ConfusedHippo Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 (edited) So long story short my ex boyfriend dumped me. During our relationship my ex got really close to my uncle and my uncle helped him invest and flip properties and connect with people in the industry. My ex boyfriend at one point during our break up said he doesn't want anything to do with my family? (My family has been nothing but kind and generous to him...?) Yet he was still contacting my uncle asking for help with his property while failing to disclose to my uncle he dumped me. I stepped in and told my uncle we had broken up, and to please not contact my ex anymore since he apparently does not want anything to do with us. It is clear he only contacts us when it will benefit him and I don't want anyone taking advantage of my family. My uncle agreed. 4 months later, my uncle comes up to me telling me he is contacting my ex again because they both will make money off a deal, and he asked if it was okay with me. I was taken off guard and simply nodded. The next day I approached my uncle and expressed my disappointment, but I said if you're making money off it, do what you need to do. I reminded my uncle that my ex said he wanted nothing to do with us. I couldn't hold back my tears at this time. The next day my uncle then calls my ex, telling him I threw a hissy fit because they were talking again, and he wants to sort things out between us. I was furious and felt betrayed, and got into a heated argument with my uncle. I told him I do not need anyone to play mediator between us and I had simply asked him not to contact my ex and I expected that he would follow through. I'll admit I couldn't quite handle my emotions and raised my voice. My ex then angrily texts me saying I always focus on things from the past, he regrets the past 4 years of our relationship and I am an extremely selfish person. I do some volunteering so then he even says "no matter how much virtue signalling I do, that will never change the fact that I am a bad person"...? Meanwhile my uncle texts me calling me immature and that he hopes everything was worth it. What the heck is going on? My mother is encouraging me to apologize to my uncle for my behaviour but I am just really sick of apologizing at this point. On top of this, my dog of 13 years, the only thing in my life that made me so so happy, recently passed away. I am feeling just so beaten up. Edited January 28, 2019 by ConfusedHippo Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Yet he was still contacting my uncle asking for help with his property while failing to disclose to my uncle he dumped me. Of course he's still in contact with your uncle. This is his income. Why would be "disclose" that he dumped you? They seemingly have a business relationship, why would he jeopardise that? Look, you can't control what other people do with their lives. Just because you hate your ex, if your uncle wants to talk to him then he is perfectly entitled to do so, especially since it's for business reasons. You can't stop them talking to each other if that's what they both want. Your uncle (and mother) should understand however, that it will make you upset. What you can do, is firstly stop all contact with your ex. And secondly when you talk to your uncle, tell him he's perfectly entitled to talk to your douchebag ex if he wants, but you don't want to hear ANYTHING about your ex. Sorry about your dog. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedHippo Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 Of course he's still in contact with your uncle. This is his income. Why would be "disclose" that he dumped you? They seemingly have a business relationship, why would he jeopardise that? Look, you can't control what other people do with their lives. Just because you hate your ex, if your uncle wants to talk to him then he is perfectly entitled to do so, especially since it's for business reasons. You can't stop them talking to each other if that's what they both want. Your uncle (and mother) should understand however, that it will make you upset. What you can do, is firstly stop all contact with your ex. And secondly when you talk to your uncle, tell him he's perfectly entitled to talk to your douchebag ex if he wants, but you don't want to hear ANYTHING about your ex. Sorry about your dog. I thought it should be a respect thing. If you broke up with someone’s niece, you should tell them so they hear it from you first and not act like nothing happened. My family has always been family over everything and support eachother 100%, so honestly, I did expect my uncle to stop this relationship. I know I can’t control them, but given how we all value family so much, I fully expected him to end contact. When I realized my uncle was making money from this, I said I’m a little disappointed but do what you need to do. I don’t know how my uncle could then go tell my ex I was having a hissy fit. I felt this was a betrayal. I am sad my relationship with my uncle is broken but honestly, I don’t think I should have to apologize? Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I feel if your uncle lives independent of you (not in the same house) and this is a business venture there is no need to even bring you up. It has nothing to do with you. I'm sure neither were thinking of you but only of the money making venture. I would definitely tell my uncle not to talk to me about the venture or my ex but other than that what they do separate from me is their business. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Your uncle & your EX are in business together. Although they met due to your romance which is now over they are still making money & it's wrong of you to get in between that. Apologize to your uncle for messing with his livelihood. Do tell your uncle that you never want to be informed about any transactions with your EX & to keep you apart. Then get on with your life. Your EX is just some guy your uncle does business with & that has nothing to do with you. I am sorry about the passing of your beloved dog. Check out a website called petloss dot com. It helped me grieve. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedHippo Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 I feel if your uncle lives independent of you (not in the same house) and this is a business venture there is no need to even bring you up. It has nothing to do with you. I'm sure neither were thinking of you but only of the money making venture. I would definitely tell my uncle not to talk to me about the venture or my ex but other than that what they do separate from me is their business. I lived with this uncle for years when my parents got divorced. So we used to be very close. My uncle initially agreed to stop contacting my ex saying “Ok I don’t care about this kid”. I don’t know, I just feel betrayed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedHippo Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 Your EX is just some guy your uncle does business with & that has nothing to do with you. I am sorry about the passing of your beloved dog. Check out a website called petloss dot com. It helped me grieve. But this isn’t just some guy at the end of the day, it’s my ex boyfriend who really messed me up for some time, and I’m still trying to heal from it. On top of that, my ex clearly said he didn’t want anything do with my family? How can I let someone still be in contact with my family when he said that? Likewise this isn’t just some guy to my ex, it’s my uncle. And at one point my ex felt it was ok to discuss what went wrong in our relationship to him? I get that it’s a business relationship, but at the end of the day it’s personal too. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I understand you "used" to live with him but I meant under the same roof now where you would be exposed to your ex. Apparently when they meet you don't have to know anything about it or see him so what harm does it do you. It is wrong to expect your uncle to turn down money because you hate your ex. I could understand your situation better if their association meant you'd be exposed to your ex; but you are not. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 But this isn’t just some guy at the end of the day, it’s my ex boyfriend who really messed me up for some time, and I’m still trying to heal from it. On top of that, my ex clearly said he didn’t want anything do with my family? How can I let someone still be in contact with my family when he said that? Likewise this isn’t just some guy to my ex, it’s my uncle. And at one point my ex felt it was ok to discuss what went wrong in our relationship to him? I get that it’s a business relationship, but at the end of the day it’s personal too. You have got to compartmentalize. thinking of him as your EX causes all this pain. Dehumanize him from EX to just "some guy" who does business with your uncle. You are mixing up love & money. Sadly, money always wins. At least your uncle didn't try to do this behind your back. Find a way to relegate the EX to being inconsequential. Heck 20 years after the fact I was able to do a business deal with the EX who hurt me the most. At that point he really was just some guy I used to know & a source of cash, nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
Fekenaws Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Sorry OP, but you're in the wrong here. Your Uncle and your Ex are business partners, that has absolutely nothing to do with your relationship together. Unless you are part of this deal they have going on then it's honestly none of your concern, all you are doing is putting your own personal feelings above their abilities to better their own lives, and whether you like it or not your personal feelings don't have a big impact on their lives and thought process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedHippo Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 Sorry OP, but you're in the wrong here. Your Uncle and your Ex are business partners, that has absolutely nothing to do with your relationship together. Unless you are part of this deal they have going on then it's honestly none of your concern, all you are doing is putting your own personal feelings above their abilities to better their own lives, and whether you like it or not your personal feelings don't have a big impact on their lives and thought process. I just have such a big problem with this because my ex was clearly trying to cozy up to my uncle and his mom kept encouraging him to get close to my uncle so he could learn more. All while helping him, my ex has never shown any appreciation or done anything in return. Then my ex says to my face he doesn’t want to be with me cause he doesn’t want anything to do with my family. When our relationship ended I wanted all the benefits that flowed from it to my ex to end as well. This isn’t my uncle’s main source of income, it’s something he does on the side. My uncle gave me the impression that he doesn’t care about my ex and doesn’t need to be in business with him. He also strongly encouraged me to stop the favours and cut contact completely; yet he doesn’t do the same. Yes I am being petty, but I do feel betrayed, and honestly not enough time has gone by for me to be okay with this. I strongly believe that family should’ve respected my wishes when my relationship ended. Even so, I want my uncle to make $, so I simply said do what you need to do but I’m disappointed. I don’t think he should’ve tried to interfere saying he wants to know what happened between us and set up a meeting to mediate. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I’d be upset too. The only reason these two know each other is because of you. Sometimes it stinks to know what price people will put on you, just like your uncle has done. Some things are more important than money, or should be. I totally get where you’re coming from and think you’ve handled it all pretty well. I’m very sorry about your dog. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedHippo Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 I’d be upset too. The only reason these two know each other is because of you. Sometimes it stinks to know what price people will put on you, just like your uncle has done. Some things are more important than money, or should be. I totally get where you’re coming from and think you’ve handled it all pretty well. I’m very sorry about your dog. Thank you and everyone else here. I really appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 If your EX is using your uncle, that is your uncle's problem, not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
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