How go get someone to accept you just want to be friends

[Hope4thefuture]

Last fall I briefly dated someone for 2 months. I realized it was a rebound to try and get over my ex, which didn’t work. I did have feelings for this guy, but my feelings for my ex never quite went away. So I ended it with him.

 

He wanted to still be friends. I wasn’t sure that was going to work because I thought he still wanted more. I didn’t text or call him. I still wanted to get back with my ex. This guy knew that I still had feelings for my ex.

 

Eventually he reached out and just wanted to hang out. He went on a date with another girl so I thought he was moving on.

 

The other day he stopped by my house and left a rose in my mailbox. I don’t know how else to make it clear that I don’t want to date him. The problem is he is my son’s baseball coach so I need to see him at games. I want to be on friendly terms, but I don’t have any feelings for him.

 

I don’t want to hurt him again. I don’t think I ever led him on after we broke up. I was clear that it was over, and I still loved my ex. Any thoughts on how to approach this?

[preraph]

under the circumstances the only thing you can do is stop trying to be active friends with him and just decline going out at all and I think you should just let him know that you decided it wasn't a good idea and just be vague. He will just run other men off by hanging around so you don't want him hanging around. I don't think you should tell him we should just be friends. I think you should just tell him you've decided to move on. otherwise he's just going to think that once you're over your ex that you will run to him and he will be there to catch you. You might even tell him you have a new boyfriend. But the most important thing is decline all invitations and don't let him draw you into a personal conversation. Just leave it vague so he doesn't know your business. Just say you're busy.

[todreaminblue]

I feel honesty is the only right way to go

 

say to him with gentle firmness that you dont feel anything more than friendship for him ..... and even if you and your ex dont work out you would not expect or do you want him to wait for you because it will only be a stritly platonic friendship you could ever offer him.....

 

tell him he deserves to be with someone who will commit and love him like he would love them and then say ....i am not that woman for you, the woman you deserve to have by your side...and i want you to find that woman by not wasting your time with me......deb

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Cut all contact. You cannot be friends w/someone who is romantically interested in you.

[Blind-Sided]

Don't cut ties, because that's not what "Friends" do. Also, it could hurt your kids since he's the coach. But be firm, and let him know that you do not want a romantic relationship right now, but you are ok as friends, and to please not send flowers. (and so on)

 

 

In my younger life, I had a friend like that. I was chasing her, but she just wanted a guy to hang with. It took a while, but eventually, I understood, and everything was ok. We stayed friends until I moved to another state, years later.

[d0nnivain]

You don't really approach it. You were right. He wants more.

 

Most people will tell you to ghost. I am not a fan of that technique. It's cruel & leaves the other person wondering.

 

I would call him up & tell him that the rose was over the top. Remind him that you don't want to date him & that he agreed to be just friends. Then explain that friends don't give roses & because he crossed that line you are going to stop talking to him. Then you ignore him.

[gringoloco]

I have been in the shoes of this guy you dated very recently. As you know it is not very pleasant, and as for myself i wouldn’t want to be friends with the girl. There is one thing I don’t understand, what is the point of leaving because you still love your ex if you can’t be with your ex? I got given the same explanation but it doesn’t make any sens to me.

What was the trigger that made you want to end this if things were going well?

I would be curious to know how you ended things too. Did you tell him straight away you didn’t want to see him anymore?

[Redhead14]

He is an adult. It is not for you to manage his emotions. He is the one who is pursuing you now and, unless he's not bright, he understands that he may get rejected again. I don't really think you need to do anything right now. Don't acknowledge. The next time you see him, don't acknowledge the rose, be pleasant and all "biness". If he continues, call him and tell him you don't appreciate his continued efforts.

[Blanco]

under the circumstances the only thing you can do is stop trying to be active friends with him and just decline going out at all and I think you should just let him know that you decided it wasn't a good idea and just be vague. He will just run other men off by hanging around so you don't want him hanging around. I don't think you should tell him we should just be friends. I think you should just tell him you've decided to move on. otherwise he's just going to think that once you're over your ex that you will run to him and he will be there to catch you. You might even tell him you have a new boyfriend. But the most important thing is decline all invitations and don't let him draw you into a personal conversation. Just leave it vague so he doesn't know your business. Just say you're busy.

 

Precisely this. I'll admit to having been the guy in this position and it really is just better for everyone if you cut out any possible ways that he might interpret you're interested in anything more than a friendship. If he's got designs on anything more, a real friendship will never be possible.

[preraph]

^ Yes. And in this situation where he's right in the middle of a group of others who you know, it would be all too easy for him to give others the impression he and you are an item, to your detriment both socially and because it would run off any interested men. And this would be done intentionally to do just that, tell friends to try to pressure you and show you should be together, and run off other men. You can't pussyfoot around with this situation. You have to firmly say no and then avoid as much as possible. Don't tell him anything personal and if he persists, tell anyone who talks to him to please not share your info with him because it gives him ammo.

[snowcones]

He is an adult. It is not for you to manage his emotions. He is the one who is pursuing you now and, unless he's not bright, he understands that he may get rejected again. I don't really think you need to do anything right now. Don't acknowledge. The next time you see him, don't acknowledge the rose, be pleasant and all "biness". If he continues, call him and tell him you don't appreciate his continued efforts.

 

 

I agree. It's really not your job to do anything at all. You already ended it with him and told him why. You did what you had to do. Stop worrying about him and what he does. He'll figure it out and be fine.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Precisely this. I'll admit to having been the guy in this position and it really is just better for everyone if you cut out any possible ways that he might interpret you're interested in anything more than a friendship. If he's got designs on anything more, a real friendship will never be possible.

 

Yes as I said before, cut ties. I went on a date w/a guy and I wasn't interested in him romantically. When he contacted me again (via dating site, remade my account), I clearly stated we hang out as friends. I enjoyed spending time as friends w/him, but he wanted more. He was supposed to go on a training trip and invited me to come along. I thought it strange and weird as we would have been in the same hotel room. I turned down the offer and he was not happy at all.