thefilmguy24 Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 (edited) Hi, Let me say that I'm 37 and I've been with my girlfriend for almost 9 years. I love her so much and she means everything to me. We do have a 6 year old daughter who will be 7 in a few months. In my situation, I've been a real stupid fool. I'll admit that I'm more than likely at fault for this break as I call it due to my immaturity and stupid broken promises and my lack of effort in the relationship. I have to admit that this isn't the first time we've had this talk and situation come up with me leaving the house for a while. We do live with her parents as her family is Filipino so they took me in when we found out she was pregnant. I even proposed to her about a year ago on Christmas. Now, I know I took her for granted and never realized the sacrifices she has done for me in the years we've been together. For instance, I lost my job in 2017 and she was there for me to help me find a job and to use her car as my car broke down. She even supported me on taking on my dream of getting into the film industry which I did. I became a Production Assistant on a few shows and movies that were filming here in the Bay Area. I have now made friends and contacts with people who are in the industry to get me jobs. But the problem is, is that these jobs don't pay very much as I'm low on the totem pole and that I don't work every day. I've been fortunate that I have worked some jobs that were full time Monday through Friday, but that come along very often. The one big problem that we have is that I was not helping her financially with things, which I know, it was wrong of me to do that. I did help out sometimes but not all the time. I also would spend my money on our daughter and things that we really didn't need which again, I was at fault for that. Last week, I had to fly out to Hawaii to help out my cousin with her business for a week. The day I was about to fly back home, I wake up to long text from her stating that she's not happy and thinks that the relationship is not going anywhere. She wants me to take this time to figure things out and she also wants to know what she wants. She also doesn't want me to say anything to our daughter at the moment which is understandable. She does want to talk with me but when she's ready. I ended up extending my stay in Hawaii a few days as I was digesting this information. I was a mess. I was angry, sad, hurt, and emotional. I scared my nephews because I was throwing things (things that wouldn't break or cause damage like pillows and bean bags) and cursing. Plus I wasn't talking with anyone and was quiet and didn't eat or sleep. I didn't want to come back home because I didn't know what I was going to do. I ended up staying at my uncle's house for the night. But I had to leave as my younger brother and sister in law were coming down to pick up my daughter and have her for the week. My brother has offered me to stay at his house. At first I didn't want to take the offer because I was hurt and didn't want to be around anyone. Plus I didn't want my daughter to see how much of a mess I was. But I relented and ended up going and tried to be strong for my daughter. I told my brother that I only wanted to stay for the week but he told me where would I stay if I went back there. I really don't know but I was thinking of asking my uncle if I could stay there until I got on my feet. I know he wouldn't mind, but I just don't want to burden him. I texted my girlfriend to let me know when she's ready to talk and that I'm here if she needs anything. She knows that it's hard on both of us and will contact me when she's ready which I respected her decision even though it was killing me. What's killing me the most is that her 40th birthday is coming up in a week and then my birthday is a couple of weeks after hers. I feel incredibly sad that I may not be able to celebrate with her due to respecting her decision to be apart for now. I just don't know what we would tell our daughter about that. I know what my problem is and I know how to fix it. I'm willing to sacrifice everything and give her my everything this time around. I know I made mistakes and had other chances with her but I'm willing to put everything on the line now. I know things don't happen overnight and it may take some time before I hear anything. I'm hoping that this time apart is temporary and not permanent. My dilemma is that I am willing to sacrifice things even if it means putting my dream career in the film industry on the back burner but if I do that, will I be happy? For me to get the type of career in the industry that I want may take a few months to years to achieve but I've been working hard at it and trying to get the right contacts to help me achieve that goal. My question is how should I go about it? Should I get a real 9 to 5 job that will bring money in that can support my family or go with my dream career and work my ass off to get to the career in the industry that I want? I'm conflicted on what I should do. I do want to sacrifice everything. I just need a little advice on how I should approach this. I know I screwed up bad but I really want to fix this not only for her but for me too. I need to grow up and become more of a family man to provide for my family. She was doing all of that, not me which makes me feel like crap. I love her very much. I know I should of done things better last time and kept my promises. This time, this is a promise I really want to keep because her and my daughter mean everything to me and I want my family back. I want to prove to myself and her that I can do this and do it with a wanting heart. I know it's been almost a week since she told me this, but any advice will help. I just don't want to lose my family and want to become a better man. Thank you for taking the time to read this and for any advice given. Edited July 22, 2019 by thefilmguy24 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 You say you've had chances before, so I gather this is not the first time she has expressed her unhappiness with the situation. How many times has this happened in the past? If you want to keep your family together, then yes, you're likely going to need to get a more reliable job to contribute your fair share. It's clear that your girlfriend is no longer willing to support you to the extent that she evidently has. I am not sure if it's too late or not, but if you want a shot, then finding regular employment now is your best bet. After 9 years and a child together, what were you bigger goals for this relationship? You've been living with her parents for a long time now, it seems, and most couples are not going to want to live that way forever. So what was the bigger picture for you two - buying a house and moving out? Marrying? Or..? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 What do you want more: Your family or to continue to chase this dream that is not becoming a reality? If your dream job was realistic you would have made way more progress then you have over the years. So it's a choice: the fantasy or your family. Pick one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 Too little too late. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 Too little too late. I agree . OP. BTW one of your first thoughts... What's killing me the most is that her 40th birthday is coming up in a week and then my birthday is a couple of weeks after hers. I feel incredibly sad that I may not be able to celebrate with her due to respecting her decision to be apart for now. Really???? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 (edited) I love her so much and she means everything to me. We do have a 6 year old daughter who will be 7 in a If the statement above is true . . . you will do what's in the statement below: Should I get a real 9 to 5 job that will bring money in that can support my family I want my family back. I want to prove to myself You have a child! Your #1 priority should be that child and her mother. You are only thinking of yourself and your "dream". Forget your dream and start preparing the way so that your daughter's dreams can come true. Edited July 22, 2019 by Redhead14 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 It's not a bad thing to have dreams and personal goals it's when they are put in front of responsibilities that someone else has to pick up the slack. You work a job that will provide for your family and work towards your goals part time. It's not even a close call your family comes first. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 She's pulling the wagon and you're just along for the ride. She's probably wised up and moved on. Sounds like you're done. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 You are being passive/receiving rather than assertive/provider/giver in the relationship. No woman (or very few) are ever going to tolerate that for very long. They don't want an adult child to take care of. You are not the rock, the foundation, the solid footing that she can relax and feel safe with. You are basically just becoming a responsibility for her to have attend to and keep "saving". The "Starving Artist" thing only really works in fake romantic films/movies/novels. It doesn't "fly" in real life. Considering the industry you are in should should know that. Financial responsibility is one good place to start. The trip to Hawaii for example,...travel is expensive. Did you get paid by your cousin for the help and did it out-weigh the cost of the trip enough to be worth doing? Yes, you get a full time job and meet your responsibilities, you're the one that made the baby. The dream career is something you work on on the side until it can become more profitable than your main job. If it grows to that point then you can quit the regular job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 Sort out your priorities. Few of us have our "dream" jobs, but work our way into jobs and careers that provide some type of satisfaction and purpose. We do that because we have bills to pay and have to support ourselves and our families. The time for chasing your dreams while living off of other people should have been over many years ago, you are not a child. You HAVE a child. Talk is cheap - show your gf that you are serious about wanting to provide a life for her and your daughter. Look for a job that will provide a regular, reliable income. Start looking immediately. Good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thefilmguy24 Posted July 23, 2019 Author Share Posted July 23, 2019 My cousin paid for my trip out there and did pay me for helping her out there. I think that you're right about me maybe doing my dream stuff on the side while I'm working a full time job to bring in the money and maybe somewhere when it does take off if it ever does. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thefilmguy24 Posted July 23, 2019 Author Share Posted July 23, 2019 I am looking and I thank you for the advice. I'm really trying to find something that I know I can do and be qualified for. I know I won't love it like my film stuff but its something that I have to sacrifice and do to make sure I can provide for my family. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 (edited) Very good! Good luck with it. Edited July 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote edited Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 You also can't take a "break" from your kid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted July 25, 2019 Share Posted July 25, 2019 Everything is on her terms, she's not happy with the relationship. Im really sorry to say this, but the relationship has already ended. Your in a no win situation, do your dream career and loose her. Compromise your dream, and you'll lose her It always works that way. Sometimes life gets rid of the people that aren't compatible with our dreams. It really hurts, especially when there's a daughter involved. I wouldn't beat yourself up about this, she chose to support you in your dream, then when you get somewhere she's not happy. Plan a working relationship with her, for the sake of your daughter. Nurse your wounds, keep pursuing your dream. Hiw old are you? 40 also? Gets to a certain age when a man is more compatible with a younger woman. Link to post Share on other sites
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