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Loving eachother but with an underlying problem

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Old 30th January 2019, 3:02 PM   #1
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Loving eachother but with an underlying problem

Hi, I've been going out with my girlfriend now for 8 months and we've really fell in love and have made each of us happier. But there has been an underlying problem being me not allowed to stay at her or her at mine because my parents say. Recently my parents found out that we slept together and had sex that did not go down well at all and I was left in a position to choose between my girlfriend or my parents.

This is where it gets frustrating because me and my family run a farm and it was said if I choose my girlfriend over them the farm won't be handed down to me now I chose my parents, you are thinking that was wrong but really I chose the farm cause I was thinking this farm could provide such a good life for me and my girlfriend in the future rather than leaving my parents and just getting by if I moved out I chose them for her if you understand me.

I find myself now trying to fight for my relationship because of the whole not being able to stay over because I know it's all got so much for her as she's been in previous relationships where she's been able to stay and do stuff without question. The thought of losing her is killing me and the fact we will be having a serious talk tomorrow is scaring me. I just don't know what to do cause we've been so good together now all of a sudden its just changed cause of everything.

I confronted my parents I found some sort of resolve in that once we've been together for 2 years we can't do it how we want or should I say how I want my mum isn't her parent. I'm struggling and feeling so down at the minute and my head is absolutely everywhere!

Last edited by Moderator; 30th January 2019 at 3:06 PM.. Reason: Paragraphs and move to BBU
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Old 30th January 2019, 3:12 PM   #2
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How old are you?
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Old 30th January 2019, 3:37 PM   #3
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22 and I know I should be able to do what I want
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Old 30th January 2019, 4:28 PM   #4
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Do you understand the basis for your parents' objection? Do they not like your GF or do they object to premarital sex?

If the don't like your GF, you need to learn why & then you need to work with your parents to see your GF as the wonderful person you know.

If their objection is to pre-marital sex, then you need to figure out if you share your parents' religious objections.

If at 22 you want to do what you want, that is fine too but you can't do it under their roof. You need to move out, get a job & support yourself. Perhaps after a few years, especially if things change like you & this girl break up or if you get married, you can come back to your parents & repair the relationship. Especially later if there are grandchildren involved your parents' views may soften.
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Old 30th January 2019, 4:31 PM   #5
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Move out for now even if you're "just getting by." That way you can make your own decisions about your sex life. After you get married, whether it is to her or someone else, you can move back to the farm (provided you have privacy for your new family).
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Old 30th January 2019, 4:38 PM   #6
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You've got to work towards moving out on your own. And do NOT give your parents a key. That way they don't know your every move.

And believe me, they want to pass the farm down to you probably as bad as you want it, but you have to be a man and move out and support yourself first. Do NOT marry someone prematurely just because of this issue. You'd be sorry.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
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Old 30th January 2019, 6:05 PM   #7
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Really appreciate the replys this has helped a lot as I didn't know if moving out was the right thing to do.

But I feel as if her mind is already made on letting me go I will fight for her till the very last, at the end of the day its her decision and I can't stop it, if it's what makes her happy then that's what matters even if it completely breaks me!
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Old 30th January 2019, 7:01 PM   #8
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Family farms are called that for a reason.
Farmers usually need their sons on the farm as labour and to train them up to be farmers.
Sons who leave the farm, can quite easily be cut off dead and there will be no going back later.
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