whatever808 Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 I did everything for him. From starting his business, to cooking his food and folding his laundry. He left me and our 2 kids for another woman with 2 kids from 2 different guys. I am completely heartbroken. He doesn’t support our kids financially or physically, he completely has made this new girl his entire world over everything we’ve been through, even over our children! There’s a rumor that she’s even pregnant with his child. I don’t know how to cope. I’m financially 100% alone, physically he expects to be able to pick and chose when to be a father to our children. I work 3 jobs to maintain our lives without him and he still has the nerve to talk to me like I’m beneath him and waste of his time. There is absolutely no respect for me, my role as the mother of his 2 kids or our previous relationship. He’s constantly reminding me how I DO NOT MATTER TO HIM, which is hard to take when you’re already trying to be a decent mother while enduring a heartbreak. I’ve tried dating, I’ve tried keeping busy, I’m already athletic and work nearly 7 days a week and I still can’t stop grieving this situation. Someone PLEASE tell me this gets better, because right now I do not see a light at the end of this tunnel Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 How long ago? How old are the kids? I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You will find encouragement here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatever808 Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 Our children are 3 and 7. We’ve been split for about 6 months and I found about about his pregnant girlfriend just today. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Our children are 3 and 7. We’ve been split for about 6 months and I found about about his pregnant girlfriend just today. Oh man . Did you know he had a girlfriend at all? Do you have time/money for counseling? It really helped me with handling my rage. Your ex will act inexplicably angry toward you (i.e. telling you that don't matter to him). It hurts badly, but try to remember this is more about him than you.....he is lashing out because he's been exposed for being the rat that he is, and he's just taking it out on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatever808 Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 I don’t currently have the time for therapy. I work too much. I’ve done it before so I know it would help but I’m stuck. I heard rumor that they were together but when I asked him to just be honest with me and respect me enough to tell me himself ( we live in a small town so nothing stays secret for long) and he lied to my face about it. Link to post Share on other sites
nolanola Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 I'm so sorry whatever808, that is awful. What a piece of crap. I completely agree with CautiouslyOptimistic...he is acting out because he knows he's a piece of crap. This is about him and I can guarantee you that at some point he will do the same things to his new girlfriend. People do not change that quickly. I know it's not much of a help with your immediate issues (taking care of your children and yourself), but please believe that none of this is about you. This is incredibly dorky, but my best friend suggested to me that when I feel low that I just say out loud "I will get over this" "I will find love again" "I will find someone that treats me well". Because my inner mental loop is very negative and I firmly believe that what you think, so you feel. If you think nothing but "I can't get over him" or "I'll never find anyone else" or whatever, you'll stay stuck. I know it sounds like a load of crap, but just try it a little bit. You guys were together for 10 years. It's been 6 months. That's such a short period of time considering how long you loved him. It's ok that you aren't totally over it. It took me at least a year to start feeling better and to rebuild my self esteem after my worst break up. So be kind to yourself and accept that it takes as long as it takes. It will get better. I know it does because when I was breaking up with that guy, I was so low and sad. I was on anti-depressants for a year. But now I am so glad he is gone. Your guy will never be truly gone because of your children, but someday you'll look at him and think "Thank God he wound up with that other woman". Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 If you haven’t drug him into court for child support, why not? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 If you haven’t drug him into court for child support, why not? Yep, this ^ Doesn't matter whether he's married to you or not. They're his children and he needs to pay child support, and if you consult a lawyer in your state, you might find out that he owes you even more. If you've lived together for more than 5 years, many jurisdiction consider that to be a de facto marriage, which might entitle you to alimony or something akin to it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Child support is definitely due. Remember that money belongs to your kids not you. Before you get on some high horse & say you don't want his money, take it & throw it in an account to save for the kids' college if you want nothing to do with him but get them their money. If you worked in the business you may be owed money for that endeavor. You are not going to get him back but you should be able to at least walk out with your head heal high & compensation for your efforts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatever808 Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 If you haven’t drug him into court for child support, why not? I’ve been prepared to, but in addition to all this mess, he is not on our children’s birth certificates so legally he currently has no rights, which given his irresponsible behavior, I’ve been grateful that I’ve had control over the kids. Taking him to court would essentially give him rights to them which is what I’m currently weary of. The last thing I need in addition to all this is him taking my kids and hearing he’s ditching them on other people for his gf or bringing them around her and she mistreats them. I don’t think I could handle that right now Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Then you have to decide what to do. However, if you didn't put him on the 1st kid's birth certificate what the <bleep> were you thinking when you had a 2nd child with him? Seriously you never legally openly acknowledged him as the father of your children & now you are sitting here scratching your head wondering why he left? There is wayyyy more to this story then you are telling us. The level of distrust & disrespect here is monumental. So what that you cooked for him, folded his laundry & had sex with him? When it matters -- paternity of his flesh & blood -- you denied his very existence. What is that all about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatever808 Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 Then you have to decide what to do. However, if you didn't put him on the 1st kid's birth certificate what the <bleep> were you thinking when you had a 2nd child with him? Seriously you never legally openly acknowledged him as the father of your children & now you are sitting here scratching your head wondering why he left? There is wayyyy more to this story then you are telling us. The level of distrust & disrespect here is monumental. So what that you cooked for him, folded his laundry & had sex with him? When it matters -- paternity of his flesh & blood -- you denied his very existence. What is that all about? Absolutely not! With our first child it was en error at the hospital, I tried to amend the paperwork but he had to make the final signatures and never did. When our second child came around his reasoning was “it wouldn’t be fair if he was on one BC and not the other” so we both agreed to file for amendments to both at the same time immediately after.... which again, I had the paperwork ready to be mailed and sent but he never found the time to sign them. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Absolutely not! With our first child it was en error at the hospital, I tried to amend the paperwork but he had to make the final signatures and never did. When our second child came around his reasoning was “it wouldn’t be fair if he was on one BC and not the other” so we both agreed to file for amendments to both at the same time immediately after.... which again, I had the paperwork ready to be mailed and sent but he never found the time to sign them. Sounds to me like he would be more likely to write checks and ignore the children than fabricate schemes to make your life miserable. I suspect other motives as to why the dad is not on the BCs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatever808 Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 Sounds to me like he would be more likely to write checks and ignore the children than fabricate schemes to make your life miserable. I suspect other motives as to why the dad is not on the BCs. While we were together he was a “as long as they know I’m their dad a piece of paper doesn’t matter” type of person. Only after we split and court was brought into every conversation is when I think he realized just how important that piece of paper is. I know I put the effort to legalize him on their birth certificates and I feel he expected me to just take care of it as I always have done for anything he “couldn’t find the time” to do.. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Well, it's not too late to change this. Get it down now and get those kids some child support. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatever808 Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 While I appreciate the concern for my finances, that’s not the focus of why I posted here... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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