freedomandlove Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 Hi everybody! This is my first thread on this forum and I am here to tell you my story and ask for some advice! We have been together for 1.5 years. She was a friend of a my friend's gf. My friend and his gf arranged a dinner for us to meet cause they thought we were perfect together. After that dinner she was completely into me. I was not so into her, so I choose not to contact her. A couple of months later we met at my friend's birthday and started making out. After the birthday we went out alone and I asked her to come to my place to have an intercourse. She told me she was virgin (at the time she was 27). That news was really shocking to me at first, so i decided to let go. She pressed me a bit and so we went out for three months together. We had sex after a couple of months. At the end of the third month she left me 'cause she realized that I was not into her that much, when she was thinking the contrary. At the beginning I was relieved, since I thought I didn't like her much... As the time went by I realized how special she was and after a couple of weeks I decided to try again. Everything was perfect and we loved and cared for each other until few months ago, when I started feeling stressed for career related issues and I vented my frustration on her in more than one occasion. This was the major issue that led to breakup. Other issues are that she didn't see me focused on my work at the moment and she was not focused on her too, plus she lives with her sister with which I never really get tight too much. After a couple of huge fights that I started, she told me she needed time and space to think. I started panicking and begging her to come back. After few days, she asked me out the day before we were leaving the city we live in for our xmas holidays that we spent with our families. In that occasion she told me that she loved me and that she wanted to be with me. We stayed apart for about 10 days for holidays and everything went by as usual until when she, all of a sudden, broke up with me! I panicked and begged as usual for few days... When we came back in our city I asked her out for dinner and she came. She told me that leaving me was her final decision... than we kissed for 1 hr. I haven't seen her from that dinner (1 month ago). After the dinner followed few days of begging and panicking and than I went into No Contact to heal, but mostly to give her the space she never really had. After 3 weeks of no contact, two days ago I wrote her a message asking her out for a coffee to give her back the clothes that she left at my place. As an alternative I told her I would give her stuff to a mutual friend her things so that she wasn't forced to see me. She replied she was not ready to see me "as a friend", but did not took into account option B, i.e. having her stuff back without seeing me. I told her that we won't be friends until I'll be in love with her, than apologized for all I did wrong, 'cause I feel really guilty and she replied telling me that she is not angry with me, she is just disappointed that things didn't work out for whatever reason and she was happy to know me. Than she told me that we will see each other when she will be ready to. Last time we saw each other one month ago She didn't told me that she doesn't love me no more, she only told me that something is broken, but she told that she is not in love with me to one our mutual friends. Knowing her, I'm 100% sure that she is not into someone else and she won't be into a guy for a long long time. I really don't know what to think... I fell like she is still in love with me but she is scared to suffer my mental abuses again (to be clear, I didn't do much, I just started some fights about stupid things). I can't prove her wrong, but if I'll ever push her far away from me it means that I'm really dumb and I need medical help, just for the pain I felt. Valentine's day is approaching and I was thinking to ask her out through a virtual treasure hunt (since she always loved my nerdy side), sending her clues about the appointment through anonymous email... she will know for sure who is the author but "Officially" I'll never get in touch with her until the 14th of February. I don't know if this is the right move our would be better to give her space and wait for her... I'll wait all the time that is needed since for know I really don't feel any attraction at all for other woman. What do you think of my story? What would be the best move to do? Thanks very much for having read my story and for any suggestion you will give me! Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 Best thing you can do is walk away and never look back. It is exceedingly rare that a woman gets her feelings back once they are gone. What is very common is guys waiting for a woman who will never want them again. Don’t reach out at all. Instead, find a new woman who is excited to be with you and move on with your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author freedomandlove Posted January 30, 2019 Author Share Posted January 30, 2019 It is exceedingly rare that a woman gets her feelings back once they are gone. Thanks for your answer! But why she didn't take into account the option of having her things back through a friend, when she really care about some of the clothes she left in my apartment? Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 My ex gf, who left me after 7 years, still has a rifle of mine. It’s been 2.5 years since we split. The best theory I’ve heard is that she might want it as an excuse to contact me should she ever want to (they rarely do). It might have been her initial idea, but now too much time has passed. Point for you is, she may not be ready to fully let go and getting her stuff back would eliminate an excuse to reach out. Or she could be hurt and not want to deal. It could be 100 reasons. Just remember, if she wanted to be with you she would. The fact that she’s not means she doesn’t. There is a 1 in a million chance she might change her mind, but you are best served by forgetting about her and finding someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freedomandlove Posted February 11, 2019 Author Share Posted February 11, 2019 Hi everybody! I have been with my ex gf for about 1.5 yrs. Overall it was a really good relationship. She decided to break up with me after some fights because she thinks we are not compatible. We broke up about 40 days ago. After the break up I have been chasing her and she was always there for me. We met three times, cause I asked her for a coffee. Yesterday, last time we saw each other, we argued about being compatible or not, we took a long walk hand in hand and than we kissed passionately under the rain for a long long time. I asked what are her feelings for me. She told me that she loves me and that she feels attracted by me, that she dreams about me being in bed with her every night, but she is looking for a more quiet relationship and for another kind of person. She also told me that she misses me and is jealous. In fact, she tried to discover what I did during the time we were split up. She questioned my love towards her because she told me I didn't go to her house looking for her and because I went out with a couple of girls (I didn't do nothing cause I still love her) during NC. After few hours she phoned me and she told me that she is really confused, she wants to run away from our relationship and she is just giving herself time to "forget me" in order to feel good. She also asked me not to contact her, but I told her that this is impossible and asked her to block me on phone and social media and so she did. She has this internal fight between her rational and irrational part. She tells me that she wants the rational part to win the battle, but when it comes to meeting she is always enjoying our time together. I really don't know what to do since when I went NC to give her time and space, she complained with me for not going ringing her bell at her house. Now she doesn't want me to contact her... Pretty huge mess I suppose. Woman are really complicated! Any help is appreciated! Thanks so much Greetings and love to everybody Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Stop the panic if you chase they move farther away. Always. You can't make her do a thing. Acting needy/clingy will just lower your status and is unnattractive. Like most who come here. It was amazing, we had the best relationship, etc, etc but then you get dumped. Obviously your X didn't see it that way. Give her space and maintain nc. Your current actions are just making it worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author freedomandlove Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) Hi guys, My gf of 1.5 years broke up with me about two moths ago. I was her first love. She told me that she thinks that we are not compatible and that she was suffering my personality. In the last month we met three times. We both agreed that our meetings were enjoyable. On the first meeting, we had a coffee and talked for a couple of hours without going into past relationship details. Ten days later I asked her out for a coffee and we argued about what didn't work in our story. Than we took a walk and she kissed me like for an hour. The very same night she phoned me asking me to leave her alone... I told her that the only way to accomplish this for her was to block me on every social media. So she did. On Valentine's day I asked her out , she accepted. She unlocked me on social and she told me she never wanted to do that. We had a couple of drinks and she made her friend, who was in city to stay with her, wait one hour at her doorstep, just to be with me. In that occasion she told me that she wanted our story to be over. I told her that in the future I'll probably move in another country, so she started worrying about our future. She also told me that we could be together in the future and that it doesn't have to just happen, we can try to force destiny. I asked her to tell me "I am not in love with you" for the first time. She told me the very same words looking me in the eyes and than she started laughing nervously... than she admitted she was lying and that she has some feelings for me. All the times we met she told me that she feels lonely and she dreams about me and her sleeping in her bed. She also told me that she thinks to be with me again, but she is scared and she doesn't want to suffer and she would like to choose the right men of her life. Now she has blocked me again on social networks. I don't know... Should I let it go? i'd like to but I think there is still hope, there is still a chance to be together. Thanks for your replies! Edited February 22, 2019 by freedomandlove Link to post Share on other sites
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