Why is my ex texting me?

[Aoyama]

So my ex has been sending me one text per week for about 4 weeks now (every Saturday night) and I haven´t replied to any of them

 

Not because I shouldn't but mainly because after I thought about it I realized he did me so wrong and played and disrespected me in so many ways that I just don´t feel like I have anything to say to him (right now at least)

 

Basically, he´s been sending me short texts on Saturday nights. Which I find weird because this is like a calculated thing. Why always on Saturday night?

 

I remember when I would send texts missing someone in the past they would come in moments of weakness in different times – I mean there´s no specific day or time to miss someone.

 

Apart from always being sent on a Saturday night, the texts have been weird:

 

 

WEEK 01 - Hi, how are you? This song makes me think of you.

(I did not reply)

- Never mind. Won´t say it anymore.

 

 

WEEK 02 - I´ve been thinking. I loved and still love you so much. But our

relationship was never light.

 

 

WEEK 03 - I admit it. I miss you.

But now that it´s over forever, I will keep in my memory what we were and what we could be one day.

Hope you will be happy X (my name).

Kisses

 

And then this week:

 

WEEK 04. - “X (my name), just answer me this: is this over forever?

 

And then 8 minutes later:

 

- “Answered“

 

 

I don´t understand it. I think he is with someone else. And after much thought, I think now he is always with 2 people – and I think maybe what he likes is having two girlfriends at the same time and making them look like fools not knowing about the other. That´s just something I thought could be the case with him.

 

Maybe he would break up with one to be with the other.

 

And 10 days from now we might be at the same event together. Me, him and this girl I suppose is his now on and off girlfriend (which i suspect he left me for). So maybe he is sending me those texts because he will hide her from me (or break up with her for that week just to get back together the week after) if I say we have a chance. I don´t know.

 

 

I wanted to understand those texts if anyone could help with that. I think it might be just to check my reaction.

 

PS. I don´t block because I find it worse to actually block. The times I did block, I would feel like unblocking and this was a little mess for me. So it´s easier for me to just leave it unblocked. But I did delete his number.

 

I don´t know anything about him as to being with this girl now or not (even though I would say it´s very likely). But I don´t know because I don´t have him in any social media. Nor do I want to know. I´m not on social media either after he hacked all my fb and email accounts once I decided to delete fb and no instagram either.

 

 

So just could use some help understanding this. What are these texts about?

[preraph]

Yeah, you know what's going on. He wants two women who will put up with him having two women. He also just wants validation that he's desirable, which is also why he wants two women and why he wishes you were pining after him to boost his ego.

 

Listen, you have this figured out. Block him so he can't keep making your head spin. He's not a keeper.

[The Outlaw]

It's for attention. Evidently, he doesn't have two brain cells to rub together because most people would have gotten a clue by now that someone isn't going to text back. If he's hacked your social media accounts, there's no way he's even worth considering even taking back. He's an ex for a reason. Block him and keep it that way.

[stillafool]

I can't understand what he is saying from what he wrote. You know him better than us so what do you think this means. If you haven't blocked him it's because you want to hear from him.

[Beachead]

OP are you comfortable with telling us what he did? Atleast in some general way? If you're able to do this, I believe I will have a much better understanding about the intent behind these texts.

 

Kindly,

 

- Beach

Edited May 20, 2019 by Beachead

[Aoyama]

Hi Beach, thanks. Yes.

 

Well, we first met at the airport - quick conversation which he started. After that, all I knew was his name. I was 25 he was 36. He lived in another city.

 

Months later, we met again at a get-together where I was with a group of friends after an exam. He was there too at the same table talking to a woman – it seemed a little like he was hitting on her. He recognized me, said hi, and when she would go to the bathroom he would come talk to me. Then go back talk to her. And so on.

 

When I left, he said he would leave too and tried to kiss me at the cab but I didn't kiss him (Now I have this clear to me but I completely erased this before – his hitting on another women that day)

 

Some time after, we started dating. He was my third boyfriend but the first boyfriend I was intimate with. And we were together for about 2 and half years. I loved him. He said he loved me too – that I was the only one he ever considered getting married to. He didn't want to get married.

 

Then I found out about other women while we were dating. Lies about other women. Later found out he had a girlfriend when we started dating. Also, he would stare at other women all the time when we went out (and be flirty with some). He hacked my accounts.

 

I broke up with him. Still loved him. He said he would love me forever. He later asked to get back together. He then broke up. And recently, we started texting - he was like pursuing me, saying he loved me. I found out about this girl, he said it was not what it seemed - something about seeing me in his future - something about me being the one that knows him the most. Then something happened but I felt used, felt like this other girl was there all the time and would still be there. He also said bad things to me.

 

So there came a point in which I just got tired. I felt and I feel like I was played for so long. But for me, we were already broken up. And then came these texts, which makes it more weird.

Edited May 20, 2019 by Aoyama

[Marc878]

Breadcrumbs. If you like being played and drama don't block him.

[BC1980]

Those are just feelers to see if you will answer. It's kind of human nature to double down if you don't get what you want, but he will eventually stop if you don't answer.

[TheFinalWord]

Guy is a shady. Trying to mess with your head to manipulate you.

[TooBad]

So… basicly he is still doing what he was doing all along. Other girl 'goes to the bathroom', he will text you.

 

 

It's nothing more, nothing less. And most certainly not about any real feelings for you.

[Beachead]

Hi Beach, thanks. Yes.

 

Well, we first met at the airport - quick conversation which he started. After that, all I knew was his name. I was 25 he was 36. He lived in another city.

 

Months later, we met again at a get-together where I was with a group of friends after an exam. He was there too at the same table talking to a woman – it seemed a little like he was hitting on her. He recognized me, said hi, and when she would go to the bathroom he would come talk to me. Then go back talk to her. And so on.

 

When I left, he said he would leave too and tried to kiss me at the cab but I didn't kiss him (Now I have this clear to me but I completely erased this before – his hitting on another women that day)

 

Some time after, we started dating. He was my third boyfriend but the first boyfriend I was intimate with. And we were together for about 2 and half years. I loved him. He said he loved me too – that I was the only one he ever considered getting married to. He didn't want to get married.

 

Then I found out about other women while we were dating. Lies about other women. Later found out he had a girlfriend when we started dating. Also, he would stare at other women all the time when we went out (and be flirty with some). He hacked my accounts.

 

I broke up with him. Still loved him. He said he would love me forever. He later asked to get back together. He then broke up. And recently, we started texting - he was like pursuing me, saying he loved me. I found out about this girl, he said it was not what it seemed - something about seeing me in his future - something about me being the one that knows him the most. Then something happened but I felt used, felt like this other girl was there all the time and would still be there. He also said bad things to me.

 

So there came a point in which I just got tired. I felt and I feel like I was played for so long. But for me, we were already broken up. And then came these texts, which makes it more weird.

 

Okay. I now see why you're hung up on the texts.

 

You fell in love with the man you thought he was. The man you wanted him to be. That is, until you discovered the man he actually is: This guy who juggles women. It broke your heart and you mourn it because you were happy before this discovery. You may even feel angry at yourself for not seeing this earlier and feel embarrassed that you were just another girl in the list of girls he talks to. Therefore, there is a part of you that wishes he was this person and was actually the guy you thought he was.

 

If I'm wrong about that, then the important question here is, why do you still care about what his texts mean?

 

Reading your post, he is a liar and a cheater. Ofcourse the trust is gone for you and rightfully so. You can't get that back. Even if you wanted to test that and got back together to give him a second try, it will always be in the back of your mind, this fear, that he's playing you. When he uses his phone, you'll worry about who he might be talking to. When he's not with you, you'll wonder who he's with. You will always be on your toes. Can't live like that and so the relationship is over.

 

It doesn't even matter what those texts mean. What he did reduces it to nothing. But if you want my opinion, I think he's trying to gauge how strong your resolve is and if you can be manipulated back into his life. You do not want to go back to this guy. It will be a mistake. You certainly want to ignore these texts.

 

If you don't feel ready to block his number, I would delete his number off of your phone and delete every text that comes your way without reading it. At some point, he will stop.

 

- Beach

Edited May 20, 2019 by Beachead

[FMW]

He's playing games with you. If he wins (if you respond), he gets a massive ego stroke.

 

Continue ignoring him, he's still the same guy with all the same habits and tendencies that made you tired of it all.

[stillafool]

Thanks for explaining all of that OP.

 

Well it seems the reason he is now texting you is because it's your turn again. He isn't in love with you or anyone else. He's just playing the field because women like you keep taking him back. This is why he never wants to marry because his lifestyle is just too much fun for him.

[Aoyama]

Yes. I am a little embarrassed now to have allowed myself to be fooled like that. Sad to have wasted my time.

 

And if I could I would go back in time and just stay away from him but this is pointless now.

 

It took me a long time to see all of this and finally get tired of it. Well, it's not easy to see things like that when we are in love.

 

At one point, not long ago, I finally thought: enough, he has crossed all the lines now. He is shamelessly disrespectful now. Started thinking things like: does he like weak women? Is this woman he is with weak? Was I a weak woman too? Did he play me since day one? Did he always have 2 women at the same time?

 

I mean, this is was not all obvious at first.

 

And I believe it got worse with time. I believe the disrespect was not always that bad. It was there since the beginning but I think it got much worse afterwards.

 

He asked me to marry him more than once. Kept asking me to promise him I would be with him forever. Asked me to move in with him when I barely knew him - which was weird & was something I never considered. Formally introduced me to his whole family since the very beginning. Pushed me to introduce him to my family. Scheduled trips to do that. Took my mother to a restaurant to meet her. Wanted to meet my father, my sister and whatnot. Always made us very public (had our picture as his profile picture in social media - and so on (now I think maybe it was to get back at his ex – I don't know).

 

I don't think he made it so public with his current girlfriend. I think he got worse with time. And I believe he wasn't as shameless before.

 

And now I've been getting those Saturday night texts from him every week and it just puzzles me. Like I feel like I want to make sense of it as part of putting an end to this story.

[preraph]

He doesn't have enough respect for women to be said he was in love. He's in love with sex. He will say anything to juggle women for sex variety. Someone who really loves someone as a person, the very last thing they would ever want to do is hurt them, and he knows he's doing this every day, hurt and betrayal. That's not love. That's him being in love with sex.

[Aoyama]

He doesn't have enough respect for women to be said he was in love. He's in love with sex. He will say anything to juggle women for sex variety. Someone who really loves someone as a person, the very last thing they would ever want to do is hurt them, and he knows he's doing this every day, hurt and betrayal. That's not love. That's him being in love with sex.

 

I think this is pretty much the perfect definition for what he is and does

 

Weird that someone like that will choose someone who is a virgin (like was the case with me and his girlfriend before me)

[stillafool]

I think this is pretty much the perfect definition for what he is and does

 

Weird that someone like that will choose someone who is a virgin (like was the case with me and his girlfriend before me)

 

Not really. It's weird that virgins would pick a man like him if you ask me. Go for nice guys.

[preraph]

I think this is pretty much the perfect definition for what he is and does

 

Weird that someone like that will choose someone who is a virgin (like was the case with me and his girlfriend before me)

 

Because he is judgy about women who have sex because he has a double standard. You'll see plenty of those guys on this forum too. It can be any number of reasons. Insecurity: hoping you will be the best you've ever had because you're the only. Judgy: Thinks women who like sex and go have it are bad women. Finicky/germophobe: Thinks sex is actually kinda dirty but likes to have it but only with untouched women. It's not a good thing. It's a crazy thing.

 

Be done with this guy.

[Beachead]

@Aoyama

 

You can do better and you will better.

 

Keep your head up

 

- Beach

[stillafool]

 

 

And now I've been getting those Saturday night texts from him every week and it just puzzles me. Like I feel like I want to make sense of it as part of putting an end to this story.

 

You can always block him from contacting you then you won't have to worry about those Saturday night texts anymore.

[Aoyama]

Thanks for the kindness Beach, Preraph, stillafool and everyone

 

It feels like you got him figured out so this helps so thank you for that

 

I guess what's gone is gone and it should be put behind me now

[preraph]

Keep your chin up. Do fun things.