Heartbreak and my experience

[blueoctober]

Recently, my relationship ended. We were together for six months, and we were dating since April of last year. I hope no one judges the length of the time we were together, because it really felt like I have known this person for years and it hurts just as much as having broken up with someone who has been in a relationship for longer.

 

This is the most heartbreak I have felt. Every part of me feels weary and melancholy lately. It had been almost two and a half weeks without contact, until today when I called him by *67 because he blocked my number and my profile on Facebook. Why? Because my sister told him to stop contacting me. He asked her what if I were to contact him first, and she said to cease all communication. She, along with others in my life who cared about me, were looking out for my health and wellbeing. They had started to see that my relationship with him and his insecurities and behavior towards me had taken a huge toll on my health.

 

See, I was hospitalized the first week of February last month for suicidal ideation. Part of that reason was because of my relationship problems and I wasn't strong enough to bear it any longer. Yes, he was not an ideal lover, in fact harsh and cruel at times. My sister and everyone around me saw this. My therapists, as well. Yet, despite all of this, I have this unshakeable feeling that he is my soulmate. Everyone around me thinks I am crazy for thinking that still. I just think I am in love, and deeply.

 

Sometimes I am not sure what to think. I don't know if he ever truly loved me or if he did and was too insecure. Today, I felt as though he was ready to move on from everything. Either way, everything I do and every single second of the day I am reminded of him and I can't put into words this feeling I have of pain and melancholy...yearning...depression...sheer heartache. I can't escape it.

 

I am reaching out here in a desperate attempt to connect to others who have had their hearts broken and have been in this position. It's constant pain, and no one seems to understand. Sometimes all I want is to run to him and be in the cozy warmth of his room, laying down beside him once more. I can't take this heartbreak...it has hit me harder this week.

[Lone Blue]

I know it hurts. I feel your pain. I’m going through heartbreak, too, but know this: your life is precious.

 

It may not feel like it now, but you will get through this. Journal. Keep seeing your therapists. Get on medication if need be. Exercise. Read. Focus on your career. Do whatever it takes to make you feel like you again.

 

Now I’m not going to lie to you. It’s not going to be easy. You’ll have days you’ll fall and relapse, but you need to make the conscious decision to let go. Whatever will happen will happen, but you can’t have that happen if you’re still focused on an outcome that may or may not come.

 

NC, NC, NC for your health. Only through time will you heal, and when you heal or if life hands you a lemon, deal with it then. For now, the only love you should focus on is the one you need to give yourself. Sending you lots of good wishes.

[blueoctober]

Thank you for your words. It's the encouragement I really need. I will keep reminding myself of this. I just feel so lost at sea in the moment, I forget everything else.

[Lone Blue]

Something that helps me is surrounding myself with affirmations. I know it may sound silly, but get a Pinterest and make a board of kicking butt quotes. Read them every day. Believe me - eventually you’ll have a day that you start believing that you can do what those affirmations say you can do!

[blueoctober]

I have Pinterest boards, too. I think I want to remember to journal too. Sometimes I am too depressed to remember to do these things, like today. I had my period too, so that's been adding to all of this emotionality.