Broke up

[RetroRob]

My Partner and I were together for 4 years and had a great relationship filled with many memories but split up about 8 weeks ago due to us having tough times individually. We wanted to get back together and initially continued to be with each other other until we drove each other apart with hoping to get the end result too quick. We ended up driving each other apart with both being jealous by speaking to their people which led to the usual mistakes, me begging for a second chance which lead to her getting angry. After a few days of not talking we agreed that we would take a proper break and we would find a way back. A week or so went past and we ended up texting again but quickly turned nasty and led to an arguement which in turn resulted in me losing my cool and getting told to leave her alone. We then were bitter and tried to make each other jealous for a couple of weeks during which we did not speak. I then reached out to apologise and wanted her back which she was happy about it and spent the night together. We then began to take it slowly and we’re making each other so happy again and rebuilding trust which was broken after I found out she had been still been seeing the other person so I took a step back. We then bumped into each other and spoke about things and she told me that to stop believing fake rumours and was disappointed that i didntbtrustvher etc so I apologised and suggested a friendship but she was telling me how angry and hurt she was at me for speaking to their people. She then told me she loved and misses everything about me etc and how we were both leading each other on but was still seeing this other guy so I felt like I was the safety net and confronted her which led to her being angry, cold and nasty telling each other we hope we don’t speak ever again. I really do love and still have feelings this girl and Her likewise as she’s getting angry and jealous. We have now cut all contact on every platform. I do want to get her back eventually but feel because it got nasty there is no hope ?

[d0nnivain]

I think the trust is gone. In your efforts to fix things I think you two made such a mess that I don't see how you get back from that. The game playing, the jealousy, the nastiness. Yikes. Those are not traits of people who want to reconcile.

 

I think you two don't really want to be back together. I think you are both afraid of change & the unknown. As bad as your relationship was it was familiar & you had the comfort of having someone, even a poor fit that you had outgrown. It still grounded you because you were part of a couple & you both crave that stability.

 

When you recognize that you want a happy, stable loving relationship vs the other person per se, it will be easier to let go of something that wasn't working so you can go find a better fit.

 

Best wishes.

[Redhead14]

Frankly, I don't think the relationship was as solid/connected as you thought. Usually, when people are struggling with things, they are drawn a little closer for comfort and support. It doesn't divide them, at least not to the extent this did apparently. Sure, you are not married and you each may have to deal with things "separately" but usually you would seek support/advice/comfort from each other.

 

 

It sounds to me like you should just keep moving. Straighten out whatever you had to deal with personally and then start dating to find a woman with whom you can share difficulties and support one another in those times.