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It hurts.


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 1st March 2019, 8:30 AM   #1
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It hurts.

I don't know how to start. Actually I don't want to share my story with my ex. I want to share my pain and I feel stupid for wanted to share it here, because I have great people in my life who support me, but I'm overwhelmed with my emotions.
I miss him so damn much, it's been 11 days since we break up. The first days... I don't know, I was maybe numb and I was okay, but then my emotions and feelings hit me hard. I know break ups are not the end of our lifes, but I hate it. The emptiness, how much you miss the other person...
I force myself do to things, to distract myself, but I can't. He's not a bad person and the difference with my previous break ups is that I don't feel any anger towards him. I just can't believe how... someone was all day in your life, talking every day, share things, beautiful moments and... they are gone.
Time will tell if we will get back together, but I hate it. Days are slow, I don't want to do anything, but this is a destructive behaivor and I know that... I know it will take time to heal, but I hate it. I miss him every minute, every f*cking day. A want to be with him again, but you can't force a person to be with you, you have to let them go, but it hurts so much....

All the silent questions, the guilt...

Last edited by rosebg; 1st March 2019 at 8:35 AM..
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Old 1st March 2019, 8:38 AM   #2
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You're saying all the right things. It's healthy and part of the process. Keep trying to do things you enjoy, reach out to people who care (like us) and look forward. As you may have read here, a lot of people are going through the slow days, pain and sadness that you're going through. You're not alone. Take care.
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Old 1st March 2019, 9:33 AM   #3
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Grieving the loss of the relationship is part of the healing process. You are doing & saying all the right things. Feel what you feel but do keep putting one foot in front of the other by going to work & school.

Hang in there.
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Old 1st March 2019, 9:59 AM   #4
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It's just so... hard. I know there are many people in my situation, but it's so hard. I didn't contact him the first week, but 2-3 days go I was overwhelmed from my feelings, so I texted him, saying that I think of him and hope he is okay. He replied, then we continue to talk and then I stopped replying. The next day I was feeling sad, so I texted him again, saying that it makes me sad that we are no longer together, he said that he is sad too, but he thinks, because of our fights, that is better this way for the moment. I tried do talk with him about that, but he says that one week is very early to tell that we both learn for our mistakes. Although, he said we shoud not think like we are never gonna be together again, time will tell and he's happy I didn't get rid off his presents. I don't know if I made mistake, telling him I want to be with him, that I was hoping in the future he'll change his mind and in a way he'll be always special to me. Btw, when we break up he thought we could be friends, but 2-3 days go, after we chat he said it's hard for him too to talk with me like a friend. He told me that he thought it would be easy, but he was wrong. Don't know what to think or do.

I know there are plenty other guys, but right now I don't want anybody else. I planned not to contact him, give him space, give me time, but every day I miss him more. When we were together... I felt peace, I felt safe, warmed... we could talked for hours and never get bored of each other. We were together for 6-7 months and now... he's gone.
I don't want to remove him out of my life, I didn't remove him from social media, we both keep our pictures together, but I don't know. I'm struggling not to check his social profiles, but I failed.
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Old 1st March 2019, 11:04 AM   #5
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The reason people advise NC is because it helps. When you stay connected on social media, when you look at his profile, when you look at pictures from happier times when you were together, all you do is pick at the wound of your broken heart & make it bleed more.

You don't have to throw the stuff out but unfriend him, save the pictures to a thumb drive or the cloud & box up the presents. Out of sight, a bit more out of mind.

This nonsense about needing time apart to possibly come back together in the future is bogus. When problems arise in a relationship you need to work together. It's one thing to take a day or two to cool down after a fight but these "breaks" are just false hope.
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Old 2nd March 2019, 10:26 AM   #6
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Your texts are just going to confuse the situation. I know, I've done it. At some point maybe will become never and you'll move on. Work towards that. If you were meant to be friends that will come later. For now, stay healthy. GL
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Old 2nd March 2019, 9:53 PM   #7
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[QUOTE=rosebg;7748291]I don't know how to start. Actually I don't want to share my story with my ex. I want to share my pain and I feel stupid for wanted to share it here, because I have great people in my life who support me, but I'm overwhelmed with my emotions.


My Partner broke up with me 5 months ago after 4 years and I am still sad and even cry some days. They tell me it will take almost 2 years to get over her. I have been in NC For 52 days. It hurts like hell. I know she is hurting bad too. Just keep the faith and don't contact him. Let him miss you
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Old 2nd March 2019, 10:36 PM   #8
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Worth a shot? Just be sure to follow the package directions carefully as it can be dangerous if you don't...

Tylenol for emotional pain
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Old 16th March 2019, 4:16 AM   #9
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Hey, guys! A little update.
So, we've got back together from one week now. He said he wanted to be with me, but he didn't want to fight with me in every 2 days. Anyway, it's been... okay. We haven't fight, we haven't talked about why we break up really, I try to talk with him, but he didn't want to talk very much about that.
So... the problem now is... I don't know, I know we are fresh, after all it's been only a week, but I don't feel his priority. I don't know if this is normal, so I need your advice. I don't know if this is only in my head and I don't want to cause problems and rush things. For this one week we saw each other for... 2-3 days, because he works 2/2, lack of money and etc. But I don't know... I don't feel much okay. I don't show him, he doesn't know how I feel for many reasons. I don't want to rush things and I don't wan to talk with him about that over the phone, on social medias.
I'm really confused, I don't want to messed things up, so I need your advices.
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Old 16th March 2019, 8:11 AM   #10
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You may not feel like you are not a priority because you/he are avoiding talking about negative painful things.

Avoidance hinders intamacy and connection.

He sounds like he loves you.
You both sound like you dont know what to do.

I do think plunging into the nagatives now would be a mistake.

Take a positive rapport, and intimacy building approach.

Read a book together, attend a marriage or relationship workshop. Maybe at your parish. They are often free. There are relationship building exercises that can be very beneficial.

Learn to identify each others needs. The root causes of your fights, and how to fight fair.

You should work on harmonizing your differences not changing the other person, or winning a power struggle.

There is alot of ground you can cover without mucking through old arguments and pain for now.

How can you guys make the relationship good for both of you.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got.

My best to you both.
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Old 16th March 2019, 9:23 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rosebg View Post
Hey, guys! A little update.
So, we've got back together from one week now. He said he wanted to be with me, but he didn't want to fight with me in every 2 days. Anyway, it's been... okay. We haven't fight, we haven't talked about why we break up really, I try to talk with him, but he didn't want to talk very much about that.
So... the problem now is... I don't know, I know we are fresh, after all it's been only a week, but I don't feel his priority. I don't know if this is normal, so I need your advice. I don't know if this is only in my head and I don't want to cause problems and rush things. For this one week we saw each other for... 2-3 days, because he works 2/2, lack of money and etc. But I don't know... I don't feel much okay. I don't show him, he doesn't know how I feel for many reasons. I don't want to rush things and I don't wan to talk with him about that over the phone, on social medias.
I'm really confused, I don't want to messed things up, so I need your advices.
If the issue(s) that led to a break/breakup in the first place have not been resolved, it's only a matter of time before it's a problem again. I know getting back together feels good right now, but it sounds like you're already uneasy, perhaps because nothing really got resolved. If that's the case, then you either need to work together to resolve it or end it. Otherwise, you're just kicking the can down the road as it regards to ultimately parting ways.
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Old 16th March 2019, 9:25 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rosebg View Post
I don't know how to start. Actually I don't want to share my story with my ex. I want to share my pain and I feel stupid for wanted to share it here, because I have great people in my life who support me, but I'm overwhelmed with my emotions.
I miss him so damn much, it's been 11 days since we break up. The first days... I don't know, I was maybe numb and I was okay, but then my emotions and feelings hit me hard. I know break ups are not the end of our lifes, but I hate it. The emptiness, how much you miss the other person...
I force myself do to things, to distract myself, but I can't. He's not a bad person and the difference with my previous break ups is that I don't feel any anger towards him. I just can't believe how... someone was all day in your life, talking every day, share things, beautiful moments and... they are gone.
Time will tell if we will get back together, but I hate it. Days are slow, I don't want to do anything, but this is a destructive behaivor and I know that... I know it will take time to heal, but I hate it. I miss him every minute, every f*cking day. A want to be with him again, but you can't force a person to be with you, you have to let them go, but it hurts so much....

All the silent questions, the guilt...

I am sorry, I know exactly how you are feeling. I am going through the same emotions. It's why I joined this forum, because I did not want to feel alone in this. It's already so difficult. I, too, have family and friends who are helping me through it. There is so much guilt and melancholy. I can't escape it. But my therapist and others have always told me we must go through things to get out of them.

I wish the best for your recovery at this time of heartbreak. It's so difficult. I've been broken up with once before and it was hard, but this one feels all the worse, and it has even before we broke up.

I find that writing about it helps, even on here. Talking about it on the phone or to someone else so it doesn't have to live inside you, also helps.

Best wishes.
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Old 16th March 2019, 10:08 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by rosebg View Post
It's just so... hard. I know there are many people in my situation, but it's so hard. I didn't contact him the first week, but 2-3 days go I was overwhelmed from my feelings, so I texted him, saying that I think of him and hope he is okay. He replied, then we continue to talk and then I stopped replying. The next day I was feeling sad, so I texted him again, saying that it makes me sad that we are no longer together, he said that he is sad too, but he thinks, because of our fights, that is better this way for the moment. I tried do talk with him about that, but he says that one week is very early to tell that we both learn for our mistakes. Although, he said we shoud not think like we are never gonna be together again, time will tell and he's happy I didn't get rid off his presents. I don't know if I made mistake, telling him I want to be with him, that I was hoping in the future he'll change his mind and in a way he'll be always special to me. Btw, when we break up he thought we could be friends, but 2-3 days go, after we chat he said it's hard for him too to talk with me like a friend. He told me that he thought it would be easy, but he was wrong. Don't know what to think or do.

I know there are plenty other guys, but right now I don't want anybody else. I planned not to contact him, give him space, give me time, but every day I miss him more. When we were together... I felt peace, I felt safe, warmed... we could talked for hours and never get bored of each other. We were together for 6-7 months and now... he's gone.
I don't want to remove him out of my life, I didn't remove him from social media, we both keep our pictures together, but I don't know. I'm struggling not to check his social profiles, but I failed.
My ex-boyfriend and I were together for 6-7 months as well and it huts me just as much as if I were with him for years. What ended up happening was my sister saw how damaging the relationship was and interceded. He ended up blocking me from conventional routes of communication (e.g., Facebook, iMessage, my phone number) because he feared that I'd contact him and he would engage in it. I had been no contact for about two weeks until this week when I called him. Worst idea ever, because now I've been depressed for 2-3 days where last week I was feeling more empowered.

I have the same feelings. I always say to myself that him and I were so compatible, we liked literally the same things and we were so similar and I liked to think we completed each other. I know in my heart he's my soulmate, which makes it all the more difficult. It's funny you say that you feel like you could talk to him for hours...I felt the same exact way about him.

Perhaps all we can think about right now are the good times. My therapist and those around me tell me that I couldn't see the damage my relationship and he had on me because I was in it and I am only thinking of the good times. I remind myself about that constantly so I don't start missing him and wanting to call him again (despite being blocked)...where there's a will there's a way...unfortunately, sometimes.

I think I echo what everyone else is saying here when I say No Contact is the best way to move on and heal from this. I really wish you the best.
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Old 16th March 2019, 11:32 PM   #14
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I feel like I can relate to what you're going through.

Although my bf and I have a unique challenge--we have an extreme age gap.

But we were together 6 months, and ridiculously happy.

I am the one who broke it off because he became distant, and it seemed to happen all of a sudden. And when he tried to talk to me about the issues he was having, he just made me more confused..our communication was WAY off.

I felt, like you, that he wasn't making me a priority.

Like you, my ex talked in our last convo about us being friends still. I told him I wasn't sure if I could do that.

At the end, there was no animosity. I bawled my eyes out on the phone with him. He told me I was lovely. And wonderful. And I said similar complimentary things about him.

The next morning after talking, I felt exactly like you. THis awful pain..missing him so much. Felt like I made a mistake.

I sent him an apology letter and asked if we could touch base in a week..2 weeks..whenever we're ready.

So now I am giving him space. I did NOT delete him on Facebook. Fortunately, he doesn't post much, so I hardly ever look at his page. And I've successfully managed NOT to keep checking his online messenger time.

I would love nothing more than to take him back. But I don't know if he wants that. I don't even know if us getting back together is the best thing for us.

I am still very confused about his behavior before I broke up with him.

So I figure, we'll just talk on a friendly basis in a week or 2..have lunch or coffee or something. Not talk about the relationship. See how it goes.

Maybe you guys rushed back together too quickly?

I'm curious what makes you feel like you're not a priority?

If I were you, I'd try to sit him down and say something like, I'm so happy we're back together. But I want to make sure we don't fight as much.

(every couple has conflict..the key is, how productive and kind you are in resolving it..)

Maybe tell him you want to talk about what happened before, so you can avoid it, in a kind, effective way. No blame. No personal attacks.

See if he's willing to do so.

Feel free to PM me, btw.
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