I need a little outside perspective

[Iamnaeth]

I've spent the last few days scouring this website and reading a lot of the posts. Its been helpful and now I'm hoping to get a little insight as to what maybe going on in my relationship. I'll hope to add all the details but still keep it concise.

 

My girl and I met 2.5 years ago. I was 22 and she was 18. I had just finished my last year at college and she finished her first. We did the long distance relationship for the fall semester where I worked and she attended classes. She found out her major was offered at a nearby college (25 minutes) which had a better reputation and transferred. We dated through the spring semester. During the summer she went home and we talked everyday. Eventually I felt cramped and smothered. Instead of communicating with her, I broke up with her when she came back after the summer. I realize now that it probably was my quarter life crisis. What ensued was 6-8 months of her trying to win me back while I took her granted. In hindsight, the worst 6-8 months of my life. Eventually, she became busy with schoolwork, sorority and a play. What you would expect to happen happened. Her being too busy made me realize how much I loved her and missed her. For the next 3 months, I worked my @ss off to change myself and show her how much I appreciated and loved her. And this past may, it worked. For the last 6 months, we've been wonderfully in love. Discussing our future and having great communication. This time around our relationship was even stronger than it used to be. Three weeks ago, she finally turned 21, (i'm 25 now) and I threw her a big suprise party, organizing all her friends together and she loved it. In the ensuing weeks, she had rehearsal every night for a play and we saw each other less and less however, we still talked 3-4 times a day. We told each other how much we loved each other. Also during this time, she began interviewing for an internship in LA (completely across the country) which would last from january to may. Recently when we were together however, she never seemed all there. I didn't know if she wasn't that into me anymore or if she was stressed. She doesn't handle stress very well and tends to dramatize everything. Two weeks ago, out of the blue, she suggested that maybe we take a break. I was devistated and broke down. She told me that she loved me so much but she felt confined. In all of our relationship, I never tried to keep her from doing anything. She said that half of her needed the break but the other half loved me so much and didn't want to do it. She decided to not take a break. Obviously, this shook me to the core and for the next week it was all I could think about. The next weekend, we decided to go ahead and take a two week break. Of course I broke down again. She said and was adament that this was not a break up, only a break and that whatever I did during the break, she was going to win me back at the end. I also should add that, I know and love this girl. This is not about going out and hooking up with other people. That is a fact. Anyways, after a good night's sleep together and another long converstation in the morning, she told me I ruined her surprise. She said that she had intended on taking a two week break and then coming back and proposing to me. Obviously, I took this as, i want to give some hope. I called her that evening and asked her if she meant it or if it was just false hope and that I would prefer she didn't lead me on. She insisted it was truthful. We didn't talk for the rest of saturday. On sunday she calls and we talk about nothing in particular for 20 minutes or so. On monday, she calls 4 times and asks to see me on tuesday before rehearsal. I go out there and she asks if I wanted to go ring shopping. We went to the jewelry store and look at rings for me and for her. She told me that her mother supports us getting married. She told me she loved me but wasn't ready to be not on a break. I said, okay. I drove her home and we had the best kiss of our entire lives. Hands down the best we've had. We talked once a day for the rest of the week. Then on last friday, I thought about it and if she was going to propose to me, I thought I'd be a gentlemen and make sure if it was okay with her parents. I called and they both said they would support it and they loved me. These conversations occurred almost simutaneously with her finding out that she got the internship in LA. Her play is almost here and she's been getting busier and busier but we still talk once a day, i should add that I haven't called her once. We end almost every call with I love you or I miss you. She has all this stress, our break, the internship, the play, and finals coming up. Yesterday I was having a particularly rough day and texted her that i had something to discuss. I needed to let her know that, it wasn't engagement or bust for us. If we weren't ready to get engaged, i was comfortable with still dating. She said that she knew that. That was the last time we talked.

 

I'm sure I've omitted some things but that the jist of it. Do you all think that she is just stressed out about everything and decided to back off the relationship? Do you think that she doesnt' want to be with me? I personally think that its a quarter life crisis for her. She told me she needed a break and I've been doing that by not calling her but its not much of a break if she keeps calling me. Should I tell her we can't talk or should I keep answering her calls and being supportive and see if I can help her through this? I'm so scared of losing her. She's the love of my life. Thanks for your help.

[Iamnaeth]

Guess no one has any input. In my honest opinion, I'm not sure how bad this situation is. She called me again last night and we had a good short talk. It ended with I love yous. She called me again this morning and we had another good short talk. She complimented me on a few things she liked about me and I made her laugh a few times. It seems like just relaxing and giving her time and space is working. Opening night for her play is tomorrow night and her last rehearsal is tonight. I was thinking about buying a candle (which has our scent, long story but I know she'll love it) and leaving it at her place while she's at rehearsal with a note saying something like, "here's something to relax with before your big day. Break a leg!" Nothing to sound pushy. Thoughts?

[downcydeguy]

All she asked for was a 2 week break and then would be ready to commit? And you couldn't handle this? Maybe I'm reading something incorrectly but it sounds like everything's completely fine man! With everything goin' on in her life right now added to the fact that she is now the dreaded age of 21, you should breathe a huge sigh of relief that she hasn't kicked you to the curb.

 

There are many of us on here that wish that our exes had only requested a 2 week break! Take it easy and relax about this. Let her know that you don't want to be an added stress in her life and will support her through this all.

 

I have a question though. Are you moving to LA with her? Is she going strictly for the 4-5 month stay or for good?

[Iamnaeth]

Its not that I couldn't handle it, it just kinda blindsided me. I'm doing better now. She'll be going to LA by herself but its strictly for 4-5 months. Its an internship then she comes back here to finish her degree. Honestly, when she comes back I'm not opposed to selling my condo and transferring my grad school credits to move with her where she needs to go. She doesn't know I'd transfer my grad schools though. I don't want to discuss it now to not come off as pushy.

[Iamnaeth]

I also don't think we'll be ready to commit in two weeks. I'm not too worried about getting engaged, I just want to be dating again.