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-   -   Is this fixable? (https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/680007-fixable)

Kitkat0422 14th March 2019 11:47 PM

Is this fixable?
 
My ex and I were together for almost 3 years (both of us are 20 in college).
In the last 4 months of our relationship I had lost that spark so our relationship wasnt very sexal. We had arguments and we both started prioritizing other things but we still said I love you, do nice things for each other, and went out.
The breakup: the week before our offical breakup he tells me he is unhappy in our relationship. I asked if he wanted to be together, if he loved me, and if he wanted to work on things. He said yes. The next few days I was sad, he told me I was over reacting because “everything is okay, just be youself, and I love you.” I showered him in affection that whole week. That next friday, he has me meet him at his car. When I got there he said he had been red in the face crying. He said he wanted to break up because he loved me but not in love and doesnt know why. He said hes been thinking about it for a while. Now he wants us to move on and be friends. However, it was a 2 hour ordeal and us crying talking about missing eachother and how weve changed eachother over the years and me begging. He said he doesnt know what he is feeling, he hates his family, life and this situation sucks. And he said he was recommended by a friend to not call it a break.
3 days later I sent him a letter saying a. I was sorry for my part in this and I want to be better b. I would love to one day rekindle everything. He seemed appreciative of it.
A mutual friend tells me he is sad, confused, and called it a break to him.
I tried so hard to go into no contact but we still follow each other on social media and he has some pictures of me with sweet captions still up.
10 days later I ended up calling him when I wasnt crying and dead inside anymore. I gave him a sincere apology for neglecting his sexual needs, I knew I made him feel rejected and I was sorry. He said it wasnt just my fault. We had a positive talk, he was very kind. At the end he said he wasnt sure how he feels and is “comfortable where he is at.” It concluded with him saying in a few weeks we’ll go to the beach together. A few hours later he texted me just asking for advice on something small and we joked with each other. And we havent reached out since.
Where should I go from here? Am I giving myself false hope or are these really mixed signs? Should I not initiate again for a while? Do you think I should just believe what he said in the car and move on?
Thank you for reading all this – I know it was super long

ExpatInItaly 15th March 2019 3:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat0422 (Post 7758994)
Do you think I should just believe what he said in the car and move on?

Yes, to both parts of the question.

Unfortunately, romances that start in our teens often fizzle out this way as we enter adulthood. Our wants and needs change, and we generally aren't experienced enough yet to commit to one person for a long time.

I would keep your distance and not count on a beach trip any time soon. It will be too painful as you realize he sees it as a friendly outing and peace offering, while you will be hoping it means more than he intended it to.

It hurts, but with real time and space away from him, you will slowly start to feel better again.

d0nnivain 15th March 2019 7:22 AM

No it's not fixable. For you to be able to fix it, there has to be something that you broke or did wrong. It's not about you. His feelings changed.

I fear part of it is you have been together for 3 years. You are all the other one knows of college. He sees graduation looming next year & adulthood beyond that. He's probably afraid that after being together so long, it will be "expected" that you get engaged then married soon & that is freaking him out.

When he says he wants to be friends even if he thinks he means it, what he is really after is two fold: 1). not being able to process the idea of never again speaking to someone who was once so important to him and 2). no drama if you see each other around campus. He is not looking for something where you hang out & routinely talk about your lives. Besides if you do that you will give him too much of your free time & not have the chance to meet a new guy. Even if you do meet a new guy, that guy won't tolerate your EX hanging around.


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