Low sex drive - destroying me

[Nosexforme]

This is a slightly embarrassing question, however I don't really have anyone that I feel comfortable asking for advice. I apologise in advance if this topic insults/upsets anyone.

 

I have been with my b/f for almost four years. We live together in the house we purchased about a year ago. Our relationship is a normal one, we both get along, he is a great guy, he has a good job, looks after me, cares about me, I would never worry about him cheating, not an alcoholic or drug addict, he has a lovely family.......etc. etc.

 

The problems, he is somewhat anti-social and does not like my friends, he gets depressed sometimes, we are actually going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment.

 

One problem I have is that I am just not interested in having sex. By the time I get to sleep at night, that is all I want to do, just sleep.

I has gotten to the point where I actually dread having to go to sleep when he is still awake as I know he will ask.

 

I do give in occassionally, and it is not much fun for me. The problem is that he ALWAYS asks. He is always coming up to me at home and leaning against me and indicating that he wants it (we live alone, no kids). I have to say no at least a few times a week. He will then either a) sulk b) get angry and roll the other way c) tell me that I obviously do not love him/find him sexually attractive (not the case originally, but am starting to think this way).

 

I hate it. He asks for blow jobs all the time, and I hate them so much. I have even given them at times and I have been crying while doing it, I hated it so much.

 

I have tried explaining that my low sex drive has nothing to do with my love/physical attraction to him. It has more to do with the fact that I am constantly exhausted. I work long hours and by the time I get home, cook dinner, clean and do everything else, I am just too tired.

 

I even suggested that if he might help around the house I might feel more like it.

 

The worst is the guilt I feel and the pressure I am under to 'preform'. He was a virgin before we dated, I am thinking maybe not been in a relationship before has something to do with this.

 

Does any other women/man feel under this pressure?? Is this a reason to leave a good relationship?? Am I just being stupid, is this a normal thing in every relationship??

[Anyways]

Well...ln my experience...my sex drive depends on the man i'm dating and my health. If he's a great man and worthy and treats me really well (like my ex) and I'm feeling him emotionally...I am for it all the time. You seem to think the same thing about your bf...so I guess it is not that.

 

I also notice a big difference when I'm exercising regularly. When I lost weight...my sex drive heightened. Are you fit?

 

Also, some birth control methods affect a person's sex drive. That has happened to a few of my female friends but not me particularly.

 

Another thing with me is also, if a guy asks too much...he seems too needy to me and desperate that I don't really want to do it at times. Kinda like...give me a chance to want it and ask it from you....make me chase for you and crave it. My other ex was so needy and desperate that he was kinda like a nympho. He was also a loser and had not much to offer, I eventually broke up with him. On top of that...he didn't help me make sex fun and exciting like my other ex.

 

How old are you? If you are really busy and tired all the time. Maybe you should try to do more things for yourself and try to relax so that you can enjoy it more. Sex is a good thing if you allow yourself to be confident and experiment. Well, keep us updated.

[Becoming]

Often our sex drive is a way of telling us something's off with the relationship, unless you just naturally have a low sex drive.

 

It sounds like he expects you to meet all his needs without you getting yours met. A blow job while you're crying about it? That's not right.

 

Check out http://www.marriagebuilders.com and read the stuff on the love bank and emotional needs. Once he starts meeting some of your emotional needs, he's more likely to get the sex he wants. Take the emotional needs inventory. It's good stuff.