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Thinking about ex...want to reach out?

beedavid

By beedavid,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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beedavid

beedavid

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So it's almost midnight where I'm at. I'm out and I'm at this restaurant and it's making me think of her. This place used to be our spot-it's where we always came, it's where we reconciled when we broke up so it's kind of sentimental.

 

To give a little background we broke up in October of 2017. We loved a lot and wanted to get married but things just weren't working out. In the spring of 2018 she wanted to reconcile and I was pretty cold and wishy washy I admit. Eventually I got angry and told her to move on. We haven't spoken since May 2018. I had pictures of us still up from a wedding where we were really happy and very lovey dovey in the pictures. I removed them from my social media. A few weeks ago she unfollowed me, my friends, and family. So now this brings me here.

 

I just sent her a text saying, "Have you been to the *insert name of restaurant recently at all?". Once/if she responds I want to send an apology stating how I've been feeling guilty about how I ended things, explain that I still had resentment, apologize for this being out of the blue, and then end the text saying I just want to apologize that's my only intention.

 

Thoughts?

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SophieG

SophieG

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It's not about changing anything, it's about doing the right thing.

 

I personally don’t see the point! My ex reached out to me to apologize for his behavior during the break up. I was just annoyed he texted me, I was happy with no contact from him. It may have appeased his mind, but for me, it didn’t do and change anything. That’s why I’m asking why bother?! It’s done. The time to apologize was when it happened. Not months later

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beedavid

beedavid

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I personally don’t see the point! My ex reached out to me to apologize for his behavior during the break up. I was just annoyed he texted me, I was happy with no contact from him. It may have appeased his mind, but for me, it didn’t do and change anything. That’s why I’m asking why bother?! It’s done. The time to apologize was when it happened. Not months later

 

I just figured since she unfollowed me and my friends that she hates me. If I apologize maybe she won’t be upset anymore.

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nolanola

nolanola

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I don't think there's anything wrong with apologizing for what you think you did that may have hurt or upset her. I don't understand why the need for subterfuge? Why not just say: "I've been thinking of you and I want to apologize for how I acted towards you." You can go into more detail about what exactly you feel badly about if you like.

 

I've gotten these vague texts from exes and mostly it just made me go WTF? Because I wouldn't understand why my ex would send me a text about a restaurant out of the blue.

 

I've also gotten texts where an ex apologized directly to me (this was after a few vague texts that I ignored...) and I actually really appreciated it. Because with that person, all I wanted for so long was an apology. So it meant a lot.

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Leojax

Leojax

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I don't think there's anything wrong with apologizing for what you think you did that may have hurt or upset her. I don't understand why the need for subterfuge? Why not just say: "I've been thinking of you and I want to apologize for how I acted towards you." You can go into more detail about what exactly you feel badly about if you like.

 

I've gotten these vague texts from exes and mostly it just made me go WTF? Because I wouldn't understand why my ex would send me a text about a restaurant out of the blue.

 

I've also gotten texts where an ex apologized directly to me (this was after a few vague texts that I ignored...) and I actually really appreciated it. Because with that person, all I wanted for so long was an apology. So it meant a lot.

 

They probably apologized later on to save face because you were ignoring them. Not to say they didn’t genuinely feel bad but apologizing wasn’t really why they were making contact IMO.

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HiCrunchy

HiCrunchy

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So it's almost midnight where I'm at. I'm out and I'm at this restaurant and it's making me think of her. This place used to be our spot-it's where we always came, it's where we reconciled when we broke up so it's kind of sentimental.

 

To give a little background we broke up in October of 2017. We loved a lot and wanted to get married but things just weren't working out. In the spring of 2018 she wanted to reconcile and I was pretty cold and wishy washy I admit. Eventually I got angry and told her to move on. We haven't spoken since May 2018. I had pictures of us still up from a wedding where we were really happy and very lovey dovey in the pictures. I removed them from my social media. A few weeks ago she unfollowed me, my friends, and family. So now this brings me here.

 

I just sent her a text saying, "Have you been to the *insert name of restaurant recently at all?". Once/if she responds I want to send an apology stating how I've been feeling guilty about how I ended things, explain that I still had resentment, apologize for this being out of the blue, and then end the text saying I just want to apologize that's my only intention.

 

Thoughts?

 

The was a girl on here that posted something similar to this recently. How she got a text from an ex saying if she had been to a resturant or something. Hmmmm.... I wonder if this is the same girl. Someone correct me if im wrong

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nolanola

nolanola

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They probably apologized later on to save face because you were ignoring them. Not to say they didn’t genuinely feel bad but apologizing wasn’t really why they were making contact IMO.

 

I don't disagree that that happens, but in my case, my ex apologized a year after sending the random message, so I don't think that was it. I just think it's interesting to see that this OP started out by sending a random text about a restaurant when he really wanted to apologize. All of us on here wonder why our exes reach out to us randomly. I've always been of the approach that unless an ex says something of substance ("I want to get back together" or "I'm sorry") that I'm not going to break NC to answer that. So hearing that the OP was using this as a vehicle to apologize was interesting to me.

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Zahara

Zahara

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I just figured since she unfollowed me and my friends that she hates me. If I apologize maybe she won’t be upset anymore.

 

There’s another thread similar to this in terms of your situation and I’m sure you’ve seen that thread because you’ve worded your post almost identically. Unless you’re that poster, and based on that thread, it’s best you move on because she believes she has and wants to — also, if you’re going to make a sincere apology, skip the small talk. The latter can be very annoying when you’re hurting and trying to move on. Maybe apologize when some time has passed and wounds have healed.

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Leojax

Leojax

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I don't disagree that that happens, but in my case, my ex apologized a year after sending the random message, so I don't think that was it. I just think it's interesting to see that this OP started out by sending a random text about a restaurant when he really wanted to apologize. All of us on here wonder why our exes reach out to us randomly. I've always been of the approach that unless an ex says something of substance ("I want to get back together" or "I'm sorry") that I'm not going to break NC to answer that. So hearing that the OP was using this as a vehicle to apologize was interesting to me.

 

Yea that is a little odd. Texting an ex ad midnight about a place they frequented, then going into an apology what do you think that means? Or better question why do you think he’s doing that?

 

I’m always curious to hear someone else’s view on a situation.

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beedavid

beedavid

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I don't think there's anything wrong with apologizing for what you think you did that may have hurt or upset her. I don't understand why the need for subterfuge? Why not just say: "I've been thinking of you and I want to apologize for how I acted towards you." You can go into more detail about what exactly you feel badly about if you like.

 

I've gotten these vague texts from exes and mostly it just made me go WTF? Because I wouldn't understand why my ex would send me a text about a restaurant out of the blue.

 

I've also gotten texts where an ex apologized directly to me (this was after a few vague texts that I ignored...) and I actually really appreciated it. Because with

that person, all I wanted for so long was an apology. So it meant a lot.

 

Why are you saying it’s subterfuge?

 

Here’s the apology I plan on sending: “Was there last night. Just thought about you. Been feeling guilty about the way I ended things. I just had a lot of unresolved resentment that affected the way I went about things. Sorry this so out of the blue. Just wanted to apologize that's my only intention.“

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nolanola

nolanola

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Yea that is a little odd. Texting an ex ad midnight about a place they frequented, then going into an apology what do you think that means? Or better question why do you think he’s doing that?

 

I’m always curious to hear someone else’s view on a situation.

 

I wish I knew. I probably wouldn't be on this board! LOL

 

I think sometimes we never know. Unless we get to talk to that person again and they explain or we get a window into some insight, like reading what the OP said.

 

It just makes me wonder because my most recent ex sent me a random text a month after he broke my heart. No apology, just random stuff that I ignored. Now I'm sitting here wondering if that was a prelude to an apology. But probably not.

 

It's very interesting at any rate.

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nolanola

nolanola

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Why are you saying it’s subterfuge?

 

Here’s the apology I plan on sending: “Was there last night. Just thought about you. Been feeling guilty about the way I ended things. I just had a lot of unresolved resentment that affected the way I went about things. Sorry this so out of the blue. Just wanted to apologize that's my only intention.“

 

It's subterfuge because you didn't just come right out and say I'm sorry. So your ex is probably like WTF. The goal of your message is not clear from asking if she has been to a restaurant recently.

 

I was just curious why you didn't lead with the apology? Because I know if I was her and an ex sent me a random text about a restaurant, I probably wouldn't respond.

 

ETA: Honestly, I think it sounds kind of mean if you know she probably wants more and you're going to poke her out of no where and to say you're sorry and that's your only intention (read as "I don't want you back"). Seems to serve you more than her. I don't mean to sound harsh, but that's how I read it

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Leojax

Leojax

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It's subterfuge because you didn't just come right out and say I'm sorry. So your ex is probably like WTF. The goal of your message is not clear from asking if she has been to a restaurant recently.

 

I was just curious why you didn't lead with the apology? Because I know if I was her and an ex sent me a random text about a restaurant, I probably wouldn't respond.

 

ETA: Honestly, I think it sounds kind of mean if you know she probably wants more and you're going to poke her out of no where and to say you're sorry and that's your only intention (read as "I don't want you back"). Seems to serve you more than her. I don't mean to sound harsh, but that's how I read it

 

OP knows what he’s doing. She unfollowed him, his friends, AND family. Then he reaches out weeks later late at night and brings up a memory.

 

He knows she doesn’t want more.

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zawadi16

zawadi16

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Why are you saying it’s subterfuge?

 

Here’s the apology I plan on sending: “Was there last night. Just thought about you. Been feeling guilty about the way I ended things. I just had a lot of unresolved resentment that affected the way I went about things. Sorry this so out of the blue. Just wanted to apologize that's my only intention.“

 

.....this was the worst ____ “apology” I’ve ever seen. You didn’t even apologize. It seemed rushed as heck. Didn’t take even take responsibility. You seem more sorry about it being out of the blue than what you actually did.

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SophieG

SophieG

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I just figured since she unfollowed me and my friends that she hates me. If I apologize maybe she won’t be upset anymore.

 

Unfollowing you and your friends doesn’t mean she hates you. I did it with my ex, his family and his friends because my life was now none of their business. I don’t hate him, I just don’t want him to know what’s happening in my life.

If you want to apologize, do so, but I think it’s a little late for that and it won’t really accomplish anything.

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