

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Let me throw this out there...

 

The divorce rate is soaring.

 

The number one thing couples argue about?

 

Money.

 

Kind of hard to keep that lovey-dovey feeling when squabbling about every penny.

 

Not everyone is meant for college. We need cashiers. We need managers. We need garbage people. But remember, the highest paying jobs REQUIRE DEGREES. They just do. Unless you invent something, or start a successful business, you will be having money challenges for the rest of your life. Not-so-great car, small house, no travel. Sometimes people want more, especially when they have the capacity to get it. I don't think there's any great evil in that.

 

Love fades awfully quickly with resentment.

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