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Figuring it out

Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 28th March 2019, 9:54 AM   #1
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Figuring it out

Will try and keep this short.

Been with my gf for 1.5 years. I do love her, just the last few months have gotten difficult.
We met on line, both in our 40ís, Iím divorced close to 9 years, sheís been going through a divorce for over 3.
Sheís is a very cool girl, but i think she is dragging her feet with the divorce, which is none of my business. But she complains to me way way too much. She will go for an hour as soon as we see each other and she works 50-60 hours a week, so we do t see each other all that much. I donít tell her anything anymore, when i try to talk about my stuff, it instantly goes back to her and how her situation is worse than mine, so i donít say or tell her anything.
We got in an argument a month ago and she yelled at me, like very meanly, she was 7 cocktails into the evening, yes i drink but this night i saw where it was headed so i stopped after 2 beers. I never mentally recover from her yelling and the things she said and i feel i pulled away and i really donít want to go back.
I just donít know what to do, i want to just walk away but i also care about her wellbeing, depression from divorce, her 16 year old daughter moved to her fathers house, i donít know if Iíve ever seen her sober, she always smoking weed too. I e tried to talk to her and it changes for a bit then right back to her habits.
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Old 28th March 2019, 11:37 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by lastresort View Post
, i donít know if Iíve ever seen her sober, she always smoking weed too.
If you have never seen her sober you have to accept that she rarely is. Unless you are prepared to deal with this all the time for the rest of your life, you best realize that you loving her may not be enough.
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Old 28th March 2019, 11:40 AM   #3
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When someone drinks this badly, and repeatedly over this long a time, she's unlikely to ever change. Unless you want to stay with a drunk, angry partner?

If you want to give it a last chance, how about giving her a choice: "Your drinking and your verbal attacks on me really upset me. I think you need help (for the drinking, and the anger) so what are you going to do?"

If she says she will seek professional help, maybe stick with her, but if she doesn't follow through, I'd walk. I suspect she will resist getting help, so that might make your position clear quickly.
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Old 28th March 2019, 2:04 PM   #4
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Well... two huge red flags, her drinking and her teenage daughter choosing to live with her dad. I'm pretty certain as to why shes getting divorced...

My advice- stop, drop and roll out.
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Old 29th March 2019, 3:44 AM   #5
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Yeah , she's a real mess man.
l know all about how hard it all is l went through it , but we do have a choice and l spent 3 yrs alone sorting myself out and recovering.
She has a choice too , you had one , but she chooses this , and she doesn't sound like a very nice person either.
lt also doesnt sound like you guys get along very well either or can talk very well at all.
l sure wouldn't be holding my breath for her turning over a new leaf either it just doesn't sound like she could or wants too.
l really do get the guilt and concern but personally, Sorry but l think you should be making a gentle exit out of this .
There's so many big things about her l think you'll only keep getting what you've already got.
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Old 15th April 2019, 5:23 PM   #6
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Don't feel bad if you need to walk away. Some relationships aren't healthy and seeing this before they get too serious (marriage) is a blessing.
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