Hopeless_romantic27 Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 I met a guy online, we spoke for 3 weeks before meeting up, then in the next 3 weeks had 5 dates, including one sleepover. Everything was beyond perfect, we both agreed we only wanted to date each other and neither of us had connected so well with someone before. He was talking about our future and told me I'd get on well with his friends. Our last date ended great, spoke about meeting up again and then the next day he told me he had had a freak out and needed time to think and wasn't sure if he was ready for another relationship, so didn't want to lead me on or waste my time. I don't understand why this was so sudden! I really like him and feel heartbroken over this. I know It was only short but we really connected! He was driving the pace then all of a sudden nothing. I admire his honesty but I really miss him, any thoughts? What should I do! Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 (edited) Hey OP, I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been there many times. You look out for you now because he cut you loose and is looking out for him. A lot of people out there don't sort themselves out before they go into dating and end up bringing a lot of baggage with them that results in them pulling back like this. Sometimes people go into dating to boost their confidence because they're insecure and getting attention gives them validation. Sometimes people rush into it to escape past heartbreak because they're terrified to be alone. Perhaps a returning ex or another woman could be the contributing factor. Could be he realized he wasn't ready to date because he wasn't over his past. In any case, whatever it is, there's no way for you to know for sure and there's nothing you can do here except respect his wishes and give him space. As of right now, you don't know if you'll hear from him again so you should proceed on the assumption that he is not coming back..for your sanity. Waiting will slowly damage you. I would, in my mind, give him the benefit of the doubt up to a certain period of time. Maybe a month. In the meantime leading up to that expiry date, don't reach out. If he ended this, it's up to him to reconnect. Do not try to become friends nor accept an offer of friendship with him either. It won't be genuine. Just do your best not to wait for him and keep him out of sight and out of mind so that you can disconnect yourself a little bit. If you haven't heard from him by the end of that month, delete his number and pull him off of your social media if you have him on it. You don't want to keep a person who broke your heart on social media so that you end up seeing him update his post-you life and of pictures and status updates with his friends and potential new partners that show how happy he is. It's going to make you feel horrible. - Beach Edited April 22, 2019 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 He said whatever he had to say to get you to sleep with him and now he's running so he doesn't have to follow through. See how easy it is to say whatever a woman wants to hear? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeless_romantic27 Posted April 22, 2019 Author Share Posted April 22, 2019 Thank you both for replying. Wow dating is hard! It's going to be so hard to trust and believe anyone again! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Don't let this make you suspicious & untrusting but do remember that trust is earned. Start from the idea that everybody is neutral, neither good nor bad. See how that behave. Be skeptical but not paranoid. Recognize that people who talk about the future too early are bad prospects. When you hear stuff like conversations about exclusivity & the future 5 dates in assume these are people who are not well grounded & take a step back. Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Sounds like he was Lovebombing you to get you to feel closer than you actually were, so he could get sex. All you can really do is learn the lesson that when things start off "perfect" as you described it, there's a chance it's too good to be true. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Had he recently broken up with someone when you met him? He said he wasn't sure if he was ready for another relationship, which suggests there's a former one not too far back in his midst. Perhaps she resurfaced or some such thing. It sucks, but I don't think there's anything you can do. This one is on him and he has indicated it won't be going further. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeless_romantic27 Posted April 22, 2019 Author Share Posted April 22, 2019 Thanks everyone, I feel really silly to have believed it all now! He's been single for about 18 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Classic "love-bombing." He sounds like a Cluster B nightmare. You dodged a bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
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