I was the rebound gal, now what?

[Flowerchild84]

I was there for him, I helped him through a very difficult time. He thought he was over her. At month 3, he realized he wasn't over her(doesn't want her back, but not over her) He was honest about it and said he must have been in denial, but has now realized he isn't over it.

So we agree to part ways.

I know I need to give him his space and time alone to heal.

I am going to do the N/C thing (aside from the once a week we have to see one another at work)

I know there is no timeframe I can give or keep in my head.

Question:

I know I need to just be living my life for now, and I'm fine with that. But, my fear is...I was with him through the worst...I have seen him at his worse. We have had a past history ourselves, we have been friends for a long time...he said he cares/has feelings but can't be giving me 100% right now.(better he was honest about it, I understand and am fine with it)

Question: Do I wait it out? Do I start dating others when I still have feelings for him? WHat about when and if the time comes and he is over it and ready for a relationship with me, what if I'm with someone new by then?

Do I waste time waiting? What if it takes a year? Should I give it 3 months, N/C, me not dating others...keeping myself busy/fullfilled and see if he comes to me? Or...just forget the whole thing?

He said, he thinks it will take a long time...(he isn't wanting to date anyone else he also said...)

What to do?

Give it a few months, (just to see, if he finds away to move on quickly esp. with not having me there/will miss me)?

Start dating now, get over HIM....too much "damage has been done" by getting involved with someone rebounding?

Is it a lost cause, with me having been the rebound girl?

[JS17]

Put yourself out there and start dating again. You shouldn't put your life on hold for him. You could possibly meet someone you like even better. If you don't meet someone and you're both single and willing to try again in the future then you will. If I was in your shoes I wouldn't wait around for him.

[mini696]

I'm in a similar situation at the moment. My ex-GF is in one of those "I don't know what I want" stages. Everything I do seems to be wrong. I talk to her and she wants space, I dont talk and she doesnt believe I ever loved her.

 

Sorry I dont have anything to add. But I'll be watching this thread closely.

[Flowerchild84]

If I was in your shoes I wouldn't wait around for him.

 

Yes, BUT......If you know someone is a good man, honest, faithful, openly communicates, intelligent etc...(those are some HUGE good qualities) and if you have feelings for them, wouldn't it be worth just 3 months of your time to wait it out. I'm not saying, I'm not going to live my life, but take the 3 months (with essentially N/C) to work on myself as well. Kind of regroup, improve me, just live.....and then see what happens in three months. Who knows maybe I won't feel anything, just saying if I took 3 months or so for betterment of me....and he doing the same....wouldn't it be worth it?

Yes, he could very well go through the healing process and not want to give us a shot due to me being around during the mess, could go the other way too...but maybe due to this NEITHER one of us should start dating others. When chapters aren't completely closed yet....

I will say that in the past i have been the one to initiate contact, worked a bit harder at our friendship/relationship...so by me doing the N/C thing for the first time in 5 yrs....I think just doing that might be more a "tell" and he will end up missing me...and do what it takes for him to move on from her.....and during that, just work on me....

I don't know, just seems hard to "jump into dating" when my heart is still with him and we would be together if he had gotten further along with his healing process.....so if that is the only thing in the way.....why not wait a lousy 3 months to see?

Anyone????

[mini696]

It sounds like you have a pretty good plan there.