Confused about my ex-girlfriends behavior

[deadheart1]

my ex gf has been acting so out of character. ive been broken hearted for about 5 months now, our breakup was an arguement break up.\

 

she kept getting more and more mad everyday about little things it was starting to be hard to please her in anyway shape or form. it got to the point where she was always yelling and over talking me and when i tried to calm her down it made her ever more mad.

 

anyways so she dumped me.

 

now she goes out all the time, every weekend, and she drinks alot too. and i guess shes been talking bad about me to my friends and other people. trying to call me abusive and cheap and all sorts of names. i really dont understand it.

 

ive begged and cried and helped her out and done everything i possibly can to save our relationship , i even tried going to a councellor and begged her to go , but she wouldnt.

 

and it was wierd. like she didnt care all of a sudden at all, like meh its no big deal that im ending my 10 year relationship. shrugged , thats how she acted. while i was having a panic attack shes just looking at me like smirking like in a sadistic way.

 

i guess what i want to know is why dumpers become so cold and heartless, i get that she doesnt want to be with me, but its almost like shes rubbing it in my face. shes left bread crumbs a few times. she even came over and said she wanted to work on things, but that never happened, because she disappeared all of a sudden again and wouldnt answer any texts about working on things.

 

seriously sucks having a broken heart. all i want is my family back. my ex follows this pattern almost like she cannot control her actions. ive seen her do this before beause she dumped me years ago aswell.

 

its like she finds some life style that she becomes addicted too. then all the voices in her head draw her in , and then she shuts me out completely. the only time now when she even talks to me is when she wants money or a ride and thats when shes nice. if i am unavailible when she needs me she gets really angry and makes you feel like crap.

 

going back to our first break up and getting back together. i remember her saying that 'she new what she was doing was wrong' but she just couldnt stop her self. i think shes doing cocaine again. and found a guy who probably feeds it to her.

 

thats basically what happened the first time. but not much i can do, women dont seem to want good men anymore.

 

they only want the men who dont want them. its messed up. im just trying to get my power back because once im over her i know someone way better will come around. i know i deserve better. i think the worst part is watching someone you love ruin their life and they dont want to be stopped, but eventually they will see and come back, hopefully when she does if she does ill be strong enough to say no.

 

sorry for long post im just venting/looking to see if anyone else has been through similar situation?

[d0nnivain]

Part of this is you still knowing what she's up to. However you are getting your info about her -- the going out, the drinking, the talking about you -- shut yourself off from that source. Delete all social media & tell any friends who are supplying you with info that you'd rather live in blissful ignorance.

[ExpatInItaly]

i think shes doing cocaine again. and found a guy who probably feeds it to her.

 

You cannot claim that women don't want good men anymore when you also suspect she is using drugs again, OP. This isn't about what "women" want or not; it's about your ex's toxic behaviour.

 

You need to be careful in assuming all women are as dysfucntional as your ex. We are not. It's true you had the misfortune of finding one who is, but making sweeping generalizations is only going to allow you to paint yourself as a victim and keep you emotional hostage with your ex.

 

Now is the time to take your power back and ask yourself why you have allowed this to go on. Find out what is inside you that is attracted to drama of this level. That is how you'll be able to say no to her should she resurface.

 

You said you wanted your family back - do you have children together? If so, where are the kids now?

[Commongoal123]

She might have a touch, if not full blown, Cluster B personality disorder. I.e. -- Borderline, Histrionic, Antisocial, Narcissistic.

 

The smirk while you are crying and having a panic attacknos a dead giveaway. Look up "narcissistic smirk"

 

Shes a ground apple. There are way better women out there.

[shydad]

i guess what i want to know is why dumpers become so cold and heartless

I believe it to be a coping mechanism. They don't want to feel powerless, and this is a way of feeling like they are in control of the situation.

women dont seem to want good men anymore.

Nah, don't say that. Most people want someone "good". Not everyone is capable of seeing goodness in others, though. Some people have troubled minds, and can only see bad things. This must be brutal for you. I know the feeling, and it will eventually pass. It may take years for you, given the length of the relationship, but the feeling of hurt will pass.

looking to see if anyone else has been through similar situation?

Yep, over four years ago. A seven year marriage took 3.5 years to get over. So 50% of the marriage length... Sorry! I hope it's not so long for you.

[solodolo]

i went through the same thing, pretty close, yeah my ex came back too not to long ago and said she wanted to work on things , then bailed, became distant , hot and cold and hot and cold. i cant say all women , but the majority of them dont seem to know what they want. i kinda studied a certain type of woman, the one who comes from a blended below average family(in the hood)or( poor parenting) or ( parents always working) and who is often the baby. it seems like they have two options, either to break the chain and better their lives, which is the hard way, or find a man to carry them to the next level. and if you get tired of carrying them they will replace you.

 

as for time together it doesnt seem to matter to these people, you could spend every waking moment laughing and loving, and the moment something doesnt go right they disappear and play the victim, your ex sounds like one of em, my advice. let her ruin her life,come back. then tell her to F off