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Broke Up After 6 Years Together...


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 10th April 2019, 11:00 PM   #1
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Broke Up After 6 Years Together...

Hello,

I'm here because I would love some genuine advice. My boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me about a week ago because we were fighting way too much. We lived together for a lil over a year and everything was great until a few months ago. I'll try and keep the story short. A few months ago he went out with some of this coworkers to a bar. He told me it was going to be a guys night, which i was totally cool with. I was never a jealous gf with him because i thought i could rust him. Well that Friday night i get a call from one of his coworkers that he was wasted and couldn't drive. So she picked me up so i could take him home with his car. When i got there i noticed that some of his female coworkers were there, which he didn't tell me they were joining as well, she i was a lil mad just at the fact that he didn't tell me. Well I had this horrible feeling that i needed to check his phone. When i did i found a text message from him to one of his female coworkers and he was asking her to join. What pissed me off and made my sick to my stomach was that he called her "babe" and "baby" in the texts. She didn't call him that back, but i couldn't believe that the man i trusted was calling another woman "baby". He never called me "baby", only "babe". So of course i was LIVID and went off on him, which didn't do any good because he was so wasted he had no idea what i was talking about. He ended up going to his parents house that night and we talked and saw each other the next day. I told him he broke my heart saying that to her and asked him why he did it. He said he honestly didn't know why. Cut to a couple weeks ago, I could tell things were tense around us since then. He told me he didn't wanna go out or do anything because he didn't wanna take the chance of hurting me again, or me freaking out because he wasn't home at a certain time. We ended up braking up because I told him i could tell he was being distant with me and i wanted to know why. Instead of trying to talk things out with me he just broke up with me. Told me he wasn't happy anymore and that we couldn't do this anymore. He was tired of me accusing him of hooking up with this girl even tho he wasn't. I told him i wanted to build trust for him again, it's just going to take time, that i don't want us to end because of this especially if he didn't actually cheat on me. He told me we just need some time apart and that he didn't know if he wanted to get back together because he's afraid we'll still keep fighting. He then told me that "things are different now" and he just wants to be friends. That he will always be there for me whenever i need him. I keep asking him if the is a "break" or an actual "break up". He says it's hard for him to answer that because he still cares and loves me. He just keeps saying "it's too early to know what he wants", but then he says we will hang out soon because we have the same friends. I don't know what to do. I still love him so much and don't want to be with anyone else. We were not only a couple, but also each others best friends. I'm giving him his space in hopes he'll miss me and decide to try again. I'm asking for some honest advice because it's killing me not talking to him. I didn't just lose a boyfriend, but i also lost my best friend! What is the likelihood that he would want me back. Yes we fought a lot but neither of us ever cheated. Please help, i hear that if you give a guy some space and don't talk to him, he'll end up missing you and reach out to you. I just don't feel like that's how it'll be with him.
E_Lizzy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th April 2019, 11:46 PM   #2
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There may be MUCH MORE to this "coworker" situation. A man does not just ordinarily refer to a lady as BABE unless there is SOMETHING
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Old 11th April 2019, 12:55 AM   #3
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Yep, not buying this babe crap for a minute, especially in light of how quickly he was willing to break up a 6 year relationship. I think he has a thing for her regardless of the other circumstances surrounding it. Proceed as if this is a full breakup and you aren't getting back together.
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Old 11th April 2019, 2:57 AM   #4
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I think you unfortunately discovered that he does have feelings for someone else. Whether or not it's mutual is unclear.

Perhaps he's been denying it even to himself until he realized he wanted to actually explore what he's feeling. He couldn't risk doing so while you two were still together, as you'd just caught on to the fact that something was going on with him. The recent fighting might have been a symptom of him being emotionally conflicted or guilty for feeling the way he does for this other person.

Something similar happened to me, several years ago now. I inadvertently stumbled upon evidence that something was brewing between my then long-term, live-in boyfriend and a coworker of his. I'd had no idea until that moment. After I asked him to explain, he at first denied it and then later told me he wanted to end our relationship - though he claimed it wasn't because of her. I'd known something was up with him, but when I realized it was a third party, some of our own issues started to make more sense.

I'm really sorry, OP. Not all guys come back if you just give them space. He might, yes, but it's not a given. Also, even if he does, you two have a significant underlying problem - his heart and mind are not totally with you any longer.
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Old 11th April 2019, 7:17 PM   #5
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I agree with the views above - not sure if anything happened between them but if he could have, he would have IMO. Using that expression "babe" shows his head is not at all in a loyalty place. His ending things/attempting to detach from you under these circumstances also strongly indicates he's interested either in someone else or simply playing the field.

Pulling away often makes a partner become more emotionally attached, even if it's for all the wrong reasons. But I think you really need to try to look at his actions quite logically - and unfortunately it's all there.

One more piece of advice - you may love this guy right now, but I strongly believe that you should not marry him. In a way you are very lucky this side of him showed itself prior to any of that.

I have no doubt that this hurts terribly and you have my sympathies. There are times in life when you need to hold back your feelings and do what makes sense to do. Unfortunately you're in one of those situations now.


One more thing - if you've lost both a BF and a BFF in one - this is due to his actions, not yours. Really think that something has changed for him.

Last edited by mark clemson; 11th April 2019 at 7:20 PM..
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Old 15th April 2019, 3:10 AM   #6
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Good riddance!

He is not worth it. Obviously, you should not have trusted him. You did the correct thing by questioning him. He most likely was emotionally cheating. Sounds like he tried to put all blame on you- that's pathetic!

He sounds like my selfish ex. Good luck with your new life.
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