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I (26M) was her (21F) rebound. She's talking to me again after returning to her ex


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Old 16th April 2019, 12:06 AM   #1
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I (26M) was her (21F) rebound. She's talking to me again after returning to her ex

TLDR at bottom; questions in the last paragraph.



I (26M) fell in love with this girl (21F) about a year ago. I discovered she had a boyfriend at the time so I put the feelings away and looked for other people to date. We became decent friends, up until about 5 months ago when her boyfriend broke up with her in an extremely toxic way (calling her names over the phone, screaming at her etc). Part of the reason they broke up was because he was jealous of me. He's only 20 years old, and likely felt insecure about her hanging out with a slightly older dude. I've cultivated myself a lot through rock climbing, music, education and things like that, so part of me understands the jealousy; but I never made a move on her while she was in a relationship.

The night before the breakup, she came out with me and a bunch of our mutual friends for taco Tuesday. I could tell she was looking at me a bit differently that night, but I ignored it since I knew she was in a relationship. She made a few moves on me, mostly harmless, but I didn't reciprocate them at all. I ended up driving her home and that was that. The next day she told me about the breakup, and invited me over to "help build a table." We built it and she kept me over until about midnight when I decided I should leave. Before I could go she asked what I thought of her... One thing led to another and we ended up in a volatile two month relationship. Things were good for awhile, she said she was falling for me and never experienced someone like me before. Her boyfriend would hardly have sex with her, cook for her, or provide emotional support; all things I love to do. At this point I started to lose control of my emotions and fell for her.

Towards the end of the two months, lots of things happened, but she ended up having trouble choosing between me and her ex. Ultimately she went back to him, but was adamant about remaining friends. I told her it wouldn't work. Fast forward to New Years Eve, her bf is out of town and she comes out with me. She ends up saying she's choosing me and we made out all night. The next day she cut contact with me, saying we couldn't talk or be friends anymore because she cheated. That hurt a lot, but the forced no contact was a blessing.

However after four months, she contacts me again saying she misses me. I suspect she did this because she ended up kicking her boyfriend out of her apartment. Apparently they were at each other's throats and now the relationship is unstable but they're still together. A month ago she tricked me into enrolling for a class she happened to be in, and asked her boyfriend if we could be lab partners... lol. So now we're in lab together and see each other almost every day. I'd been through enough bull**** from her to get over the love, but I can tell those feelings are buried in me somewhere. I told her I could manage a cordial friendship, but she came at me saying that we could only be friends in an academic setting. She flirts occasionally, but she regularly brings up the boyfriend like it shouldn't bother me (more bull****). I act cool about it or ignore it, but I find myself thinking about her more than is healthy. We still have really good communication, and share a lot of humor. She doesn't want to hang out outside of class, and I understand why, but at the same time sh'es the one causing the situation for us talking to happen.

I don't know if I'm just being kept on the sidelines now that her relationship is sour, if she simply likes the drama, if she's just confused or all of the above. She told me doesn't want a full friendship out of class because she knows it would piss off her boyfriend. I'd rather have a real friendship or slow relationship with her, not this academic nonsense. I'm not about being used anymore but my mind still wanders to her, it's strange. I resent her but want her at the same time. Part of me wants to just talk to her in class and stick around in case she leaves the guy or falls for me again. Still, I'm open to meeting new people and know I should forget her, so why do I feel this way? It sounds shallow, but I think part of it is that we both agreed that sex between us was the best we've ever had. I've had various partners, and the intimacy with her was unlike any either of us have ever experienced, this was the main reason she had trouble choosing between us.

TLDR: Girl used me as rebound, went back to her ex, then cheated on him with me under the guise of choosing me. After cutting ties with me for four months, things went sour with her boyfriend and she kicked him out, but they're still together. She texted me after saying she missed me, and tricked me into taking a class with her. Now we see each other every day and I can't get my mind off her even though I resent her at the same time.
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Old 16th April 2019, 1:04 AM   #2
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If someone cheats with you they'll cheat on you. She has a basic character flaw.

Your feelings are a limerence fantasy of who you want her to be.

Staying in contact with this is a fools errand.

If you're smart you'll cut it off and block or suffer the consequences.

Wake up to reality

I get it. You're young and dont know any better but learn and gain wisdom from this.
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Old 16th April 2019, 2:26 AM   #3
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This girl has no respect for you, OP.

You're her place-filler when she's lacking attention from her boyfriend. She doesn't have the same feelings for you that you do for her, or she'd have canned the boyfriend a while ago and come to you. You're good for her ego but that's where it ends.

She's also a jerk for cheating, and then somehow convincing you to sign up for a class she's in so she can toy with you as her lab partner. And rub it in her boyfriend's face? That is not something a decent person does.

This won't end the way you hoped.
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Old 16th April 2019, 9:48 AM   #4
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Got the same age as you and I have been in that kind case a lot of time in my life and I don't go there anymore.

Rebound guy, girl cheating with boyfriend with me, Rebound of first love, FWB turn to rebound, Been cheated with a girl with her ex and other. All those types I have been there.

All I can say is it will burn you at the end and you know it. Let your ego on the side for one time and go find a girl that available.

If there one thing I learn about those types of girl is they quite manipulative, they will try to keep you on the side because you are a good catch and emotional support (ego boost),
they lie but not at the same time that why you believe them. They live their emotion at the moment, so what they say to you is true at the exact moment,
but they so much in deep **** that they don't think about the future anymore. So they follow their emotion day by day and not any logic at all.
One day they can say they love you and want to marry you and the next day they feel nothing at all and ghost you.

The big problem here is always the same, they are not emotionally available.
You can be the biggest catch and the best dude on the planet, but they want the toxic ex-boyfriend relationship so you will lose at the end whatever you do. And even if you win at the end she will do the same **** to you.

So begin the ghosting, distance yourself from her, don't start any conversation with her, if she texts you first you can be polite but nothing more keep it short, go see your friend and go out in a bar have fun and hit on others girls even if they say no, perfect your hobbies that you like to do. This will help you to break yourself from this circle of **** and if you don't do that you will end here on LS for a year trust me.

PS: Drop the course you don't need it anyways and why did you did that seriously.

After that if she calls you at 1-2AM for a booty call, you can accept it, have fun (nothing wrong with easy nice sex)
but the next morning you kick her out and you go back to distancing yourself. (Only if you have the will to do it and you have begun to see her flaw)

Last edited by Ddog; 16th April 2019 at 11:41 AM..
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Old 16th April 2019, 12:59 PM   #5
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In your third sentence you state that the whole affair started with you two being "decent friends". You never recovered this stage due to lack of alternatives from your part. Clearly she is not respecting you and most probably lies about anything to you, including sexual satisfaction.

She is not respecting both of you at this point, but you are the weakest part. He is staying at her place, while you cook for her, assembling tables, making homework and providing emotional support. You come out as a major beta. Cut ties ASAP, she is eating you alive with no remorce and you long passed the point of no return.
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