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40! Pregnant! Second-Guessing Partner


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Old 31st January 2019, 9:00 PM   #1
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40! Pregnant! Second-Guessing Partner

I'm struggling with how to move forward with my SO. Background: We have four boys together (2 each), we moved in last year, and I got pregnant and I could not handle it. He ended it up moving out and I got an abortion, which i regret.

We got back together and I'm pregnant again with a girl, and that part is just very joyful. He has been attentive when he's here (we have two separate households). We tried counseling but I did not like what the counselor had to say about parenting e.g. like I needed to back him up when disciplining my sons. My sons have never really bonded with him so I refuse to back him up on certain things because he's very strict with all the boys.

Here I am 40 and pregnant and I love him but i dont know if the hormones are playing me for a fool. He wants us to be a united household and wants to buy a home about 30 miles from where I am. The thing is this city is away from my kids school, my mom and my job in the opposite direction. I really do not see an incentive here plus I'm still dubious that he left last time I was pregnant because I could not stand how he was treating me and I blew up.
I have offered a central location where it's half way from his kids school and my kids school/work. I have no ties to where he lives.. He refuses to consider an alternative location. I'm very concerned. I'm ok where I'm at because I'm tired of moving and my boys seem have adjusted somewhat after a chaotic year. I need to know if i'm being illogical for not wanting to move. At some point, in the beginning, I wanted a family and would have moved for this m an in a heartbeat. I don't know what is wrong with me now.
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Old 31st January 2019, 9:21 PM   #2
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I would not move.

Your primary responsibility is to your children and I do not see any benefit to your children if you move to be with this man. Your children havenít bonded with him, you are not on the same page related to parenting, your children will be uprooted from their friends and their schools, and you will be farther from your work and your support system... con, con, con, and con.

The big red flag for me here is that there is another, very reasonable, option here and he is unwilling to consider it or compromise in any way. This, I would think, would foreshadow your future should you move in with this man so take heed now...

I would not move - not now, and not without some compromise from this man.
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Old 31st January 2019, 9:35 PM   #3
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I needed to hear this. Thank you
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Old 1st February 2019, 12:13 AM   #4
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30 miles just isn't that far, in my opinion. Any closer to the mother-in-law may be a little too close for some men. ***SHIVERS***
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Old 1st February 2019, 2:51 AM   #5
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What a mess. I think you're both too set in your ways to have a blended family. Maybe you were both pretty locked into your own ways of running households before getting together. He's not allowed to discipline your boys so that means they're running your house, and he's running his own and is and is super determined on the location of your cohabitation house. It sounds like one of both of you are not going to end up happy in the same home.
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