lilpomp Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 (edited) My depressed girlfriend broke up with me a few days ago. She says I don't really put enough effort eg. (not planning stuff with her, taking her out to eat etc.). She loves me but says this also effected her depression to the worse.We have been in a relationship for 3 years. She was very emotional during the breakup. She held my hand, cried, hugged me and also kissed me on the neck and she looked like she didn't want to leave. She told me her heart wants us back together but her mind is saying otherwise. She said she wishes she can get better and be with me but said that she can’t keep dreaming. She also said that she is not mentally ready to cotinue our relationship because she feels drained and exhausted. She wants to fix herself and be alone. I am ready to wait for her but will she miss me and maybe message me back? Edited June 12, 2019 by lilpomp Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 If your GF is in therapy, you can try to get her back by being the romantic guy she claims to want. Send her flowers. Plan dates. Basically step up If your GF is not in therapy, everything she told you is BS. She was just saying that because she was trying to soften the blow. She's done & she wants out. Let her go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilpomp Posted June 12, 2019 Author Share Posted June 12, 2019 If your GF is in therapy, you can try to get her back by being the romantic guy she claims to want. Send her flowers. Plan dates. Basically step up If your GF is not in therapy, everything she told you is BS. She was just saying that because she was trying to soften the blow. She's done & she wants out. Let her go. Yes, she's in therapy but I have already met her twice, once she called me two days after our break up asking me to bring her stuff back where she started crying, we talked for about 3 minutes and she told me to meet up. We met up and we talked. It was very emotional. She said that she is pressured with the relationship right now. The day after I called to meet up and we met up. We talked again and she said the same thing. The thing is, when she's with me everything feels better, but she says she cannot be too dependent on me and she needs to get back on her feet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilpomp Posted June 12, 2019 Author Share Posted June 12, 2019 Also, should I give her stuff back? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 Of course you should give her stuff back. It's her stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilpomp Posted June 12, 2019 Author Share Posted June 12, 2019 Of course you should give her stuff back. It's her stuff. I know, but should I wait for her to ask me for it? Because I feel when she asked me for her stuff, it was just an excuse to meet up. Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 Doesn't matter if it was just an excuse, just don't play that game. Give her the stuff, say "Good luck, thanks for the good times, I hope you find a counselor that can help you." Then leave don't stick around to get drawn in - if she is being honest, then she is being smart - you (or any bf) cannot 'fix' her, she needs to fix herse;f, likely with professional assistance. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 Also, should I give her stuff back? Ship her stuff back to her, throw it all in one of those flat rate boxes, and let the postal service deal with her stuff., Save the receipt, just in case. If she is this depressed, the albatross has been removed from around your neck. You should be happy and celebrate that this relationship is over. Why would you want to be saddled with someone dealing with clinical depression when you don't have to. Plenty of fish in the sea, find one without all of these problems. NEXT!! You'll see... you'll soon be kicking yourself for staying with this woman and wasting 3 years of your life dealing with her problems. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 My depressed girlfriend broke up with me a few days ago. does she have situational depression or clinical depression? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilpomp Posted June 12, 2019 Author Share Posted June 12, 2019 does she have situational depression or clinical depression? After the death of her mother, she found me about 4 months after and she clinged onto me. I slept at her place for a whole year, we met everyday, i was always with her. But it tired me and I started fading away, don't get me wrong I still loved her but I wanted time for myself. I asked for time off, for example meeting 4 days a week instead of 7 but she used to cry. She told me she isn't feeling safe with me anymore at this point it time which I think is due to her depression. She's being medicated for it. I think it's situational depression. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilpomp Posted June 12, 2019 Author Share Posted June 12, 2019 Doesn't matter if it was just an excuse, just don't play that game. Give her the stuff, say "Good luck, thanks for the good times, I hope you find a counselor that can help you." Then leave don't stick around to get drawn in - if she is being honest, then she is being smart - you (or any bf) cannot 'fix' her, she needs to fix herse;f, likely with professional assistance. Exactly, she does need professional assistance but she also said that their where some stuff from my side that she wanted me to fix and I didn't which caused her to fall deeper into her depressive state. That's why I told her that I would change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilpomp Posted June 12, 2019 Author Share Posted June 12, 2019 Ship her stuff back to her, throw it all in one of those flat rate boxes, and let the postal service deal with her stuff., Save the receipt, just in case. If she is this depressed, the albatross has been removed from around your neck. You should be happy and celebrate that this relationship is over. Why would you want to be saddled with someone dealing with clinical depression when you don't have to. Plenty of fish in the sea, find one without all of these problems. NEXT!! You'll see... you'll soon be kicking yourself for staying with this woman and wasting 3 years of your life dealing with her problems. I feel that her depression issue can be healed by time, it's just that I don't know if she's able to trust me that i''ll change these small things for her that she told me are killing her from the inside. Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 " her that she told me are killing her from the inside" This is one of the more blatantly manipulative statements I've seen lately... What things exactly did she want you to change? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 I feel that her depression issue can be healed by time... And what if you are wrong and this depression stays with her for the rest of her life. You really want to be on that ride for the long haul?? In my opinion, you dodged a bullet. Be happy you are out. Ship her stuff to her and close the chapter on this one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilpomp Posted June 12, 2019 Author Share Posted June 12, 2019 " her that she told me are killing her from the inside" This is one of the more blatantly manipulative statements I've seen lately... What things exactly did she want you to change? Not trying to be in denial hahaha but, I think she's been telling me about these for about a year and a half and I must admit that it's my fault about that. These include for example, not kissing her enough (seriously), lack of interest etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilpomp Posted June 12, 2019 Author Share Posted June 12, 2019 And what if you are wrong and this depression stays with her for the rest of her life. You really want to be on that ride for the long haul?? In my opinion, you dodged a bullet. Be happy you are out. Ship her stuff to her and close the chapter on this one. I don't know, i'l have to wait until she finished her medication course in a couple of months. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 I don't know, i'l have to wait until she finished her medication course in a couple of months. I'm a bit confused, do you actually plan on contacting her in a couple of months to check on her?? You guys are over, leave her alone. Go no contact. Her depression (and any other medical conditions) are hers and her doctors' concerns, not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 "These include for example, not kissing her enough (seriously), lack of interest etc." And "these small things for her that she told me are killing her from the inside. " Leave her be and move on friend. The honeymoon period can never last forever. She has to fix herself, as long as she is expecting you to fix her (and a statement like that is exactly saying that), you will get nothing but heartbreak in the long run. You've heard "Its better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all" You loved her, you lost her to herself. That sucks, and you can grow from it, but its not 'on you'. No one ever says "Its better to have loved and depended on for everything and then stabbed in the back or abandoned" but thats where getting back with her will lead you unless she's done some serious work on herself. And its not fair for you, OR FOR HER, for you to wait around for her, respect her decision and adopt it as your own, in case she tries to pull you back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilpomp Posted June 12, 2019 Author Share Posted June 12, 2019 Yes, she does have to fix herself but the thing is the relationship was great, we loved each other and were on very good terms 3 days before the break up. I feel the honey moon period is still there it just ended too soon. I know I can fix myself but I need to prove it too her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilpomp Posted June 12, 2019 Author Share Posted June 12, 2019 "These include for example, not kissing her enough (seriously), lack of interest etc." And "these small things for her that she told me are killing her from the inside. " Leave her be and move on friend. The honeymoon period can never last forever. She has to fix herself, as long as she is expecting you to fix her (and a statement like that is exactly saying that), you will get nothing but heartbreak in the long run. You've heard "Its better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all" You loved her, you lost her to herself. That sucks, and you can grow from it, but its not 'on you'. No one ever says "Its better to have loved and depended on for everything and then stabbed in the back or abandoned" but thats where getting back with her will lead you unless she's done some serious work on herself. And its not fair for you, OR FOR HER, for you to wait around for her, respect her decision and adopt it as your own, in case she tries to pull you back. Yes, she does have to fix herself but the thing is the relationship was great, we loved each other and were on very good terms 3 days before the break up. I feel the honey moon period is still there it just ended too soon. I know I can fix myself but I need to prove it too her. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 What you describe isn't love -- it's some kind of dependence. You met her 4 months after her mother died. She immediately clung to you & had you there with her 7 nights per week. That wasn't love. That was her being terrified of being alone. When you pulled back because you understandably needed some time to live your life she got upset. She wasn't upset because you were pulling back. She was upset because she has no idea how to be alone. She needs somebody, anybody, to be there because she cannot stand on her own two feet. Your relationship is seriously unhealthy. A course of medication is not going to fix what is wrong with her. A pill won't bring her mom back to life nor will a pill teach her how to be independent. Both of those will required intensive talk therapy. You don't have to "fix yourself". The more attention she keeps demanding from you is just a symptom of what's wrong with her -- she's needy & clingy. That is not love. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 I give up. good luck dude. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 ...and she clinged onto me. I slept at her place for a whole year, we met everyday, i was always with her. But it tired me and I started fading away, don't get me wrong I still loved her but I wanted time for myself... This is exactly the way my ex was, and how our relationship progressed. She never even gave me time to breathe and if I wanted to do something myself she took it as an affront. In the future I will not date a woman like this. You should give her all her stuff back, tell her it was not your choice and wish her the best, then go no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilpomp Posted June 13, 2019 Author Share Posted June 13, 2019 i guess it's over, she asked me for her stuff.... now i gotta work on myself Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 i guess it's over, she asked me for her stuff.... now i gotta work on myself I personally would take all her stuff and burn it until it's a pile of ashes. Take some pics too and post them on instagram Link to post Share on other sites
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