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she came back then ghosted me?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 9th March 2019, 2:55 PM   #1
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Arrow she came back then ghosted me?

so my ex has been bobbing in and out hot and cold for like 5 or 6 months now. things have been a disaster since. i failed school from the stress and even lost my job. nothings been going good for me at all.

i cant explain what would be going through my exes mind, its almost like she found "her heroin" and caused the mass change in her life, something that shes persuing or someone , not really sure. either way she left me and our little family, turned into this different person. someone whos gone back to the bar scene/spot light and broke up her family.

i tried many times to reconcile or everything really. but she just would not listen. her mind was made up. suddenly she was fed up. fed up with all these reasons that really didnt even happen. like she made up stories in her head and then started believing them and then threw them at me. and the more i denied things the more angry she would get. it came out of no where , but the last 2 weeks before she dumped me she was out drinking more and more frequently. to the point where she was coming home at like 4 in the morning.

maybe she was bored , maybe she didnt want a family or to "settle down" any more, she did start hanging out with her single friends lots , mainly one of them. and who knows maybe she liked the idea of not having responsibility or the idea of being able to do what ever she wants. either way. it really ruined my life and left it in pieces. i know my kids are confuesed even my exes side of the family is confuesed.

i talked to her mom quite a bit and she said that every time they try to talk to her about whats going on she gets extremley angry and wont talk or kicks them out of the house. and she blocked and deleted all of her family off the internet, almost like shes cutting all ties so that no one can judge her actions.

to be honest i think shes probably trying to be with another man whos not fully interested and so shes keeping me on the side if things dont work out. but who knows really. i think its messed up to suddenly end your 9 year relationship with out even talking about it or trying to go to councelling or anything. thats a huge decision to make you know?

so anyways this post . she actually did come and say that she wants to work on things the other day. but she says she doesnt think she can, never really gave a reason why, just beat around the bush, i think shes either giving me false hope to keep me chasing or shes struggling with an internal battle. of choosing a freedom life or a family life.

any woo she completley ghosted me now and wont talk to me at all , smh.
has anyone else dealt with ghosting or has anyone ever ghosted before?

why did you do it?
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Old 9th March 2019, 3:02 PM   #2
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Of greater concern is that your degree of devastation is so great that it cost you your job and school.
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Old 9th March 2019, 3:35 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Normm View Post
Of greater concern is that your degree of devastation is so great that it cost you your job and school.
well more or less my schooling i definatly failed because of it, i think my job didnt hire me back because i didnt perform at school. but it is pretty gut wrenching, my living situation is so messed up. im on ei. i have no where to put my stuff or my kids stuff. my ex acts like this is a game. she even told me that this is all my fault and i did it to myself.

i just cant figure out where i went wrong, im an average guy, i worked hard every day, i take care of my kids and support my family. yeah we lived bit of a routine life, but it wasnt going to be like that forever. i was just trying to work on my career so that i could give us a better life, and now things took a turn for the worse and it sucks being ghosted because its like it doesnt matter what i said , she wont open up and tell me her feelings, or whats going on , and i know that she doesnt have to anymore because we arnt together, but you'd think someone who loved me for so long would atleast beable to lessen the blow a bit for me.
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Old 9th March 2019, 4:07 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by solodolo View Post
so my ex has been bobbing in and out hot and cold for like 5 or 6 months now. things have been a disaster since. i failed school from the stress and even lost my job. nothings been going good for me at all.

i cant explain what would be going through my exes mind, its almost like she found "her heroin" and caused the mass change in her life, something that shes persuing or someone , not really sure. either way she left me and our little family, turned into this different person. someone whos gone back to the bar scene/spot light and broke up her family.

i tried many times to reconcile or everything really. but she just would not listen. her mind was made up. suddenly she was fed up. fed up with all these reasons that really didnt even happen. like she made up stories in her head and then started believing them and then threw them at me. and the more i denied things the more angry she would get. it came out of no where , but the last 2 weeks before she dumped me she was out drinking more and more frequently. to the point where she was coming home at like 4 in the morning.

maybe she was bored , maybe she didnt want a family or to "settle down" any more, she did start hanging out with her single friends lots , mainly one of them. and who knows maybe she liked the idea of not having responsibility or the idea of being able to do what ever she wants. either way. it really ruined my life and left it in pieces. i know my kids are confuesed even my exes side of the family is confuesed.

i talked to her mom quite a bit and she said that every time they try to talk to her about whats going on she gets extremley angry and wont talk or kicks them out of the house. and she blocked and deleted all of her family off the internet, almost like shes cutting all ties so that no one can judge her actions.

to be honest i think shes probably trying to be with another man whos not fully interested and so shes keeping me on the side if things dont work out. but who knows really. i think its messed up to suddenly end your 9 year relationship with out even talking about it or trying to go to councelling or anything. thats a huge decision to make you know?

so anyways this post . she actually did come and say that she wants to work on things the other day. but she says she doesnt think she can, never really gave a reason why, just beat around the bush, i think shes either giving me false hope to keep me chasing or shes struggling with an internal battle. of choosing a freedom life or a family life.

any woo she completley ghosted me now and wont talk to me at all , smh.
has anyone else dealt with ghosting or has anyone ever ghosted before?

why did you do it?
Don't let Normm's comment make you feel like there's something wrong with you.

Yes, it is concerning that this affected you in a way where your lost your job and failed school.

Understandably so. You were together for 9 years. If it were 9 months I'd say this would be a much bigger deal.

She can't have a "freedom life" anymore. That ship has sailed. She is in denial and it sounds like she also has addiction problems that are ****ing her head right up.

It also sounds like she made a really terrible mistake while drunk one night and can't face it, so she is projecting her anger at herself towards you.

Regardless, I've never ghosted anyone that I was with for a really long time. Hell, not even someone I met and dated in person before.

I think people ghost because they don't want to own their own ****. It's easier to just run from it. The thing is, you can't run from your own ****. The pile just gets bigger and eventually catches up on you and it weighs you down.

Focus on your child. Love them, and let their love for you be enough for now.
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Old 9th March 2019, 4:33 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by Commongoal123 View Post
Don't let Normm's comment make you feel like there's something wrong with you.

Yes, it is concerning that this affected you in a way where your lost your job and failed school.

Understandably so. You were together for 9 years. If it were 9 months I'd say this would be a much bigger deal.

She can't have a "freedom life" anymore. That ship has sailed. She is in denial and it sounds like she also has addiction problems that are ****ing her head right up.

It also sounds like she made a really terrible mistake while drunk one night and can't face it, so she is projecting her anger at herself towards you.

Regardless, I've never ghosted anyone that I was with for a really long time. Hell, not even someone I met and dated in person before.

I think people ghost because they don't want to own their own ****. It's easier to just run from it. The thing is, you can't run from your own ****. The pile just gets bigger and eventually catches up on you and it weighs you down.

Focus on your child. Love them, and let their love for you be enough for now.
your right, that totally makes sense, i can see her running from problems when i stand back and look at it, its like she has a problem admiting her faults, mistakes or that shes wrong in anyway shape or form. not only towards me but towards everyone, and it seems as though she found her escape by cutting out anyone and everyone who she either has to confront , who she has some problem or unresolved issues with, like her family.

yea i also believe that she probably cheated on me one night she was out and will never admit it, she definatly ended things with me in a cowardly way. she cheated on me early in our relationship and i forgave her many years ago. so its possible that she did it again. its like some people have a really hard time being loyal or commited. especially if you have a family. they make it seem like they are missing out on so much. but what happens in 10 years? were both 29 usually this is the age when you usually DO settle down and start a family, yeah we started young so maybe shes trying to get those missed years back? what ever the reason maybe. shes hiding it from me.

the denial thing is so true to, she said it was 100% my fault, so i dono. its messed up, she went from a family orientated mom to a night club party cold hearted chick over night.
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Old 9th March 2019, 4:57 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by solodolo View Post
your right, that totally makes sense, i can see her running from problems when i stand back and look at it, its like she has a problem admiting her faults, mistakes or that shes wrong in anyway shape or form. not only towards me but towards everyone, and it seems as though she found her escape by cutting out anyone and everyone who she either has to confront , who she has some problem or unresolved issues with, like her family.

yea i also believe that she probably cheated on me one night she was out and will never admit it, she definatly ended things with me in a cowardly way. she cheated on me early in our relationship and i forgave her many years ago. so its possible that she did it again. its like some people have a really hard time being loyal or commited. especially if you have a family. they make it seem like they are missing out on so much. but what happens in 10 years? were both 29 usually this is the age when you usually DO settle down and start a family, yeah we started young so maybe shes trying to get those missed years back? what ever the reason maybe. shes hiding it from me.

the denial thing is so true to, she said it was 100% my fault, so i dono. its messed up, she went from a family orientated mom to a night club party cold hearted chick over night.
I'm so sorry man. I have felt a lot of emotional pain when it comes to **** like this, but not as long as 9 years, nor was there ever a child involved. Regardless, I feel like I know what you're going through in my own way, and you have my compassion and empathy.

You guys have a kid together, right? So she will have to come around eventually. And by "come around" I mean "un-ghost" you.

Regarding her total 180 in personality overnight, addiction will do that. So will mental illness. And a lot of it shows up in late 20s/early 30s. (look it up on peer reviewed psychology papers online). Usually substance abuse and mental illness are comorbid. They occur together.

Try not to figure it out. Keep taking a step back and looking at this situation objectively and you'll be out of the forest and will be able to see it for the trees. Keep doing that as best as you can.

Although I am sure you're imperfect, YOU didn't go wrong anywhere. She did. You sound like a really responsible guy. Don't take responsibility for what is hers to own.
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Old 9th March 2019, 8:58 PM   #7
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yeah it hurts pretty bad. yeah we a babys n step kids, we were a legit family, built from the bottom up.i dont know if you have ever herd of the movie temptation, its from tyler perry, i kind of feel like thats whats happening, it seems like theres a certain type of person who cannot avoid lust or '' wild life" its just complicated, the worst part is being ignored though, we were so close, like we were one person. i love her so much, and she knows it , maybe it hurts her seeing that im hurt so she disappears? and maybe it hurts her staying with me because she feels like she didnt love me the way i loved her , so she left. either way im broken. i wish my life would stop falling apart
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Old 9th March 2019, 9:56 PM   #8
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You aren't broken, she is. Don't absorb her problems and shortcomings as your own due to her actions.

I know it's easier said and seen because I'm not in your situation and am looking at it from the outside.... but her actions speak more about her than they do you.

And judging by her actions in cutting so many people off, she's going to hit a wall pretty soon and have nothing.

My take is that her ghost will be reborn in your life soon enough. At which point you'll need to make decisions that are best for you and your children.

I'm sorry man. And I wish you the best. Sending you positive thoughts.
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