catmom2 Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 (edited) Hello all I'm a new member here. I've been in a relationship for 18 years (no marriage or kids). The first 8 years were good but the last 10 years has been complete hell. I tried to leave 9 years ago was packed and ready to move out the next day. However the next morning I got a call from my soon to be ex that his son,17 yrs old had just fallen off a cliff and was paralyzed from the waist down. My ex asked if I would stay and keep his company running while he dealt with this. I worked for him as well for 9 years. Building his company into what is a very successful business. After thinking about it I decided to stay and help keep the business afloat and watch after his house and dogs. He was having to go out of town to work on his ex's house to make it handicap accessible. This took almost a year. Since he was out of town 4 out of 7 days it was manageable. After all was completed with his ex's renovation it was time for me to leave. Then he got into trouble with a road rage fight that landed him in bed for 2 weeks. Then went immediately into the court system with charges against him. Not knowing much about how the court system works I thought this work be a quick motion. Not so. I stayed while he healed because again he couldn't work and I had to hold the business together. The case took 2 years to settle in court. 3 weeks before it was dismissed, and he knew he was in the clear and not going to jail he kicked me out. I moved out and 1 month after he asked me to please come back and help with the company that he couldn't do it without me. With no job yet I was able to call the shots as what he was going to pay me, since he never paid me before because we lived together. Now its been 7 years working together, not living together. I've tried from time to time to find a new job but could never get ahead in money to break free. I knew if I said I found a new job he would just fire me, and with a new job I would have to wait 2 or more weeks before my first check. Again a year ago he got a DWI for the 3rd time and is facing prison time or probation. We will find out what is going to happen in the next month. Stuck again taking care of the business because of his weekly meetings with bond officer, AA meetings and being on work release. Now I'm up on money but the mental and verbal abuse that has gone on for the last 10 years has taken a toll on my self esteem. He has broken me! I'm nothing but a whipping post. I need to take that leap of faith but afraid I will fail at a new job. I very afraid of him and what he might do. I'm the only stable one holding this whole **** storm together. I will not run this business if he goes to prison, but he seems to think he will get felony probation. Which if he does he will loose it if I find another job and make it hard for me. My friends think he will hurt me physically. He has never been physical with me but he is already freaking out about the amount of probation he will get and yet again will want me to stay for the company. I really don't know how to bring myself up and free myself from all this in the most careful way possible. Just righting this is making me shake, but its good to get it off my chest. I hope someone on here as some advice any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading. Edited May 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 Is there anyone you can stay with while you work on getting a job and saving some money? Link to post Share on other sites
Author catmom2 Posted May 17, 2019 Author Share Posted May 17, 2019 No. My best friend is going thru a really bad divorce and I have no family in the area. My dad lives out of state. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 He very well could get felony probation. Shocking, but something like only 25 percent of felons do jail time. If you can put up with all this, you can get and keep another job! If you're in the US, it's a great time to find a job with the unemployment at an all-time low right now. If you leave, you should get some distance between you and not tell him where you're moving to and not tell any friends of family who might tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 What steps are you undertaking to save $$ & look for a job? Those are your 1st steps. Sock away a month of living expenses & send out resumes. Then just leave. It's your choice. When you want it bad enough, you will make it happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author catmom2 Posted May 18, 2019 Author Share Posted May 18, 2019 I barely make enough to make ends meet. I have cut my budget in half. The job market here in North Texas is great but with that comes a lot of competition. Since I haven's been in the corporate world in several years its hard and thats where the money it at. I have had several offers but nothing that I could live on. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 You are making choices. I get that some of them may be tough choices but if you have had offers & turned them down, you are choosing to stay. I'd take almost anything to get away from him, get a roommate, make a bare bones budget & then search for a new job once you get back into corporate. Link to post Share on other sites
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